We can all beat the fuck out of cobras. Just sayin
It would probably be a pyrrhic victory though.
Yeah if there’s no anti-venom, this does seem like the kind of fight where just everybody dies.
Hey it diddnt say ‘win’ just ‘beat’ 😉
Yup. I mean, you might not survive with this method, but if you just get it to bite your foot (assuming you have shoes) you could just stomp it immediately afterwards.
Similar story for the eagle - it will definitely leave gashes in you, but so long as you flail your arms and get one decent hit on it (enough to get it out of the air), you would be able to cripple it decently fast.
I’m realizing I don’t really like thinking about hypothetically beating up animals, though. If they’re fighting you, they’re either scared for their lives, defending their young, or starving to death.
How do people think they can defeat a goose? They’re one of the meanest animals on the planet. They’re up there with wolverines and opossums.
It’s easy. Grab the neck behind the head, spin, and throw. The goose figures out not to attack the 150+ pound ape after that. Not all the apes though, just the one that threw the thing.
Have you ever seen geese fight? They’re vicious.
That’s the technique I have successfully used on no less than 4 different occasions. Yes, they bat at me with their wings, but if you are fast enough to neutralize the head, the bird only weighs 20-25 pounds. At that point inertia takes over, and you can practice your Olympic “hammer throw” technique
Fair. I’ve never personally fought a goose, but I’ve seen them fight each other. It’s brutal.
I have wrangled several chickens, but they’re among the dumbest animals on the planet.
You pretty much just grab it and do whatever you want from there
Geese are mean and scary, but that doesn’t make them deadly. Unless they get a super lucky shot on a major artery they can’t kill you. You might end up with some deep scratches but I don’t think a goose could even break anything more than your hand. If it’s a fight to the death at the end of the day you can just run at the goose and tackle it, sacrificing your face and legs and arms to some really bad scratches.
Bruh they weigh like 15 lbs and their neck is long and poorly protected. If you can’t beat a goose in a fight there’s something wrong with you lol. Sure it might be hard to catch but it’s not like a single goose is going to take you down Shadow of Colossus style by skillfully dodging all your attacks while it goes after your weak points and once you get ahold of a goose it’s dead.
Common and Virginia possums are timid and will hiss or faint if they’re confronted and can’t run away.
What kind of possum is mean?
I don’t want to be gross, but when I was a kid, my dad was bringing me home from Little League and there was an opposum in the driveway. My dad ran it over with his car, and later on that thing got up and walked away. I count winning in a fight means to the death, and those things don’t die.
Chill man, lol! it doesn’t say to fight to the death, there are other ways to determine the victory of a fight!
Right lol. I was gonna say I get comparing geese and wolverines, they’re both known for high levels of aggression, but opposums are known for remaining so still you think they’re dead lmao it’s almost the exact opposite!
If people knew more about chimpanzees, they’d be right down there with bears and elephants. I would 100% take a wolf or a kangaroo, taking Aussies at their word about how insane roos are, over a chimp.
At the same time people also murder the fuck out of chimps with fairly primitive tools and have for a long time, what chimps really got on us is that crazy murder energy that you only really see in humans with the aid of PCP. Wouldn’t wanna fight one but in theory its about equivelent to fighting an unbelivably pissed off human.
Kangaroos do this move where they try to kick the balls off their male opponents. No thanks.
Still better than a chimp
have you seen their nails? their kick can easily disembowel you.
I have. It’s terrifying.
Or disemball you in this instance.
Would enjoy watching some tough guys try and fight anything from chimp on down.
“Yeah, bro, I can totally fkn take an elephant!”
14 May 1805: Narrow Escape
One of their most harrowing experiences with a grizzly occurred on 14 May 1805, on the bank of the Missouri River between the Milk and Musselshell rivers. Clark wrote:
Six good hunters of the party fired at a Brown or Yellow Bear Several times before they killed him, & indeed he had like to have defeated the whole party, he pursued them Seperately as they fired on him, and was near Catching Several of them one he pursued into the river, this bear was large & fat would way about 500 wt
Lewis described the climax of the incident:
he pursued two of them seperately so close that they were obliged to throw aside their guns and poucnes and throw themselves into the river altho’ the bank was nearly twenty feet perpendicular; so enraged was this animal that he plunged into the river only a few feet behind the second man he had compelled to take refuge in the water, when one of those who still remained on shore shot him through the head and finally killed him.
When they butchered the animal, they found that a total of eight rifle balls had entered its body in different directions.
https://lewis-clark.org/sciences/mammals/bears/grizzly-bear-encounters/
You will not beat a grizzly bear unarmed. You might not beat a grizzly bear armed.
When I visited Yellowstone, I found a clearing that recently had a bear in it. Grizzly or not, there was a claw mark about 7ft up on a pine tree, and there were peels of bark hanging down the tree. That bear casually peeled the bark off the tree with the same effort you could peel a cucumber with a peeler.
I love that the original word for bear has been lost to the annals of time because it was feared that saying the word for bear out loud would summon a bear and that was instant total party kill for everybody involved.
Bears are the original boogie men.
On another etymological note, we have no idea where the word “dog” comes from.
Poughkeepsie. That’s where.
I’m way more confident in my ability to take a goose than a cat. Geese are mean and can hurt, but push come to shove I could tank that with adrenaline.
Cats will claw your eyes out.
Yes, I assume most people have never experienced a cornered cat.
Graph is missing Australia…
I think they’re the kangaroos.
anyone honestly saying they could win a fight with a bear is someone who hikes with a .45 and thinks that will do anything for them before the bear has already killed them
Park rangers are advising hikers and campers in national parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance, so they won’t be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them, which might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors are told they should also carry a pepper spray can just in case they encounter a bear. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear’s sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear droppings so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognise the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.
note that none of that is shooting a bear with a gun or fighting the bear because those “hikers” are the goddamn dumbest
Note that this is a joke because the final sentence indicates that the people wearing the bells have sprayed the grizzly with the pepper spray and were still eaten.
🤦 my b
Hand to hand? Up to and including a large dog. Only one animal at a time, mind you. And the dog would likely tear me up good.
Armed with whatever I can get at home? Maybe up to crocodile depending on the range.
For anything else, I’m going to need to buy larger guns, or try to kill the animals with a vehicle. Depends on which vehicle and which animal. Not that I would willingly hurt anything on the list.
(The post said fight, it didn’t say “unarmed”)
It did in fact exactly say “unarmed”, assuming the image is accurate.
It says ‘unarmed’ but it doesn’t clarify if you’re unprotected. I assume not and you’re in the standard issue Spandex shorts of fighting. So I would likely bleed out as a result of everything past rat, which is hardly a victory.
I had a wounded squirrel I thought my cat had killed lacerate the fuck out of my arm once. My cat would not have been as stopped at the tendon like that squirrel. And she knew it.
I’m surprised by eagle being so low. Like, they don’t exactly have a ton of mass, and can’t pick you up. If you can avoid getting blinded, there’s not a whole lot they can do to you that isn’t superficial scratches. If you can grab them, it’s over.
I think you are underestimating how much an eagle talon can fuck up your face and neck, and difficult it would be to restrain one unarmed.
Anyone could thrash an eagle stupid, even the big ones. But if they get hold of you first, yeah, those wounds won’t be superficial.
Ask a falconer about getting “footed” by their bird.
Full size eagle could easily break your hand, or possibly your forearm, if it got the right grip. No claws needed.
Okay, I grabbed it and now it opened two of my arteries. What should I do next?
Everyone thinks they could win a fight against a little person until they find out he’s holding knives in each hand and another in his mouth. Also eagles are huge.
Most of an eagle’s size is their wings.
Now we know why life expectancy is lower in the US…
Sure, us Americans are obviously delusional, but can we talk about the fact that almost half of all brits think they would lose to a goose? They’re 20 pounds, have no teeth or claws, and their bones are hollow. Have a little confidence, guys, I’m sure you can take poultry in a fight.
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Actually, this does explain why all those brits in Untitled Goose Game let the goose walk all over them.
Almost half of Brits might not be as able-bodied as you might imagine.
I’m more interested in the rat fight, because I had my fair share of mouse encounters and rats are bigger, more dangerous and just as quick.
The rat one would depend very much on what shoes I had on.
If I had my work boots on, Remy’s getting punted across the room.
I mean, Americans have huge obesity rates, but apparently, nearly 20% of us think we can take a chimp. I’m sure a rat couldn’t kill me, but I have no idea how I would catch one with my bare hands, so that feels like a draw to me.
Might be easier to catch if its literally gnawing at you and attacking you.
Most people would consider their opponent running away to be a victory.
I kinda assumed this was a cage-match, fight-to-the-death kind of thing. I think most animals would rather run away than fight you, unless you’re encroaching on their territory or look like an easy meal.
I think of it more for the rat, that if it wants to it’ll fuck me up, but I’m more likely to kill it before it kills me.
Have you ever been attacked by one of those demon spawns? They will not stop attacking you, you can boot it and it will just get up and continue, I’d rather fight a kangaroo, at least when you punch one of them in the face they back off, goose just gets angrier.
I had a goose come at me once. I held my jacket open like it was a giant set of wings and he ran like hell. I was not impressed.
“Oh shit!” -goose
Huh, a jacket you say. Well looks like it’s round fucking 15 time goose!
Jacket? Have you tried a hammer?
Yeah, goose stole it and started hitting me with it.
kangeroos are pretty jacked though.
Yeah, but you crack one right in the face and they second guess you, they’re lower body fighters.
Like, I’m not talking about fighting a big red kangaroo that’s built like Brock Lesnar, just your normal grey kangaroo.
But even then those Brock Lesnaroos don’t like getting punched in the face.
Only punch one if they start it tho, which they probably will, but don’t be a dick.
Yes but you can kill a goose easily. The only reason they are a nuisance is because most people don’t want the heat of killing them.
Geese are terrifying though
If you know you will fight it, might as well just go for it and grab it’s neck or something
MARIO STOMP!
Less than 80% of people think they could take on a rat in a life or death battle. You could literally pass out and fall on it and probably crit it.
But if you miss you wake up with no face
Not everyone is a 15-55 year old able bodied person.
A good chunk of the population is disabled and mobility impaired. Large swaths of the population are elderly.
And the fight would be harder than against a cat.
Wtf are those people smoking? Have they ever seen a domesticated cat in severe distress??
I would rather fight any bird than a cat.
I generally agree, but maybe not all birds:
Cats have FIVE pointy ends and an extremely powerful will to live.
The longer I look at this the more fascinating it gets. The fact that the bottom rows are not absolute zero across the board. The fact that the US respondents are well over 3% confident they could take on a grizzly unarmed. Is it just a social thing, always responding with confidence ? Or do they have no basic idea what a grizzly really is. Are these always the same people who think they can take on a bear and a lion? So many questions, so little data.
A human isn’t doing anything to an elephant unarmed. Punchs? Kicks? You’re not going anywhere near that trunk. It’s like kicking a tank.
If the elephant was a scared little bitch. You could probably scare hunt it into exhaustion maybe, maybe
I’ll stop at eagle, but it would be a close match, and I’d need the ER. Eagles aren’t heavy, and if you can get your hand around it’s neck, it’s all over–swing it like a chicken. A large dog would be a toss-up, and no one is beating a chimp. No one. More people could beat a cobra than a chimp. There was the video of the guy besting a kangaroo, but that would not be me. The rest are fantasy.
I’m 6’1", 250 lbs and hulking and my ancestors were dog soldiers who would bring dogs with us to war and in winter when food was getting a little scarce we would toss Fido in the pot.
I said that to say I can and have sucessfully fought a large dog before, but not a rabid large dog, just angry large dog.
That being said, If the dog is rabid, all bets are off.
If someone put a gun to my head and said, fight the chimp to the death or die right now, I would do my best, but unless I get really lucky, maybe, maybe 30% of the time I win.
