Why are we infantilizing adults? Interpersonal relationships are complex and nuanced; we can acknowledge and even warn against the potential dangers of severe age-gap relationships without insulting the autonomy and choices of those involved. These neo-puritanical bullshit tendencies creeping in on the left needs to stop; it’s a trojan horse for the next generation of conservatives. Reject non-nuanced conservative-bate thinking.
I get what you’re saying, but often the age gap isn’tthe problem: the men are.
When a 40 year old man dates a 20 year old, often times the man is an absolutely toxic child. That’s why the relationships are bad.
If both people were actually decent then things are okay, but that ain’t the case.
I agree that the way we socially condition and, more importantly, hold men accountable are the real issues, which only reinforces my point. If the problem is men rather than age gaps, why disparage age gaps and not male behaviors instead? It’s like trying to focus on getting the blood stain out of a carpet while somebody has an open wound on their arm and continues bleeding out; it’s focusing on the wrong part of what’s wrong in the scenario.
Maybe it’s more like walking into the room, seeing three square meters of blood, then saying “holy fucking shit something is wrong”
Your misunderstanding is that people think the blood on the floor is the problem.
And you’re right: sometimes there is a perfectly good reason why the floor is covered in blood.
Absolutely. There’s a reason why 40 year olds are going after teens - they know that women their age wouldn’t put up with their bullshit but the younger women will. They’re predators through and through because healthy relationships are equal, there is no power imbalance.
Because while it may result in a stable, positive, loving relationship (or just mutually great, harmless sex that’s what they’re after), it’s a strong predictor when people are actively seeking a relationship with that kind of gap. Think about the likely reasons someone would seek that kind of thing, and the likely outcomes. I think it’s reasonable to look at this sort of thing with suspicion, but not to immediately dust off the pitchforks and light the torches.
Not all middle-aged single men distributing candy from the back of their windows van are paedophiles, but it’s both reasonable and responsible to look at what they’re doing with suspicion.
It’s interesting you’d bring politics into this when conservatives seem so wrapped up in protecting child brides, child beauty pageants, fetishise youth, and appear to be massively over-represented represented in paedophilia stats.
If you thought I was defending conservatives, you’re wrong. There’s nuance to this; the topic is sexual dynamics but the purpose is dominance. This is a conservative kind of principle because it’s about limiting autonomy of consenting adults, enforcing social morals, and boogyman logic. We should be embracing and striving for a better, freer, more autonomous world, where everyone, women included, are empowered rather than limited, not just settling for a slightly preferable version of the patriarchy.
Which means embracing a nuanced world. Which is why I said acknowledge and even warn against the potential dangers of severe age-gap relationships; we don’t have to be blind to real world dangers, but that we shouldn’t let fear of those dangers drive us into blind ignorance again or else we’re just repeating the same cycle. Hence the trojan horse. We get better when we accept difficult concepts rather than accept simplified extractions for the masses.
edit: just in case my position is somehow still unclear, yes I’m using conservative as effectively synonymous with “bad” here. I’ll consider caring when they consider better conduct and positions.
I dunno. Speaking as a male, the reason I see older men seeking far younger women is that it’s easy to seem like the smartest guy in the room when you’re also the oldest guy in the room. You can project an air of worldliness that makes you seem smarter and wiser than you really are. You can get younger women, legal women, fawning over you because they’re young and haven’t really experienced enough of life and people to be wise to the bullshit. They avoid women around their own age because they’ve been around, they know all the tricks.
Yeah, which falls under the risks I mentioned not to be ignorant to.
But also, sometimes you’re a 23 year old who gets put on assignment at work with a 31 year old coworker and are surprised how well you hit it off.
My point wasn’t “yay age gap relationships!,” it was to evaluate the world around you with the necessary nuanced rather than reductively.
I don’t understand what you are arguing about it than. The post doesn’t say we should vote for age gaps in relationships to be banned. Supposedly you think it’s good to talk about the downsides of these relationships, but here you are, calling it a “conservative Trojan horse”. It seems like you actually do not want people to criticise it.
Serious question, who do you think is being infantilized here?
Subtext. This meme isn’t about the image, it’s about the culture upon which it is commenting. And a large reaction to that culture is beyond discouraging of age-gap relationships, it’s prohibitive of them. This reaction wants to redefine adulthood as post 25, label anyone above 25 who shows interest in those under as automatically and inherently predatory (as opposed to potentially predatory), and in doing so severely infantilizes anyone under 25 as “incomplete” adults, as if adulthood is some kind of clear journey with a specific and obvious destination, who they deem incapable of evaluating risks and circumstances and making autonomous choices.
This reaction wants to redefine adulthood as post 25
It’s even more than that, it wants to make adulthood some kind of sliding window where the age of the older partner defines how “adult” and “capable of making decisions” we see the younger partner, and the older a person gets the more people at the lower end of the age range get excluded for them from this fictional adulthood. For example: 60 and 30 would also be seen as inappropriate.
Now it’s perfectly normal for younger people not to find much older people attractive or suitable to have a relationship with and vice versa, and they may even find the idea repulsive, but this is still a personal preference. It’s probably even the preference of the majority of people, but that does not mean we should take away the agency of adults to choose their partners when they have a different, non-conforming preference. At that point it has nothing to do anymore with protecting vulnerable people from predators, but about imposing your own preferences and dating standards on other people, and you’re quite right in calling it out for the neo-puritanical and conservative thinking that it is.
Because just because you’re old enough to make your own choices, it doesn’t mean your choices are good. And from the other side, just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right. Lots of older guys who date much younger women are very predatory and manipulative.
Because just because you’re old enough to make your own choices, it doesn’t mean your choices are good.
And does this suddenly stop being true at 30? At 50? Fallibility is a human condition that extends well into adulthood.
And from the other side, just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right.
At no point have I been discussing the legality of anything. Legality is a separate conversation from morality, I agree.
Lots of older guys who date much younger women are very predatory and manipulative.
Yes, which I acknowledged, and even implicitly expressed the value in being aware of this fact. That cars have potential to result in fatal accidents is not good reason to fully discourage the use of automobiles, and the same logic applies here.
Found the older dude dating a 19 year old.
I’m 39, in a 10-year long monogamous relationship with a woman who is 35. Prior to her, my previous relationship was with a woman 6 years my elder.
What on earth is going on with that picture? Apparently the main source is this picture here.
Who processed it and why?
Looks like someone replaced their faces with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt
That makes some kind of sense. Internet logic perhaps.
I’m pretty sure only Paris’ face was changed
No, both were. Can’t remember the other one’s name but she’s recognizable in the original pic but some random in the modified one.
I think that’s Tara Reid.
She used to be cool, then had some plastic surgery gone wrong and attempts to fix it made it worse. I think she once told it kinda broke her inside and she hasn’t been the same since. No idea what she’s up to nowadays.
It’s definitely Tara Reid but after I look again I see there were some subtle changes to her face, as well.
subtle
It’s literally Jennifer Anniston’s face lol
Ohhh hmmmmmmmmm
Idunno, but even though they’re saying this is the original, I still think Urlacher and Johnson are unrecognizable. Some heavy editing is still going on, methinks.
Before it was boring. Now i kinda wanna fap
I don’t know what the impetus is, but some people seem compelled to put face filters on pretty much everything. I saw a post a while back with a historical photo that had been processed for some reason. It’s absurd.
Holy shit. They were children. These chicks were older than me back then and looked like adults.
Achievment unlocked. You have earned a new perspective!
Half your age plus seven.
Shit’s not hard, guys.
I don’t judge the age difference as long as they’re both adults. What two consenting adults do is up to them, it’s none of my business.
Oh, I judge, particularly the older person, but not in some moralistic way. But in a “if at 50 you can have a romantic or sexual relationship, even temporarily, with an 18-year-old, I have some unflattering views of you.”
It depends on the relative power imbalance at this point. If a 20 year old is out at bars going home with 50 year old dudes, then slay queen. If it’s 20 year old secretary with 50 year old boss, then there’s a much higher chance that the situation is fucked, though still not 100% I suppose.
I’m always conflicted on the sugar daddy scenario. I mean if a woman is attractive and wants to leverage that into a relationship that makes her financially comfortable, who am I to say no?
Hey is that Oyasumi Punpun?
I couldn’t remember the name and I am amused that the search string “sad bird manga” worked.
Lol I’m not even surprised, I mean that’s basically what it is
Unless you’re 20.
Some US state lawmakers would disagree
A relationship between a 20 yo and a 17 yo isn’t unethical. It’s not like we magically become more mature once we turn 18.
If I recall correctly, over here once the person reaches the age of consent (16) it’s considered legally acceptable if the different is + 4 years, meaning a 20 years old couldn’t be accused of being a pedo if they were going out with a consenting 16 years old…
They just need to remember to not be idiots and not to share pictures…
depends what your looking for
i like 1999 Dodge Durango type women
Solid. Rusty. Burning oil.
I can see it.
Beat up undercarriage.
But that 5.2L V8 will just go, and go, and go some more.
Hey bb my tailgate can’t close anymore and stuff falls out sometimes. Wanna hook up?
You did age divided by 2, TIMES seven. That… dramatically changes things.
I did not
Your hyperlink turned your ‘+’ into a space in the equation, which apparently counts as a multiplication symbol. This is the link you want: https://www.wolframalpha.com/input?i=Y%3DM%2F2%2B7%2C+M+from+20+to+50
Wolfram|Alpha doesn’t understand your query
I dunno I had a girlfriend who was 34-36 when I was 21-23 and it wasn’t weird or anything, still friends many years later even though we have our own families now. She got carded buying alcohol more than me so it’s not like it was obvious though.
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What if half my age plus 7 is 6 months less than my other half’s age? Too close?
They literally said that was the acceptable range.
You said your SO fails within that range.
Ergo, that’s acceptable.
…as the original comment said, “Shit’s not hard.”
But 10 years ago when we met it would have been outside that range.
Half my age plus 7 would have been 4.5 years older then her age then. How can it be acceptable now, but not then?
That’s literally how the formula is intended to work, since any given age difference means less the older the two parties are (ie. a 40 year old married to a 50 year old is no big deal, but that same couple at 16 age 26 years old is creepy, and illegally so).
If your partner was 4.5 years outside of the formula range when you met (and assuming when you met is when you started dating…not some stupid gotcha like “we met at church when I was a teenager and they were a young child, and we didn’t see each other romantically for another 15 years! Haha!”) it’s probably a situation where it was indeed eyebrow raising when you started dating.
Because we assume that life experience is an inverse square relationship with age.
Happily married but from what I’ve encountered in the wild, I wouldn’t/couldn’t do anything under 28 or so. It’s a completely different worldview.
Not that worldview matters that much when having sex
Yeah, but that only lasts 90 seconds. What do you do for the rest of the day?
Plot the downfall of the bourgeoisie
Send her home? It’s not like you are forced to spend a whole day with a hookup?
Cry.
Whatever you want, I suppose. Are we assuming they want to date them instead of just banging or what do you mean?
As I’ve gotten older, it’s not even just the worldview anymore, the body can look attractive but one look at the face and if the woman is young enough it’s an immediate turn-off.
but one look at the face…
The old paper bag trick does wonders.
Different phases of life, different priorities, and different perspectives. Someone in their 20’s is still trying to figure out what they want to do with their life. I’ve abandoned the search and am now stuck somewhere between raising my kids and trying to buy myself some free time before I die.
I also think you have to be friends with your spouse to have a successful marriage. Lucky for me, my wife is my best friend. It’s pretty difficult to build any sort of meaningful relationship with someone you have very little in common with.
My wife and I tried a poly phase (neither of us ended up liking anyone else lol) and while on dating apps I found 27 to be the minimum and upper 40’s to be the max. I realized that there was no real way to connect and relate to someone in a totally different phase of life.
Nah on tinder it’s 18 to 118 for me. Keep it legal, don’t hurt anybody, have fun.
don’t hurt anybody
Gonna have to be real careful in your upper range then… Not judging, just warning 😁
Make sure the hip has already been replaced.
Just not too recently. Trust me, I know.
Because once you reach a certain age, the hips do lie
Live out that Cialis commercial let’s go
Not actually how I know, but sure 😁
My 120 year old grandma is disappointed.
You want to avoid the 18yo, all the bots are there.
How do people deal with getting older when the hottest girls are out of your age range.
I was hoping as I get older women I’m most attracted to would get older. Seems my standards are just lowering but a 20 year is still banging.
Disclaimer: I’m old and retired. My wife is 7 years younger than me and we’ve been married 37 years.
You will always stop and look at and admire a pretty young lady. You might even think to yourself, “If I was 40 years younger!” And then immediately think to yourself “But any way”.
As you get older you will become more attracted to older women. Not because you think they are prettier than younger women, that’s biology for you. But, you will find the personality and cultural reference points of age far more compelling than plain beauty in your relationships. Turns out, shared life experiences and culture means more in the long run than the smell of bubble gum and all the drama of youth.
Eh. I want to fuck a 20 year old. I want to have a relationship with a 40 year old. I’ve been in two different casual relationships with women younger than me (33/23, and 35/26) and they were exhausting. Not having any common cultural touchstones was a much bigger bummer than I thought it would be. So I wanted to spend an hour or two with them, but I find myself perfectly content spending an entire day with my current (39/35) fiance.
How do people deal with getting older when the hottest girls are out of your age range.
There are certain qualities a man needs to consistently attract hot women. Age does not matter as much as one would think. It certainly doesn’t matter in a way that is fair to women.
So as the hottest girls leave my age range, I don’t much think about it. I’m turning 40 this year, and I’m worrying about how old I’ll be at my kids’ graduations not what any 20-somethings think about old man me.
You pivot from being attracted to physical attributes towards being attracted to personality.
That, and people who see you with all the warts, scars and more… And see it as just part of you.
IDK hot women are hot not based on age, if the have good common sense and intelligence, already above 7. I’d rather date an 18 year old who can think critically and not believe dumb nonsense on Facebook than a 40 year old who talks like a spoiled elementary schooler believing in essential oils and qanon shit. Plus no random kids from Father’s they don’t know💀
Is that even a serious question? It’s literally biology. Humans are in their prime between like 18 and 24 years old (just made that range up so could be +/- few years but likely close). Same concept as why a fucking tomato will look worse 4 days after you bring it home from the store. We are organic beings. Organic materials degrade. Just accept it ;-). There is more to a relationship than looks.
You may wanna bang a 20 year old when you’re 40, but would you want to date/marry a 20 year old? I certainly fucking wouldn’t.
In my experience, it doesn’t matter what you set your age or distance range to in Tinder, because you’re going to get people 10 years older or younger and a hundred miles farther away than you specify anyway.
There’s a little toggle box that says “only show me people in this age range” and that always works for me.
Yeah, that just never seems to work for long. I currently have it set to 35-45, and it’s showing me 20-somethings. And I live in a huge city, so it’s not like it’s running out of people in my age range to show me.
Divorced? Who the hell can even afford to get married anymore…
That’s one way to lower the divorce rate.
As a 40 year old dude I don’t think I’d be setting my age range to that upper bound if I were to be divorced. More like 35 and that’s with large caveats.
I was going to say 18-34 would be more believable. With most of them full supporters of “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”
Nor that low. Have you ever actually talked to a 19 year old as a 40 year old? …
As an actual 40 YO divorced dust that used apps for a bit, I felt weird doing 10 +/-, but I can’t imagine there are THAT many guys with such a wide range.
You’re going to be surprised at the number of young women with daddy issues.
Or people in general with the wrong age
Also true.
I thought this was the default setting until the user goes in to edit preferences. It was doing that to me until I went in to stop it from flinging my profile at literally everyone.
Isn’t the rule of thumb half your age plus 7?
So 27 is cool for a 40year old?
Per that rule of thumb, 27 is on the border of being creepy.
Yes?
Women hit their sexual prime around 26. I doubt most 40 year old men can keep up with a 27 year old.
… Challenge accepted.
You mean 18-99? Haven’t used tinder in ~7 years or so, but I believe there was an upper limit. Found out by trial and error that apparently some women enter their year of birth instead of their age, when I matched with someone who was allegedly 97 years old.
Sometimes women want a real man with real skills, not a 25-year-old boy living with his parents. Young healthy women are attractive. Win-win.
No. I tried. They’re 40 year old man children who are marginally better at hiding it, except these daughter fuckers won’t grow out of it.
It takes a special kind of toad to seek out a much younger spouse.
You may be right, but I hate it.
If you’re rated X, you’re some kinda gold even men turning silver try to make
