You know the one. The dumb joke you chuckled at that now just comes out unbidden at random times.
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“HELLO GRAHAMOTHY!” “Hello murder boy!” “Oh nooo”
It was from a stream of a group of people playing Among Us with nearby audio. Graham kills two people, gets ejected. Ghosts can hear each other. So they ganged up on him for a bit lol
The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Tap for spoiler
You take away its credit card!
What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Spoiler
Where you left it
“Round of applause for Sean Lock everyone, he had a great carreer with many years in the industry, but then he brought back the Nazis”
Pity he died 😢
Why was the sand wet?
The sea weed.
What do you call a hen that counts her own eggs? A mathemachicken.
Thank you, made me chuckle
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst!
There was an intentionally bad discovery channel commercial with some Mexicans dressed up as meteors entering earths atmosphere and burning up. Deadpan delivering “aaaahhhhh. The atmospheeeeere. Aaahhhhh”
That just pops into my head every so often. Me and my best friend thought it was hilarious back in the 90’s. Cause it was.
One of my old coworkers at a previous job, I forget the exact context, but when he was asked to do something:
“Hey [Name], can you get this done?”
“Can the Pope’s dick fit through a donut?”
“… I don’t know?”
“Exactly 😎 👉 👉”
“What’s brown and sticky?”
“A stick.”
This one’s been doing the rounds in my family for as long as I can remember.
(The original is in swedish, so this is obviously translated)
Let’s see said the blind man to the deaf man
In English, we have something similar:
“‘I see,’ said the blind man to his deaf friend.”
Isn’t the next line usually: “And then he picked up his hammer and saw”
Thr one I’ve always heard is: “I see”, said the blind man with a hammer and saw.
That’s likely incomplete because the relatives I always heard it from…are not paragons of higher education, or scondary, or primary for that matter.
Thanks to xkcd, whenever someone says “blank-ass blank” I mentally move the hyphen over, and depending on the person, if they say “that’s a big-ass ball” I’ll ask them “what’s an ass-ball? And why is it big?”
I do this one too!
Homer Simpson thinking to himself:
“Aww, $20? I wanted a peanut.”
“$20 can buy many peanuts.”
“Explain how.”
“Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
I think at least one part of this exchange to myself almost every time I buy anything.
You might say he’s barking up the wrong bush.
My favorite Homer quote has always been
“Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?”
My wife and I quote this so often!
