I’m in semester 1 of a Master’s degree in Mathematics. I have always wanted to be a math professor. It’s my dream to do that with my life.
And I adore my current professors. I love the material I’m learning from them, and I feel privileged to be here. But I have to work 2 jobs on top of being a student, just to stay afloat.
I took off work for my second job in order to make time for me to grade a stack of exams for my first job. However, when I arrived back home, I collapsed on my bed from exhaustion and slept through the entire time I’d set aside for grading.
I don’t know what to do. I’m on track to doing the one thing I’ve ever wanted to do, but I don’t know if I can make it.
I had a double major in math and comp sci for my undergrad. I could always just find a job at a tech company writing software, but it really would fucking suck to give up on my dreams because rent is too high for me to pursue them.
I was given an amazing opportunity to work for the University, and part of that involves me never having to pay them tuition. But even with tuition being a complete non issue (save for the predatory undergrad loans I have), I still feel like I’m drowning.
I’m beginning to feel like chasing my dreams was a mistake.
Get some rest and look at how things stand when you are in a better state of mind. I find that when i am tired and sleep deprived i tend to be much more pessimistic and doomer about things than when i am well rested. Then you can look at your situation rationally and decide what works, what doesn’t and what steps you need to take to fix the issues you are having. Perhaps you will find there are less drastic measures that can reduce your work load somewhat instead of going to the utmost extreme of deciding to give up altogether on something that you have already invested so much in and worked so hard for. That being said if you do at some point decide that what you thought you wanted to do is no longer for you, then that is ok too, as long as you take the time to really think about the decision you are making and ensure that you have good reasons for it and are not acting purely on stress, exhaustion or other negative emotional states.
I can’t offer any more concrete advice than that because i don’t know the specifics of your situation (which is probably for the best as you shouldn’t share too many personal details here anyway for opsec reasons).
There are scholarships and bursaries that you can probably apply for. If all else fails, you can get another student loan. And see if you can delay payment for your current one since you’re still in school.
When I was doing my masters, I lived in complete squalor to save on rent. I rented a room in a house that was borderline habitable that I found on Kijiji/Craigslist. Not something I’d recommend but you can consider moving to somewhere cheaper if you’re short on funds.
If your first job is a TA, maybe consider quitting that job since it takes a lot of time and doesn’t pay very much.
