WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Confirming the suspicions of many in the international community, on Monday Donald J. Trump revealed that intelligence played “no role” in his decision to go to war with Iran.
“People keep asking me about intelligence,” he told reporters on Air Force One. “I made this call with no intelligence whatsoever.”
“Quite frankly, every decision I’ve ever made in my life I’ve made without intelligence,” he boasted. “Intelligence is for losers.”
Trump added that “I don’t trust people who have intelligence, which is why I love Pete.”
They got me on this one. I fully expected him to have said something like: “Intelligence had no part in this. It’s just common sense, it’s what we need to do. No thinking required.”
We all knew that.
Basically the news of tomorrow
“I made this call with no intelligence whatsoever.”
The Trump quote that explains everything he’s ever done.
“There is a time to think, and a time to act. And this, gentlemen, is no time to think!” - John Candy, Canadian Bacon
I definitely ate the onion. It’s exactly something he would say to boost his ego and also think it boosts his image. Which sadly would boost his image to the majority of Americans.
I’d go so far as to say it’s played no role in every decision he’s ever made
