I wrote the other day, that I am having problems with loneliness, both as a cause for and as an effect of my depression. You advised me to take small, although concrete, steps - litterally - by going outside and trying to chat with people. Well I did that today.

I went back to where I recently bought my glasses to have them adjusted. My head is just too big. While waiting for the attendant to adjust my glasses, I tried to make small talk. I asked, “how is your day?” We ended up bonding over a certain subject and we became so hyped over this, that I decided to ask if they would like to have a cup of coffee with me someday. We are meeting next Tuesday after work.

I cannot believe that I did this. That another human being said “yes” to meeting me FOR THE SAKE OF TALKING TO ME. I am happy and anxious and nervous.

I just wanted to let you know, that I really appreciate your advice.

  • broja@piefed.socialEnglish
    15·
    6 days ago

    Wow! That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. I hope it goes well when you meet. Congrats on your courage!

  • techt@lemmy.worldEnglish
    12·
    6 days ago

    Great job :) try not to put too much expectation on it, just appreciate it for what it is. I hope you make many other connections in the future!

    • printf("%s", name);@piefed.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      10·
      6 days ago

      Thank you SO much! I really needed to hear this!😭🩵 That is all I want. To talk to this nice person 1v1. A friend of mine says that it is important not to let the other person have any “wrong ideas”. Any thoughts on how to tackle that? Or maybe my friend is making a bigger deal out of it than it is?

      • techt@lemmy.worldEnglish
        7·
        6 days ago

        Yeah! I personally struggled with that a lot with all my relationships because I wanted people to see me a certain way. New people were rare to come by for me so I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to “succeed” or have it go the way I thought I wanted it to, and it made me upset with myself when it didn’t. It’s different for everyone, but I think the best mindset you can have is to be okay with it not working out at all! And that’s just fine, because sometimes the best thing you can do for someone else is leave them be if they aren’t responding. Just meeting a new person once can be satisfying enough on its own if you let it. Being offered someone else’s time really is a gift. If that’s where you ground your expectations, anything else is a pleasant surprise :)

        As for the “wrong ideas” thing, it sounds to me like they’re saying you shouldn’t make the other person think you want a relationship when you don’t, or vice-versa, but maybe that’s getting ahead of things. If we distill that notion to its essence though, we end up at the importance of being a good communicator – can you convey to the other person what you think and how you feel. That take lots of practice. If you ever get into a situation where you think you did or said something wrong or awkward, just say, " Whoops, I’m not the best communicator, still working on it!" and either try again or move on. That kind of show of vulnerability can help make who you’re talking to feel more comfortable.

        Sorry for the wall of text, but I’ll try to leave you with this mental image to help let go of expectations: I think of it like tubing down a river where sometimes you bump into other people doing the same and have a chat. Enjoy it while you’re floating alongside each other, because the current can change unexpectedly or something can pull them away at any time, and trying to predict or change that is like trying to fight the current. It’s impossible and you’ll look really silly trying to. So just go with the flow, man.

  • AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.netEnglish
    3·
    6 days ago

    I didn’t see your original post, but reading this update has really made me smile. As someone who has been in a somewhat similar situation, I’m really proud of you. It’s hard, but it does get easier. Things might not always go as smoothly as it did today, but each interaction is a learning experience. I’m glad that the lesson you learned today is that being open in your interactions with other people can lead to delightful surprises

  • Impractical_Island@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    6 days ago

    I had a similar experience getting my glasses the last time; the person filling out my information and I bonded over talking about poetry! I read your previous post, too. I had a breakdown in college and became scared to go outside and talk to people. Learning to juggle helped me, as it gave me the confidence to be out there and allowed me to give myself exposure therapy. Juggling changed my life, and I highly recommend to everyone facing loneliness that they should invest in an art they enjoy that will allow them to meet people with similar interests. I’m happy you had a positive experience!