It is through my father I realised that people love being hypocrites. They love to preach but never actually practice what they preach. It is about having a sense of power over those deemed inferior. In the case of many parents, it is exercising power over children.
Statistically people with children love longer. Just don’t have a choice with the things you have to do. It leads to more exercise (running around) and sleeping earlier (you have zero energy after they go to sleep).
Well the sleeping earlier is moot because they also wake you up earlier ( and all through the night) they also prevent naps and other restful activity. I do exercise more and I do eat better, though, because I’ve got high standards for what the kids consume, and they’re insistent I share whatever I have with them. Also no more eating out, it’s all home cooking these years. Also pregnancy and breastfeeding forces years on end of sobriety from alcohol and also drugs (even a lot of medicine and caffeine!)
The sleep is much worse though and it feels like that makes every other aspect of life so hard
Yeah im not a parent but idk i see lots of parents making the mistake of working a ton of overtime to buy luxuries for their kids. Again not a parent but i think it makes a lot of sense to spend less money on your kids and more time with them.
I did that, but the luxuries were things like food, clothing, healthcare, and shelter.
Those aren’t luxuries, im talking about people buying their kids $1000 phones and stuff lile that. Get them the $100 phone and take a couple more days PTO instead. Much better for the kid.
And then get in a car without thinking about it.
Road traffic injuries are the leading cause of death for children and young adults aged 5–29 years.
Then if we exclude the million of deaths and additional millions injured every year, those things contribute to air pollution, noise pollution, microplastics, heat islands, and stress.
People will gladly stop smoking ‘for their children’, but then jump in their oversized pickup truck or SUV to move them around, while complaining about gas prices.
EDIT: I guess what I’m trying to say is that eating better and exercice more is one thing, but if we continue to consume, pollute, and trash the planet at this pace, we will all live longer just to see a planet that slowly becomes uninhabitable because of droughts and floods.
I’ve told my kids I intend to live forever. I have no choice with 2 on the spectrum and 1 with little hope of an independent life. I need to nut up forever.
It’s a bit of a shorthand and pretty mundane, but I always compare parenthood with the part of the flight safety demonstrations concerning the loss of cabin pressure (you do pay attention, don’t you?):
Put on your own mask first, then help others.
You have to take care of yourself and ensure your own security and well-being before even thinking of helping others. It’s really that simple.
I don’t understand the question really?
I discovered I had a chronic illness when my wife was pregnant with twins, our first (and last) children.
It was tough. Being able to care for my partner and kids is a fundamental part of my identity (like many people). At first I wasn’t sure if I was going to be around to see my kids born, but things settled into a rhythm and now 4 years later my condition is “stable”.
Like many illnesses, mine is heavily dependent on how well I care for myself: diet, exercise, lifestyle. However, these things are a question of time, so they compete with the objectives of just being a good dad and spending time with your kids, and with having a career and building financial security.
Before having a family I didn’t really understand “having time”. Rather than time it’s more like energy, or “cognitive power” or spoons or whatever. You only get so much each day and you burn through it being a good dad, going to work, being a partner, and so on. Basically, money, family, and health, are competing objectives.
Basically, the only option is to do everything you can to do all of the things as best you can. It’s hard.
With all of that said, I don’t understand the question. It sounds kind of judgey if I’m honest. You don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, or house, or head.
Well, it’s not about you specifically lol unless you know OP personally?
I don’t care if it’s not me specifically?
Well you shared some specifics that obviously makes you an exception to OP point.
Not really sure what you’re getting at but I just don’t care.
Have a nice day!
Judgemental was not my intention. Everyone has their own set of circumstances. The point is that many including myself should take better care of ourselves for our children, that is one of the better things we can do for our children. I also have a chronic illness that limits my ability, but I am not saying that our circumstances are the same.
You getting to the point of being “stable” as you said, IS taking care of yourself. That is love towards your family and yourself. That is doing everything you can for your children and family!
I could have added some more context in the description to clarify, sorry about that.
My bad, it was just an oddly phrased question and my inference was incorrect. I’m a bit defensive this stuff.
In my case having a stable condition is mostly thanks to the miracle of modern medecine. It’s not nothing though. The meds have awful side effects.
My main point is, every day I do what I can. There might come a day when I wish I had done more for my health, but today I know that I just don’t have any more to give.
My recommendation is not to judge yourself too harshly. It can cause problems like eating disorders and anxiety and delusions. The expectations on modern parents are stratospheric, when in reality just by being around for birth youre doing better than the majority of your ancestors.
My mother was a drug counselor who refused to ever even attempt to quit cigarettes.
She died at 62. I spent three years of my life caring for her at her end as she begged for cigarettes.
Her death broke my Dad, and I still care for him as he lives life as a hermit, fifteen years later.
I don’t have children of my own, or maybe one unofficially adopted one.
I am willing to make a number of sacrifices for the ones I love. This resolve has been tested but not yet broken.
But I am a stoner and a drinker, so have not escaped the same traps exactly.
I am more mindful of the choices I make, or at least that is what I tell myself. I keep a close community of those that I love and trust.
Stay away from tobacco. And probably alcohol as well. (And the hard drugs, coke/meth/opiates, of course.)
I have been obese my entire adult life. This year I have lost 30 lbs so far. But my despair has grown as I am also unemployed, so that weight loss has stalled. I can get back to it and will. This post was a good wakeup call.
Congratulations on the weight loss, I have also struggled with weight and am happy to say that I have lost about the same, and it feels a lot better. It is hard, but keep going until you are at a healthy weight!
Keep going. You have started addressing issues you see and you will find the habits to keep you healthy. I hope you find some employment or something that provides a steady income.
Yeah it’s one of the reasons I’m working to lose weight - so I can live longer for my kids.
Random internet strangers believe in you!
I keep saying this lol. Honestly the world needs dillegence more then heroics
The world needs less ego.
Alas,
the curse of having eyes
(ears/nose/mouth/senses, but that doesn’t slant rhyme with)
A front row seat to your life.
Ive lost 40 pounds in the laat five years. Its slow, but hopefully it helps.
Hell yeah, I’m right there with you. As I age it’s getting harder and harder to lose weight. I recently started fitting in exercise throughout my day. I was never a super unhealthy eater or snacker, but I’ve been trying to do a little better on the food side as well. What’s working for me is consistency. Not working my ass of or dieting just to drop weight fast and then gain it back when I can’t keep up with whatever strict regimine I planned. I have done that a handful of times before, and it always ends up the same. Now, I’ve been losing maybe 1lb a month for over a year. I’m not weighing myself obsessively, just keeping consistent exercise. If I feel a little hurt I don’t push through it. I recover and get back to consistency faster. I feel stronger, my balance is better, and I’m not working my ass of to do it.
God, the timing on this…
I’ve been thinking literally exactly this about myself and am working on losing weight, exercising and getting more sleep. I want to be there for her long-term and need to do better.
Not only that, but I find that half of being a parent is parenting yourself.
My son clearly imitates my behaviors. Whether it’s screen time or not interrupting or putting things away or so many things, I notice my own behavior and think, ‘If I saw him doing this, I’d tell him to stop. So I should stop.’
But man… I don’t wanna! Five more minutes! I’ll do it later!
Setting a good example is a lot of work.
Children are often a mirror to our true selves, not the delusions we want to be true.
Plus side, you see everything that makes the people around you love you.
Downside, you get to experience all the “cute annoying” habits you (and your partner) have, aimed back at you.
Yeah.
I like to phrase my rebirth as a dramatic circumstance in which I executed the previous me and buried his body in a shallow ditch to usurp his life and live it in a more respectable manor, but the actual practice of the affair was watching School of Life on YouTube and drinking less soda.
Were it not for my kid and later my spouse, I’d likely be a domestic terrorist at this point and I’m looking into therapy again to cope with the feeling of powerlessness that comes from having the skills to be a problem and also having enough to lose that I can’t risk it. It’s the only thing this life has brought me that I’m genuinely unhappy about.
Yes. And I will keep doing it. I promised my kids we’d watch Haley’s Comet together in 2060-whatever.
Right on 🩵🩵🩵
If these goddamn kids would let me sleep more I sure would. Although I know I’ll miss the days of tiny feet in my face some time after it ends.
