Specifically the fear of violence, discrimination, and losing your rights to an increasingly oppressive regime? I know that my coping methods aren’t healthy or good since they revolved around trying to ignore it, until it became unignorable. So how do you cope with this?
I’d like to find some more strategies so I don’t give in to the urge to drink the fear and pain away again.
By translating everything to action.
The way I see my situation is that passing is a matter of survival - so I put all that anxiety and fear into my self-care and into my transition. The fear motivates all the exhausting labor put towards transition like hair removal, getting surgery, etc.
It helps motivate my willingness to take care of my body (skin, hair, nails, etc.), to learn and refine makeup and fashion skills, and to hydrate, eat healthy, and exercise.
Every step helps make it more likely I will pass as cis and be safe from stochastic violence. The steps I have taken have helped me survive interactions with the police, for example. Prioritizing passing has helped me reduce or avoid the cumulative stress that living as visibly trans incurs.
Focusing on action also translates to other efforts, like the long-term project of moving from a hostile place to a place with trans protections, or going through the bureaucratic process of updating all my legal documents.
By translating fear into action, I not only pragmatically prioritize survival, I also can put the emotions aside and focus on the problem solving. Rather than giving into despair, I try to find the next foot hold and stay calm, focused, and moving towards the next tangible step I can take. This creates a sense of autonomy and control, which is also helpful.
When it’s not adaptive or helpful to get lost in despair or emotion, I stay focused, but I find when there are moments when I can afford to, I can experience despair and breakdown crying. Seeing a therapist, writing in my journal, and talking to friends can help me process my emotions.
Otherwise I just try to stay a bit disconnected from the reality - remain open to the variety of possibilities, and don’t pre-judge or assume how it will go. There are many possible bad outcomes, but I have been surprised with how many probable good outcomes can occur, even from within a bad outcome.
So just ride the waves and direct yourself towards a better reality, and in the meantime take joy in the present moment and remain open and aware of the possibilities.