Just experienced sensory overload again because I had some important tests at school and the most minor sensory annoyances (eating with my parents and grandma and having to tolerate fridge, cutlery noises and some light conversation) sent me into a painful shutdown (which caused my mom and grandma to speak with (EDIT: well to, I couldn’t really speak with them) me, which didn’t make it better).
In the end, I just forced myself to eat the food and ran(well stumbled) off to my dad (who left early to watch sports) and was alone with him and just sat with him for some time. Not long after, I just left to lay in bed in a fetal position fully covered by a blanket for ~1-3 hours and occasionally listened to some random music in my downloads (with minimum brightness since everything else was too painful).
I’m still in an emotionally vulnerable condition and wouldn’t feel safe going out alone(or doing anything else alone for that matter). I did drive a car and did some risky stuff, I shouldn’t do (don’t drive in a psychological condition like this, you could kill someone). (EDIT: also, my motor abilities are really limited in sensory overload(how did I even survive the drive))
So sensory overload is in my opinion the most painful thing about autism. Or vulnerability when in distress. Other than that, I like my autistic traits.
Bold of the the mulleted human View-Master to assume there’s only one thing.
That one little reminder that you are different than everybody else, and no matter how hard you try, no matter what medicines you take, you will always be alone in that way.
Yeah I don’t think you’re alone in any of that.
There’s something about waking up that just ruins everything.
People being rude. In particular, people eating or making sporadic noises near me at work. And people who talk on speakerphone on quiet trains. I just… can’t handle it.
-
Any minor inconvenience or disruption of my plans.
-
Someone wanting something but instead of asking for it directly, they drop hints. Even if I pick up the hint, I refuse to acknowledge them if you’re not going to just say what you mean.
-
Persiatent and/or loud noises. Macherinery going, big fans, large groups of people all talking at once, the chirp of a smoke alarm needing a new battery, etc.
-
Bright white lights give me headaches. Bright neon lights are cool and fun tho. I don’t really understand this one myself; a light blue light is almost white but it’s okay. 🤷♂️
-
Sock getting bunched up near a toe when I’m in a public place and can’t remove the shoe.
Maybe I’m oblivious, but I can’t imagine a scenario where adjusting your shoe/sock would seem that weird. Now when you have a giant booger stuck in your nose and no tissue, that’s a different story.
I’m in Autistic burnout… the slightest stress - just about any official letter, appointment with benefit agency or sometimes just something nasty on the news - can lead me straight into dissociation or shutdown. Occasionally, just having to concentrate hard can also wipe me out in a similar way. It usually takes at least a few days for me to recover.
I’m nearly 60, and this is new to me - I mean, I’ve had bouts before, but never as debilitating as this. I used to be able to cope with these things, even if they darkened my day.
Whooof.
This also describes our state, and it sucks.
Solidarity. You’re so right. It’s a wild ride, but I’m charting my symptoms, and they ARE improving - I hope the same is true for you. U had to make some big changes, cutting out energy drains, and then cut more and more. Self care is the most important thing in burnout, but learning what you need to do to provide yourself care is the hardest.
When the elevator takes too long.
Edit: Also, this might be work specific, I do maintenance, when someone keeps talking with superfluous language and I already know everything they are going to say. Situations are formulaic, tell me where and what, everything else is erroneous, stop wasting both of our time. You’re at work, not on stage. Fuck!
It is genuinely a major pet peeve there’s 2 elevators at work i push a button, nothing happens neither is moving whats happening? Who knows. But if i press both buttons the second elevator may move, why is one elevator seemingly locked out of use unless multiple demands are made? it pisses me off bad enough i will just take 6 flights of stairs if im already off center.
Getting interrupted “real quick” while I’m in the zone.
To not understate, everyone hates that, yes, but I am actively done for the day. I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore, I lose my appetite, I don’t want to play my games, I don’t want to finish work.
I’m done, and the task that I was doing is at an extreme risk of never being completed ever again.
I make my space to be “in the zone” with so much effort, don’t break it, it’s sacred to me.
Imagine watching a magical 3 hour movie and 2 hours in somebody cuts the power, and if you want to watch it again you have to start from the beginning
I hear ya. I have a ballooning collection of unfinished games because I lost that “zone” for too long or was interrupted too frequently.
Exactly. I mean, I know it’s a first world problem but I suffer being both a completionist and neurodivergent.
Doing or saying something that you later realise afterwards was not “normal” behavior and that people saw past the crack in your mask.
Guaranteed to give you an instant impostor syndrome attack that will last for the rest of the day, leaving you obsessively overthinking about how your messed up that basic social interaction, which leads you to make even more mistakes like that which compounds the problem.
I’ve had similar experiences about childhood stories. My parents were… Uhh… Not great. There have been several instances where I have told what I thought was a funny story, only to have friends/coworkers/etc end up looking horrified instead.
Them: “Ugh I hate having to tell my parents no. My mom keeps nagging me to do [something benign] and I really don’t want to. I know it’s going to be a big argument. It’s just bad for my mental health.”
Me: “Oh yeah, I know how you feel. My dad would always try to pick me up from elementary school while drunk. I’d have to tell him I was walking home instead of getting into the truck with him. It always turned into a big argument, where he’d follow along beside me yelling out his window while I was walking on the sidewalk. But I knew that eventually he’d get frustrated and drive off by the time I was at the end of the block, and he’d always be passed out by the time I made it home anyways. She’s just testing your boundaries and you should stick to your guns. Don’t let her pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, cuz we’re full adults now. Don’t let her treat you like a kid just because she’s older than you. Ya know?”
Them, visibly concerned: “I-… Uhh… Do you still talk to your dad?”
Me: “Not really. We just see each other at holidays. He lives a few hours away, so it’s not like I’m going to hang out with him regularly. Why?”
Them: “Oh, no reason…”
Damn that is some story! I’m sorry 😔
We also have the experience of telling “funny” stories, that people find less “funny” and more “horrifying”.
I’ve gone days after an interaction with a cashier or similar (i.e. someone who will have forgotten our interaction two minutes later) thinking about how the phrase I used was dumb or weird.
With people I know it’s even worse. I get “remember that time you said that weird thing” a year later… it sucks.
Ugh, rumination!! Absolute bane of my existence! If I’m left alone with my thoughts, they go supernova on this shit. Apparently it’s a fight or flight mechanism? Or at least it’s trying to protect you, but it doesn’t, it just sends me into a spiral. I used to swear at it, but then I started swearing (at myself) in public (oops!) So I had to stop doing that.
But I’ve had so much trauma in my life, my brain has picked rumination as a way to “not get into an incident like that again, if we micro analyse every nee and old interaction” so I’m working on letting my nervous system know that doesn’t keep me safe, that’s actually putting me in danger, (it’ll break my self worth and sense of self, so much I won’t be able to socialise at all, or send me into overwhelm and distress). And i do a Physiological sigh. Mostly working so far.
This question, but everyone has to sit in a circle and share their answer plus repeat the answer of everyone that went before them.
When someone interrupts you in the middle of doing something to talk about something and they keep talking on and on just repeating themselves bringing no new information.
When my workflow is repeatedly interrupted by a stupid notification, request to “log in your Microslop account” or the OS hanging a few seconds after every use input on the Windows computer that I am forced to use for work. All unnecessary hurdles that interrupt my ideal workflow are the worst.
When you’re working in something that requires you to concentrate and you are being repeatedly pulled out of this state of concentration by people who bug you about things. If it happens too many times in a row you end up with a huge headache and need a few hours of rest before you can concentrate again.
Something scheduled. I am useless in the lead up because “I have to be ready”
Even a Teams call where I know what to do and say and am fully versed in the topic. The whole day I’m like “got that thing at 11, can’t miss it”.
Turns out the Sword of Damocles is not a parable about the precariousness of people in positions of power, it’s just a first hand allegory of a neurodivergent person with a scheduled phonecall in the the afternoon.
And then I randomly start doing something else and forget the really important appointment or meeting anyway
AuDHD gang.
10:58 waiting with the Teams window open, might just check my email
11:17 oh no
Something scheduled that gets canceled 5 minutes before it’s supposed to happen.
God thats the best feeling
I had an in person meeting that did that recently. I’m wfh most of the time, and this really soured me
So much this.
Opening the post to comment an afternoon appointment…. Yeah.
omg 100%. if I have anything going on at all, even if it’s just a fucking delivery, it ruins my whole day
Not being on time to a planned event. I want to be slightly early/on time. For reasons unbeknownst to me, when I say “we need to leave at 35 after to get there on time”, the people I’m going with aren’t ready until 50 after. Drives me absolutely bonkers.
One time in high school I was supposed to go to a movie with a friend of mine, she was supposed to come to my place first and we’d leave from there. She never showed up (and it was the 90s so no texting) so I was just like “okay” and went about my day. Two days later she randomly showed up at my house and asked if I wanted to go. I said no because she was two entire days late and now I’m doing something else, and she got annoyed at me for not dropping everything and going.
I do not understand this.
I hate not being on time. It gives me mad anxiety. I’m usually 10 mins early and then everyone else is late (which I’m surprisingly ok with - I just don’t want to be late myself).
I can completely understand how anxious and upset you’d be if someone made you wait so you were late to an event.
