It’s the emperor’s new clothes in action. They’re terrified we’ll all suddenly perceive the naked corruption at the heart of the game.

Hey get it right it’s the “Independent Key Match Incidents Panel”. The fact they put independent in the name shouldn’t distract from the fact the panel is made up a a member of PGMOL, a member of EPL (which owns the PGMOL) and three anonymous ex players. It is funded by the EPL which, in case you missed it, owns PGMOL. So the panel is “independent” in the same sense that Alan Shearer is a hairdresser or Apple computers are made of fruit.

That’s easy. Dennis Bergkamp. Finds space where nobody else can.

Almunia - without doubt. He inspired uncertainty at all times.