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Cake day: June 16th, 2023

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  • For any Americans capable of voting who aren’t planning on voting, fuck you. Exercise your rights. In fact, exercise in general; a good benchmark to aim for is the ability to outrun cops. The future of monocultured, homogenous, morbidly obese, microplastic and PFAS leachate-laden Judases who filed in to toe the line for the ruling class and shun their brethren will be all that’s left on earth after the richest cretins rape the planet for its last naturally occurring resources and pile into the most market-tested, fool-proof space vehicles manufactured by literally the singular winner of capitalism. Capitalism, the golden child of pyramid schemes. Those bovine-shaped humans left on earth crawling on all fours ruminating highly processed refuse will still be muttering out loud to themselves how it was all worth it. “At least I won’t accidentally befriend a trans person” because it will have been years ago that they were banned and disappeared magically. Heart disease continues to run rampant on this future Earth, however. And there’s of course the carbon dioxide problem. Somewhat bittersweetly for the Bovine sapiens species, the last remaining vestiges of oxygen-starved brain activity need only worry about one thing: sniffing for morsels through heaps of plastic waste.