Like the guy is unironically a treasonous criminal con-man so obviously under Russia’s (or more specifically Putin’s) influence it’s laughable.

All of that may be true, but it’s easily overlooked by his voters because they hate immigrants so very VERY much.

“That’s what he gets for removing the recipe for Acapulco Gold from the replicator!”

“You have much pain… share it with me.”

“I teleported home one night, With Ron and Sid and Meg. Ron stole Meggie’s heart away, And I got Sidney’s leg.” - The Teleportation Blues

“You encounter a grandma. Roll for gelt.”

Tonight we dice in hell.

Nice! I’m going to have a look at my old HS yearbook and see who’s opposite page…

“Future Farmers of America”

“It’s the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that’s not important right now.”

Hold my 401k, I’m goin’ in!

“Replicator, give me a slice of mushroom pizza.”

“Hot or cold.”

“Hot.”

“Space-warping travel mushrooms or the ones that grow on old logs.”

“Uh, the log ones I guess.”

“Coward.”

“You want me to play a robot? But I want to show off my acting range!”

“Don’t worry, you’ll also get to play two other robots and a couple of old guys!”

“Aaass yoooou–” *squish*

cries in broadcom wireless card not supported

*dabs corners of mouth with a cloth napkin*

*erupt like Vesuvius*

barbarians

blahbarians

“You already reversed the polarity? All right, but did you really? Let’s do it one more time while we’re on the phone together… oh, it’s working now? Yeah, that is weird, goodbye.”

“Paige, yes!”