People who haven’t really resumed socializing at levels they used to, people who lost the capacity to regulate during interpersonal interactions, people who lost trust in others… I encounter lots of partial returners out there
COVerts?
I’m in this post and I don’t like it. I used to be social as hell, now I’m almost a hermit.
Partial returners seems like a good name for it.
I miss the pandemic. Socially isolating meant I got to spend more time with my kids and extended family than I had in decades due to limited sports and other activities. And even work, while it didn’t stop (luckily), provided more valance - especialy more than now.
It’s amazing to see a perspective from such a different place on the spectrum. Spending more time with the kids is fine but watching them stagnate with little social life was really hard. I think it’s highly dependent on their age. Under 3: pure bonus for the kid because the parents are home more. 3-5: terrible for the kid because this is the time they’re supposed to be developing socialization with friends at preschool/school. 5-10: bummer but they got through it. My son got hit right in the 3-5 period. His social skills and life have still not fully cleared the cloud this put over him. Daughter was in the 5-10 and was able to get something out of remote school and limited access to her friends. Son got a raw deal.
It was also just physically so trying. You know how your day just goes differently when the kids are sick and don’t go to school? You have to attend to them the whole day through to make sure they are okay and not just stagnating on the couch and you can’t necessarily leave the house or do errands etc during the day like you normally would. It was like that, but for over a year, with lots of added stresses involved from the pandemic itself.
A scarring time. My job gave me something to focus on from home. But my wife, who is a full time parent, says she has never recovered.
I’ve had bad anxiety my entire life, but I never felt like I really had social anxiety before the pandemic. Now I have a hard time talking to pretty much anyone unless they talk to me first.
…hi.
…and that’s enough social interaction for today.
When talking about people with ASD that’s called unmasking and is one of the main goals of therapy.
Assuming ASD stands for antisocial disorder, I didn’t realize there was therapy for it. I thought it was essentially just “I don’t like those people, and I don’t like THOSE people either…actually, I don’t like most people. I’m just going to keep to myself.”
Now, maybe I’m wrong, and ASD stands for something else.
Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
That would be ASPD.
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Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
We don’t have a natural ability to infer emotions from body language, for a start. We have to learn to actively pay attention to it. Replacing natural instinct that a neurotypical person has with an active thought process is tiring, for a start.
Add to that most ASD people have trouble with emotional control, need to actively think about their own facial expressions, and often have social quirks that are unacceptable like nail biting which must be actively repressed… and being around others for hours on end is exhausting.
On top of this, most ASD people also have ADHD, and in the modern open office environment between the social aspect and never ending barrage of distraction, and the workplace is hostile, actively hostile to folks with ASD.
This combination of factors leads to having no where to unmask and relax until they get home. When they do, they are so exhausted from being something they are not for 10 hours (commute has to be included as its all public space) that when they get home they just shut down. They don’t call family or friends usually, they don’t get things around the house done. They have to turn off and try to re-energize themselves for doing it all again tomorrow.
I know all this as I am ASD and ADHD
Being able to work from home has brought actual balance to our lives as we can unmask the moment the camera goes off, we have rooms at home where we can close the door and remove distractions (well except mandatory work chats, but its a matter of muting that for focus) and at the end of the day we still have energy for our actual lives. In other words, this is the true work-life balance that I had always heard of but never truly felt I had.
Well, working from home it still requires discipline to optimize distractions, but it’s at least possible.
Absolutely, especially with ADHD in the mix. When demand aversion kicks in, your brain literally tries to undermine any attempt to focus unless you can force it to cooperate. Music usually helps me with this.
I’ll be honest, the lockdowns were awesome for me. “Now you bitches get to see how I live.”
And the mad increase of online ordering, no contact pickup, and how people aren’t crawling up your ass in line at the grocery store anymore? I could not have hoped for better.
😌 It truly was the good old days when we just had a global pandemic to worry about.
Gods do I miss social distance lines
I miss having free time without the impending pressure to do things.
I’m health wise OK but my wife isn’t for the rest of her life so I have to take precautions everywhere. I don’t mind because I really don’t like dealing with people anyway.
I do grocery pickup and go inside the store maybe four or five times a year now.
I haven’t been to the inside of a restaurant in over three years, we use patios and sidewalk tables outdoors.
I specifically only ever use gas stations where you pay at the pump.
I haven’t been to a mall or indoor space with people in years now.
I order everything else to my door.
I really don’t miss dealing with people and now find it completely weird and disorienting to deal with people in public now.
now find it completely weird and disorienting to deal with people in public now.
This is what I’ve been hearing (and experienced). And that it’s not a preference, it’s more that the nervous system has struggled to recalibrate; or there was not enough opportunity for it to do so and that has led to a feedback loop
The impostor syndrome and such are crazy though, when working remotely from my dust and cockroaches box.
I go out but I do most of my big shopping as delivery. I just can’t bring myself to go to Walmart very often. Most of my little shopping is at dollar stores. You know, the little things we used to get at what we used to call “milk stores.”
Yeah it was certainly a net positive for some. Of course this post isn’t a criticism of those that enjoyed it, or were unaffected by it. But there is a sort of lost generation group, so to speak, too. That includes younger people who feel maladroit or disconnected in a way that they tie to that period. People who already struggled to socialize and the period made it worse enough that they never recovered
Yeah my youngest kid was on the middle of her second school year when the lockdown started. She was so anxious around people when in person school started again. She’s gotten somewhat better in the past couple years, but still not quite the same.
Yes some kids I know, it just sort of became how they identify: shy, more anxious
Small rant incoming:
I’m actually still stuck inside more than in the Pandemic. Essential worker so I still went outside daily until i never got my energy back after having covid for the 5th? time.
About 3 years of doctors not really knowing how to treat it and encouraging me to keep trying what i could each day, which led to me basically destroying my body, until i got one of my countries leading experts who immediately told me to take bed rest the second i feel tired.
Since my immune system is basically gone i got a bunch of other illnesses some of which will probably never go away since the meds only alleviate the symptoms.
Upside is that I’ve been trialing a bunch of expirimental treatments for the specialised clinic that is opening soon, some of which had small but immediate effects. So at least those that will get diagnosed in the future don’t need to wait as long hopefully.
I got ME/CFS (closely related to long COVID) that first started in early 2020, so this is very relatable. As everyone was going back to normal I was getting worse. Do you mind if I ask what had a good effect? The only thing I’ve found that helps (other than rest and pacing) is nicotine patches for the brain fog.
Currently seeing some decent effects from low dose naltrexon, although it seems to shift my energy more than it increases it. The further I’m from having taken my daily (evening) dose the better i feel, but in the mornings I’m extra tired and can’t really focus my eyesight.
But it’s hard to separate the side effects from the multiple other treatments I’m building the dosages for.
Ah yeah, I’ve heard some promising things about LDN. My doctor won’t prescribe it for me though. There’s apparently a different version of it that’s being researched but it’s early days. Good luck with all.
I’m glad to hear you live in a country where you can get more specialized support! I hope the new treatments pan out
I got really lucky to get the right expert as my new doctor, since the upcoming clinic would only treat about 1000 patients a year with an estimated 60k waiting for treatment.
I call them “my people.”
I call us Happy! thank god for home office
During the pandemic I moved to the country, stopped using social media, and got a remote working job. I think the people who used to know me assume I’m dead.
I think a lot of people were waiting to see the results of the election. And COVID is still very real - immunocompromised people (e.g. elderly) will need to start taking vaccines twice rather than once per year due to recent mutations (except… hrm, I dunno if RFK will "allow* such, but at least that was the most recent guidance), plus everyone could get long COVID every time they get it despite the vaccine.
The pandemic changed our world, and it’s nowhere close to being over.
Also, inflation, so less disposable income to “go out” with.
There’s no “over”. Coronavirus is here to stay now, just like the flu. Thankfully it has become a lot more benign as it has mutated, and we know a lot more about it and have vaccines now, so it’s pretty manageable.
It’s benign in the sense of fatalities, but the lingering health issues from it seem more and more common now. I even know someone who is dealing with long term health symptoms that began right after dose 2 of the vaccine (I’m not an antivaxxer but this correlation is hard for them to ignore as they face their daily struggle to be the person they were before).
I hope we continue to manufacture vaccines in the future, rather than e.g. outlaw them. I wonder what would happen if government research into which strains are most prominent (needed to make the vaccines every year/season) were to be halted? Private companies may have to pick up the slack, like maybe you’ll get your choice of a Google vs. Microsoft vs. Apple vs. Facebook vaccine? Maybe, if every accusation really is a confession, this time there really will be trackers embedded in them?
I say all that to emphasize that what “we” (all) know is in flux - e.g. if you were to ask RFK what he knows vs. the common man on the street vs. a scientist - and what will happen is heavily dependent upon the current status quo remaining in place. Which seems unlikely.
But maybe RFK will say something to anger Trump and be gone in a week or two, like so many before him. Who knows?
Coronavirus is here to stay now, just like the flu.
By ‘the flu’, do you mean that virus where one entire strain was eradicated by masking and distancing over the winter?
THAT flu? The one with the strain that died out after trivial effort? Do you want to use it as an example of some perennial curse, or are you saying that we can eradicate covid again with similarly trivial effort?
Why are you hooting as if we’ve eliminated the flu? Strains come and go. The flu is very much here to stay and continues to kill people every year. We also masked and distanced for a very long time and didn’t eliminate COVID. I am struggling so hard to see what your point could possibly be other than to take a shrill tone with this person for having the audacity to face reality.
It’s pretty clear that they meant “a constant factor in our daily lives”, you really don’t need to be this hostile.
I think their point is that, with effort, it can be become a thing of the past.
However, so many are unwilling to put forth the effort because it’s either too inconvenient or they’ve been brainwashed into believing it’s a hoax.
Maybe people who lived in red states developed this notion that no one put in the effort but where I live we certainly did on a large scale and it did not eliminate the virus. Other cultures who already had a healthy practice of masking when sick still got hit with COVID. This notion that we could have eliminated it if people had just put in a tiny effort… I don’t know where y’all are getting that from.
I’m not placing trust in anyone who sold us out to corporations and fascists a second time
Introverts? Really I had a pretty good time
those left behind
No…he means the ones just staying at home. Not the ones covid killed.
"he means the ones just staying at home. Not the ones covid killed. "
as far as I can tell, yes.
you call people killed by covid “those left behind”?
Do you not? Or is this like the sixth sense sort of thing, where they just kinda hang around for you?
…wait, am I bruce willis?
My socializing during the pandemic was more or less the same as before or after the pandemic. I am very sensitive to sound, a introvert, a huge nerd and don’t care for most of the topics “normal” people talk about like sport. I have no reason to go outside, I don’t like to be at places with many people and I don’t any knowledge in topic that can be used for smalltalk.
Due to this the biggest part of my social bubble is located all over the world and we communicate purely online. It was called lockdown but for me it was just a normal Tuesday.
I wouldn’t necessarily blame your niche interests or anything else like that. There’s lots of people this applies to who just forgot how to socialize. I would put myself in that category. I like sports and many other popular things, and I used to be reasonably easy to talk to but ever since covid I’m considerably more awkward in social situations.
Someone I haven’t seen in two years will ask what I’ve been up to and my mind just goes blank. It’s not that I’ve been sitting at home doing nothing the whole time but for some reason none of the things I could talk about come to me in the moment. It’s a strange thing to feel yourself being socially inept in a way that you didn’t used to be. I’ve gotten better but it’s still weird a lot of the time.
This is exactly the type of thing I was reflecting on. Have you also found yourself having a lower tolerance for stressors?
Yeah I would say so. I am pretty laid back by nature and there are some minor things that impact my mood in a negative fashion more than they used to. That could be getting older in general but I do think being away from those kinds of things for a while has made them harder to ignore.
I am quite similar and it turns out I’m on the autistic spectrum. I was excited to discover this as it explained sooo much about myself. Just my 2 cents
