Axe with increased crit range (both sides)
Flaming sword (no off switch; do not keep near oil, pa}er, etc.
Cube of instant castle: Say the keyword ‘open’ to transform this cube into a '200x’200 castle. The transformation happens instantly, and if you’re caught in the area of effect, be prepared to get smashed. The cube is hard of hearing.
I’ll use a sending stone like a garage door opener as I’m pulling up in the carriage
‘the cube is hard of hearing’ oh that’s just evil lmao
Oh. I thought it a was the other way I thought the point was that if the player whispers, the cube can’t hear. But I think what you are imagining is that the cube might hear “open” when something else was said
I thought it was that you can’t just shout from afar because it can’t hear you, so there’s not really any options other than to sacrifice someone every time you want to use it.
So many options!
Excellent weapon then
The merchant says: “thanks for purchasing that cube, if you need something else we are open all day every day”
The party is now dead
a skill scroll but the skill is related to an unknown knowledge of FORTRAN. Those who have used similar scrolls in the past have lost their sanity mumbling about “transitive arrays” to an early grave. many scholars believe the scrolls to be a form of dark magic and a form of punishment against man and his hubris.
a tome of summoning but it can only summon fictitious characters from textbooks. characters like the ones portrayed in math books and the like. you can use them an unlimited amount of times but they remember everything each time they come back. it’s a bad idea to summon them as fodder as they will eventually kill you out of desperation.
an amulet of perception, it really doesn’t do anything but turn you into a conceited astrology hipster that always gives their opinion on how you need to “open your chakra” and constantly attempts to strike up sexual awakenings with the general public. it has a hidden trait that enrages anyone that’s heavily spiritual or holy, temporarily turning them to evil.
Wand of wishes. It’s great, but it will respond to any speaker in the vicinity
Wand of wishes, but gives you what you actually want right now.
Yeah, you need a bridge, but you’re fatigued, so on some level what you really want is a hot bath and a warm bed; maybe some soup.
Worst thing ever, don’t even want it. Would ruin my life
Leaky alchemy jug.
Whenever you use this jug roll a d100. This is how many percent of your choosen liquid are replaced by mayonnaise.Scroll of Gorilla Warfare. When used summons 15 gorillas. These gorillas are wild and do not obey orders given by the caster.
Amulet of speak with the dead - cursed. Once attuned the user can speak with the dead, but can only interpret chat with the living as wailing, any attempts to speak with the living will sound like wailing to the other entity. Removing the item does not break the curse.
Ring of invisibility. Makes you invisible, but makes everyone else invisible to you as well.
But people can see your footsteps cartoon style
If light travels through you then you would not leave a shadow.
Does glass leave a shadow?
Invisibility implies you are more transparent than glass…
It’s magic. It can make your footsteps visible.
It adjusts the depth map where you walk to appear as though something footprint-shaoed has sunk into the floor, as if in thick mud. Regardless of the surface - stone? still looks like someone sank into it a bit. When they run their hand over it, the floor is actually smooth as if nothing had happened, but the depth map makes it look like it.
Or makes you smell horrible. Yes I just stole this from ‘cruelty squad’.
Ring of (Logical) Invisibility v2. Makes you invisible except for your eye balls so that they can absorb light. You may now see but you appear as a pair of floating eyeballs.
Like in Quake multiplayer… damn that was fun.
V3, your eyeballs are only visible when your eyes are open.
An additional note here. With no visible eyelids, and nothing visible to protect the back of the eye, bright lights would be extremely painful.
So either double blinding effects of light based attacks, or halve the saves vs the same.
Ring of minor invisibility - The ring is invisible, and only makes your body invisible, not any of your stuff
To see something, you need your retina to absorb light, and that makes it visible. Alternative version is ring of invisibility that makes all of you invisible except for eyes.
Sword of charisma: But it attracts bugs for some reason.
Amulet of protection: Stops heals too.
Boots of speed: Brakes not included.
Wand of light: Slightly radioactive.
Potion of restoration: Removes buffs as well, kills undead.
There was an older barbarian subclass that was immune to magic including beneficial magic. It was dumb and wonderful
Lol, is that from AD&D 1e?
Potion of Water Breathing: DOES NOT RETAIN AIR BREATHING
“Wizards with Guns” did a couple of sketches based on this concept.
A potion of True Healing… heals 1d8+2 damage, recipient MUST truthfully answer the next question they are asked. Sell the characters 6, but don’t tell them about the truth serum. Let them figure it out on their own.
Boots of Elvenkind… except Elves can hear you.
A bag of holding that contains infinite clowns. Every time it is opened, 1d4 clowns come out. The clowns are useless in combat and attempt to distract, annoy and mock the holder. While this could be used as a distraction, the clowns will follow the holder, drawing attention to them. You could create a table for what kind of clowns you get (mime clowns, pie throwing clowns, balloon animal clowns, magician clowns, etc). The clowns will wander off after 1d6 minutes. Where the clowns go and what they are (Illusions? Demons?) is unknown.
There’s so much role playing potential in the ability to create a giant mob of clowns at will by repeatedly opening and closing the bag. You almost don’t need anything else!
Spawn them as a distraction!
Use them to hide!
Plug any entry or hallway at will!
Build yourself a mountain of clowns to scale any wall!
Never starve again with their endless supply of pies! (Eaten fresh off your face.)
Use their weight to bring down any air-/ship!
Air drop them on your enemies! (Assuming they have a weight and are bound by gravity, they do damage - all you need is a bit of levitation, a tower, airship or a ceiling to hang from.)
Just crush your entire party by spawning hundreds of them in a closed room!
The possibilities are truly endless.
Just crush your entire party by spawnibg hundreds of them in a closed room!
Relevant (semi-NSFL) scene from Invincible season 3.
Never starve again with their endless supply of pies!
Probably bad that without the parentheses, I was already assuming this was some kind of horrific Sweeny Todd situation.
No, but the pies are a bit off, so they always give you the runs.
That’s just practical thinking right here! Someone else argued for shaving cream pies, which naturally leads to the counterpoint of cannibalism.
As a diabolical GM, I can think of so many ways to make these strategies backfire. :D
That’s half the fun! Sometimes, the true clown you spawn is yourself.
Sell the bag to a lich to keep him from robbing graves, collect big $$$ for the unique magic item, and the bounty from the town
I can’t see any of these working as intended. Clowns don’t subscribe to reality
Spawn them as a distraction!
Some of them cause a big distraction that accidentally points directly towards those you don’t want to be seen.
Use them to hide!
One of them will look giant and big to hide you while the others honk and gesture/point behind, clearly showing where you are.
Build yourself a mountain of clowns to scale any wall!
Crabs in a bucket. None will let you climb. You must stay to hear their jokes…
Never starve again with their endless supply of pies!
Shaving cream pies. Ain’t nobody got time to bake 30 coconut creams
Use their weight to bring down any air-/ship
They all blow up helium balloons to help it float. Unless you want it to float in which case their balloons turn into bowling balls at the last second with a big shrug.
Air drop them on their enemies!
See balloons
Just crush your entire party by spawning hundreds of them in a closed room!
Clown car logic. You’re all “crushed” but it’s just extremely difficult terrain.
Exactly this. Also, one of the clowns will have a trombone to play sad trombone noises at you.
Luckily, most of these arguments assume living clowns. Something that can be easily remedied, it just shifts the entire problem space to doing it fast enough!
On that note, what’s their EXP value?
If my PCs responded to the clowns this way, I would absolutely make the clowns demons and the “bag of holding” a portal to a circus themed layer of the Abyss. And that’s the campaign now.
It turns out the ruler of this layer of the abyss appreciates your lust for violence and mass murder. That’s probably not actually… good? For you?
I don’t know about you, but the prospect of becoming a warlock themed around blood, flesh and clownery sounds pretty sweet to me!
I’d definitely play that campaign.
I would definitely let you play that in my campaign. Also reminds me of that bad guy from One Piece.
Immortal Clowns of Jest. Zero XP and their death only fuels development of further abilities
They just despawn and it’s 1/10^(78) xp per clown.
A fraction of 1 EP for each atom in the universe.
Bag of holding with a preexisting hoarding problem
Can’t-trip - only works when you don’t want it to
Book of spells, but you have to spell out letter by letter each time you cast
Wand of Premature Eruption: Launches a fireball that detonates immediately
I have two I will be using in my next campaign:
Ring of attunement: Provides 1 extra attunement slot. (Requires attunement)
Event Staff: This staff allows the wielder to gain unquestioned entry into any “employees only” areas or zones otherwise off-limits to the public. Anyone (including actual staff or other officials) who sees the wielder in one of these areas will assume they are a known employee or other official who is granted special access to the area. Unfortunately, they will all also view the wielder as the least competent and least trustworthy employee or official with the organization. Any actions taken in the area are likely to be closely watched and highly scrutinized by any observer who would know better.
ETA: One from the current campaign in which I am a player character. Our DM thought of this one:
Bullet of Healing:
This magical bullet can be loaded into any firearm. Whomever is shot by this bullet first receives 1d6 piercing damage followed by 1d10 healing. If the initial damage causes recipient’s HP to fall below 0 before the bullet’s healing effects begin, they will fall unconscious and will not gain any healing effect from the bullet. Instead, one death save is automatically passed.
Riffing off the ring:
The Hand of Holding. When held, it can hold items for you and allow to use them with whatever ability you would normally have. Technically helpful in slightly extending your reach, and depending on the niceness of the GM may also mitigate curses or other effects that are triggered by holding the item, since you technically aren’t. You are still essentially wielding, using, and various other verbs-ing the item, so those still hamper you.
Haha I like it
I’m actually running an old west horror / conspiracies game I wouldn’t have thought of if you hadn’t shared that magic bullet. I have my players organized and everything. I adapted the healing bullet you described. I wanted to share these magic bullets I created for it (GURPS rules).
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O5G-D_WOAMRNq1f3Ev2Ytz4HxTYQXS7SaPlzgIJVZYk/edit?usp=sharing
damn haha 8 pages of different bullets! That’s pretty awesome, thanks for sharing
That bullet of healing is awesome. Would be great for a supernatural Wild West game. Which, is I think what I want to run next now.
The Ring of Attunement idea has come up before, and if I remember correctly there’s a class (Artificer?) that gets a bonus based on how many items they have attuned, making it a genuinely useful item in niche cases.
I played a campaign where we had a dagger of healing. It worked great against undead (as intended by the DM) and also to torture information out of people (not intended by DM).
