When I was 20 I was diagnosed by a psychologist with having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. At first I was in denial about but over time I come to terms with my narcissism and the diagnosis started to make sense to me. A lot of my problems can be traced back to my unrealistic self image and lack of ability to relate with others.
There’s a lot of stigma towards NPD. I hope by making this thread I can help others understand that having NPD doesn’t inherently make you a bad person and NPD hurts the person with it as well.
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Do you work on letting other people have the spotlight or do you always feel the need to be the centre of attention?
I suppose it’s not just letting others have attention but it’s not competing with others for attention. @Misspelledusernme@lemmy.world said something about people with NPD being attracted to the entertainment industry and I can see why. You get the attention you want and your already used to constantly competing for it.
Was there anything your psychologist said that stuck with you, or framed things in a helpful way?
Not really. He was very straight to the point. I only thing that really suck with me is the diagnosis as now I have a piece of paper that makes me look bad if I go to court or if someone does a background check on me
Did your parents over validate you and / or praise you, even when you were in the wrong?Thus promoting narcissm?
Definitely not. The opposite in fact. In my whole childhood my mom praised me like 3 times
Interesting. So attention seeking behaviour is possible to gain what you missed from your family?
I guess it’s all overcompensation. Everyone thought when I was a kid that I was slow, lazy, under achieving, ect…ect… So I just overcompensated in my head.
Did your Slow, Lazy, Underachieving get diagnosed as ADHD, or was it parental over expectations?
Yes I did. It wasn’t just my parents I got bullied a lot by other kids and my siblings and I didn’t do that well in school either.
Has being diagnosed helped you?
If you don’t mind sharing, what lead to the diagnosis?
For a small background: psychologists who have worked with my stepdaughter have expressed that her bio-dad (my wife’s ex-husband) has displayed some traits that could indicate NPD, but of course he would have to be formally evaluated for a diagnosis and that’s difficult to get someone with the disorder to do. The last time they were in court the judge was flabbergasted by his behavior and during the judgment expressed that he was close to ordering a mental evaluation, which I think is the only way we would ever know for sure. It’s pretty obvious that if he has the disorder then it has caused many negative impacts for him, but it is also hard to feel any sympathy towards him when I see how much harm he has done to two of the people I care about the most. It might be hard to accept if he ever was diagnosed and some treatment actually helped to counter the destructive behaviors simply because of how much damage was already done.
“Has being diagnosed helped you?”
Yes, definitely. It gives me a lot more insight into myself and I now understand myself better.
“If you don’t mind sharing, what lead to the diagnosis?”
Good question. That’s for the therapist to decide. With that said it’s never just one thing. It could have been a whole series of factors that let to the diagnosis. If I meet that psychologist again I’ll ask him.
“For a small background: psychologists who have worked with my stepdaughter have expressed that her bio-dad (my wife’s ex-husband) has displayed some traits that could indicate NPD, but of course he would have to be formally evaluated for a diagnosis and that’s difficult to get someone with the disorder to do. The last time they were in court the judge was flabbergasted by his behavior and during the judgment expressed that he was close to ordering a mental evaluation, which I think is the only way we would ever know for sure. It’s pretty obvious that if he has the disorder then it has caused many negative impacts for him, but it is also hard to feel any sympathy towards him when I see how much harm he has done to two of the people I care about the most. It might be hard to accept if he ever was diagnosed and some treatment actually helped to counter the destructive behaviors simply because of how much damage was already done.”
What an awful story. It goes without saying that not everyone with NPD is like that. If you don’t mind me asking why was he in court?
Good question. That’s for the therapist to decide. With that said it’s never just one thing. It could have been a whole series of factors that let to the diagnosis. If I meet that psychologist again I’ll ask him.
I was really more just curious what lead you to see a psychologist in the first place. My understanding is that’s rare for people with the condition. With the diagnosis helping you, it’s almost like you had a lucky break to be seeing a professional that most people with NPD don’t get.
If you don’t mind me asking why was he in court?
I probably can’t go too much into specifics, but that last time was primarily because he’d stopped paying child support. He was also trying to change the visitation agreement to be larger chunks but less frequent. He hadn’t been making use of the time he already had, though, so that wasn’t going to happen, and the judge actually reduced it while requiring all visitation to be in a public place or using the court’s supervised visitation program.
If he does have NPD, there might be other factors in play as well. Odds are we’ll never really know what’s going on there. We just have to try to make sure whatever happens, things stay as healthy as possible for the kiddo.
“I was really more just curious what lead you to see a psychologist in the first place. My understanding is that’s rare for people with the condition. With the diagnosis helping you, it’s almost like you had a lucky break to be seeing a professional that most people with NPD don’t get.”
I saw a psychologist cuz I was having suicidal thoughts. And it’s true that it’s that people with NPD to don’t get help often. I mean I stopped seeing him after awhile. It’s hard to admit your wrong or need help with NPD so it’s not often NPD havers will go to therapy as that’s what therapy is.
That guy seems f#cked. It goes without saying that not everyone who has NPD is like that. There are plenty of good/normal people who have NPD but they just don’t make the news.
Thanks for making this AMA, I not too knowledgeable in this area so please forgive me if I am insensitive in asking this:
What kind of strategies do you employ to fulfil your need for attention, without acting rudely to others?
It’s no problem. There’s a lot of things I do/did for attention. When I was younger I used to take the wildest drugs I could get my hands on and brag to my classmates. I use social media a lot and I’ve got some friends that I use. Nightclubs and bars are good. There’s always a lot of attention to get from there.
Ever since I was a teen I’ve found my self being very promiscuous. It’s the best way to get attention from others.
How does your lack of ability to connect manifest?
Do you feel connected to characters in books or movies/do their hardships affect you?
Are you doing any kind of exercises to change patterns around thinking/relating?
How do you feel NPD hurts you?
Last one, don’t answer if you don’t want, but what caused you to seek out professional help?
“How does your lack of ability to connect manifest?”
Very superficial and short term relationships. It can be very isolating at times. I can connect to others but only if there really close to me.
“Do you feel connected to characters in books or movies/do their hardships affect you?”
They don’t. There just made up.
“Are you doing any kind of exercises to change patterns around thinking/relating?”
Sometimes I think about others like there me. I know that sounds odd but helps me understand them. I try not to make everything about my self. I listen to others.
“How do you feel NPD hurts you?”
Yes, that’s what I’m trying to get across in this thread. NPD is like a drug there’s highs and lows. Sometimes when something good happens I just have this feeling that I deserve it. That I’m worthy but with that there’s come downs. Sometimes things don’t go to plan and makes me mad because how can I be wrong? It’s hard to accept there’s something wrong with you because you put yourself up on a pedestal and every mistake feels like your cracks are showing. You think that everyone else is as interested in you as you are.
“Last one, don’t answer if you don’t want, but what caused you to seek out professional help?”
I was having suicidal thoughts. I stopped seeing the psychologist cuz I lost interest.
Joke question: jeez man, why you gotta make the post all about you?
Serious question: have you engaged in narcissistic abuse of anyone?
What even is “narcissistic” abuse? How is it any different then regular abuse?
It’s about methodology and motivation, really.
Narcissistic abusers tend to things like gaslighting more than insults, or pushing the victim’s buttons to make them seem unstable to get sympathy/attention. It tends to be about manipulation over direct abuse, though there is direct abuse sometimes.
An example would be a parent that constantly criticizes their child indirectly, by comparing them to “bad” kids, and then saying how good their child has it because some parents wouldn’t put up with whatever imagined flaw is present.
Not that a narcissistic abuser never does direct abuse, they can and do. It’s just that they tend to worry about appearances, so they reserve it for limited use. Like, the kid that makes a mistake in public and then gets beat at home because they made the parent look bad.
Ok I understand. No I haven’t
Thanks for being open about it! How does it manifest? What’s your experience interacting with other people?
No problem. I’m obsessed with how others look at me and I need constant validation and attention. I’m very driven by short term pleasure. I care more about the immediate validation and attention from others then long term relationships.
I found it hard to relate to others. Everyone else is like a secondary character or a NPC. I know this may sound bad but I found it hard to care about other people. I love my family and friends but it’s hard to give anyone else attention.
Why?
I think they’re making a jokey dig at their parent, who I assume also has NPD.
I see this thing a lot. People think that anyone they don’t like has NPD. I wonder how they would feel if a loved one told them they had NPD?
This is a great observation. I find it absolutely amazing how many spouses of my friends spontaneously develop NPD as soon as they separate.
It’s almost like…. there’s no disorder, it’s just anger at an ex partner, but using sciencey words is supposed to bolster their case.
This happens all the time these days. You don’t feel empathy your an "empath"🙄, your mom didn’t tell you to go to sleep on a school night she “verbally abuse” you and “triggered your trauma”, you have an interest in something more then your average person does? now you’ve a “hyperfectation” ect… ect…
It’s weird how “mental health awareness” MFers will completely change the record when it comes to cluster B personality disorders or the none hacking wholesome big chungus mental illness’s like pychopathy, BPD and schizophrenia. Nowadays, “schizophrenia” just means weird or doing something differently and “autism” just means the same thing.
How does it feel to admit fault or to apologize?
It’s like admitting defeat. I don’t remember the last time I said “sorry” to someone tho.
If you want to practice with me, you can apologize for using Reddit if you have before.
I apologize for using windows in the past :P
Why would I apologize for using Reddit? Or windows?
They’re proprietary and less user friendly.
Shouldn’t windows or Reddit be sorry for that?
They would be if enough of their userbase switches to foss alternatives.
Lol
As an exercise.
What?
You would apologize for using Reddit, as an exercise in attempting an apology. Just to see if you can even do that. Everyone knows Reddit is not your fault. That’s not the point.
I can do it it’s just hard to do.
Shut up, god I had second hand embarrassment from that
Does this look like group?
From what?
The guy comment about being “ashamed for using windows and reddit”
K
What’s your relationship with social media like? Active selfie-poster?
I use it a lot. I love when people interact with my posts or just comment. I can’t get enough of it although that can be said for most people these days.
What do you do for a living? How does NPD impact your work? Is it beneficial or detrimental? I imagine there are careers that would be particularly suited for someone with NPD.
I’m a cook at burger king. I don’t see how NPD would affect that. It’s way more detrimental then beneficial as all the benefits are imagined. I don’t know if any careers suited for someone with NPD.
I’d have guessed you might have been attracted to a job on-stage. Actor/musician/…
I can see where your coming from. Who wouldn’t want to be famous?
Me. I hate being in the spotlight. My own wedding made me very uncomfortable because I was the centre of attention, one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life
Why? What’s wrong with having attention?
Some of us find attention irritating. I like to be left alone. People and dogs sre very demanding and I spend that energy on myself. Maybe you don’t see that the attention goes both ways for most of us. I don’t have the energy for the demands of others. Sounds very narcissistic actually.
It makes me uncomfortable
Have you had relationships? How do they go?
Yes I have. When I was 14-15 I Dated a guy for a few months. It got old quickly. We stopped caring about each after a few months. When I was 19 I dated a guy for a few months but again I lost interest after a few months. It’s hard for me to have a long term relationship with anyone. I get jealous easily and I can be very one sided. I’ve got my eyes set on someone at the moment. I’m going to see a therapist soon. I know I can love I just have problems. I need to learn to empathize with others and be more dedicated.
That thing you practice “imagining other people as you” thats empathy. Putting your mind in thier point of view and perceiving their perspective lets you understand what they are going through. Everyone has problems, when you find somone with the patience to learn how to love you the way you need, learn to love them the way they need to be loved. Its not NPD to love yourself.
I never said it was. I guess it’s a part of other peoples nature. I can like other people but emphasizing with others just doesn’t come naturally to me.
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Thanks
