I said that monogamy can hide issues, and that people are totally able to be emotionally intelligent and secure while preferring to be monogamous. You’re not so good at this “reading” thing, are ya?

And ya know what, we’ve seen plenty of examples of people being pretty shitty, on purpose or not, and could really use people getting better. There are a LOT of people who support Donald Trump, are we going to argue that sheer numbers makes them correct?

So, yea, we do have a lot to fix. Sticking our heads in the sand and pretending nothing is wrong isn’t a solution, you coward.

I’m countering your anecdotal evidence with my own, and between us I’m not the one trying to limit people to one or the other.

You got some shit to work through that we won’t fix today but I hope you get to it eventually, genuinely.

You’re really dodging my entire point here. You’re trying to use generic, anecdotal “evidence” to tell individuals that they shouldn’t expect something and should just do it your way.

And I’ve seen plenty of my actual friends go into them being clear about it from the start, communicating fully, and everyone party to it also knowing that a relationship ending naturally is not “falling apart”.

Yes, monogamy is simple and doesn’t require near the same levels of trust and communication(though it fuckin’ should). As a general statement we’re all pretty emotionally stunted and people trying something like that out without the skills to pay the bills are going to have a bad time. On an individual level there are absolutely people who can, and do, handle it really well. All the people I know who participate in open relationships are very emotionally intelligent, honest, and understanding people so it’s no small wonder that they can hack it where others struggle.

No one is asking you to be in an open relationship and it’s totally valid to not want to be in one. You can be all those nice things I mentioned and still prefer monogamy, too.

That’s what you took from that? Ok, bud.

And yet I’ve seen plenty of successful ones. Not everyone’s needs and desires align and you’re just going to have to get ovee that. You’re also whining about being pressured while actively trying to imply that people who want an open relationship should shut up and stick with monogamy. We call that “being a hypocrit”.

But I doubt you give a shit.

Yikes.

“No you”

Just stop.

Nobody said “all men”, you’re making shit up. I’d say talk to a woman but, uh, maybe leave them be they have enough problems without doing all the emotional labour of making you feel special.

You’re a defensive lil’ baby who clearly doesn’t want to even begin to try understanding what’s going on. This isn’t about you, man-child. Dealing with you on the daily must be fucking insufferable and sharing a gender/sex with you is an embarrassment.

You offerer a hypothetical, I continued it.

I was in one, it was open, and while the openess was never really explored it was not at all a component in the ending of said relationship. In fact, I enjoyed that we could trust each other and have conversations with nuance about the topic.

The lady I’m crushin’ on right now has had to move away for going back to school so we’re keeping it friends until she comes back in the summer and even then it’ll need to be casual since she’s gotta go back after. In this case I’m not concerned with what is her business and she’s not concerned with what is my business, we just like each other and that’s that.

Regardless, I don’t need to be actively in a relationship to call out your nonsense and you’re dodging the question. C’mon, bud, do better.

I literally said it was an intense example. If that’s what you took from my comment then good fucking lord…

You’re being a shitty person right now, I hope one day you can gather the strength to acknowledge it and do better.

My mom is far too forgiving and it absolutely messed me up a little. But I’m also not a fucking dumbass on autopilot so I acknowledged shortcomings and fixed them. Their fathers also allowed that behaviour to happen, and it’s not even unlikely that they stopped the mothers “being so hard on them” if they stepped in in the way you’re asking for. The mothers had to put up with shit and have borderline to actuall PTSD and are too protecting themselves to go after the very behaviour they’re trying to avoid needing to deal with.

No, the moms are not to blame.

It’s insane. They get absolutely bent the fuck out of shape when women don’t immediately trust them to go into dark alleys with them and when a woman just says explicitly, off the top, what she wants and it doesn’t line up with their desires they go feral telling her unreasonable she’s being.

They talk such big shit about being generalized and then in turn refuse to accept a woman’s individual choices and preferences. They don’t even stop to understand that women cannot read minds to know who’s safe or not, and frankly just in that they kinda show exactly why they might be having trouble.

—

“I’d just like some basic emotional maturity.”

“Ok so this one time a woman was mean to me so real quick I’m gunna weaponize that and tell you that it gives me permission to be a big fucking baby.”

Congratulations on landing yourself in a good place. I won’t even try to tell you that you may simply not notice them putting up with shit.

That’s not everyone’s experience, and you’re not being helpful or compassionate with that comment. The opposite, even. You aren’t the victim here, bro, sit down.

As long as the woman is clear about it then your guy friends chasing that which cannot be caught is on them. Love is not a transaction and even if it was women have every right not to do business with people they don’t want to do business with.

In your example if your SO wanted an open relationship and you didn’t then that is when you say “if this is a deal breaker for both of us then we had a good run but I’m sorry.” It sucks, sure, but if you turn around and tell her that she can’t do what feels right to her then all you’re doing is using the relationship to pressure her into monogamy. It doesn’t fucking matter how popular or rare an idea is because you and your SO are individuals and have your own, individual needs. I mean christ, in your example you’re mad because a minority of women are supportive of her choice and that somehow makes it wrong? Do you hear yourself?

Women know that it isn’t every man, you’re not being helpful here. Women tell us all the time that they don’t feel safe and can back it up with so many examples of people that come off as good right until they’re putting her body in separate garbage bags. For a less intense version of that they come around to trust people and even accidentally the man ends up defensive and trying to make excuses for poor behaviour(s).

They deal with this shit all the fucking time and you complaining like you’re the victim in a post about their struggles is exactly what they’re fucking talking about.

Incel alert

They also forget that there are things not required when it comes to doing things as a hobby; it’s not just doing the hobby more and getting paid.

Like, I do all the work on my own car, help my friends with stuff so they can save money, and enjoy modifications(when I can afford them which is basically never). People say “oh maybe you should have been/should try out being a mechanic. Yea, and now I gotta deal with the 99.9% of drivers who are painfully ignorant about the thing they spent tens of thousands of dollars on, do endless and boring oil and brake changes, and when I have an interesting job I gotta do it quick enough to not destroy my entire reputation or lose money on the quoted time. And then there’s all the paperwork!

No thanks, I’ll stick to my own driveway and taking teaching my friends new skills as payment.

Weird conservatives have never been know to understand things like “longterm effects” or “treating what they have with any respect”.

They like buying trucks, guns, and knives. They like showing those things off. Like the “rustic charm” in the memes that are really just about how anti-social they are. They like wearing red and black flannel, camo hats, and acting like they could totally live off the land just because their entire idea of nature is about who’s more violent.

The people who can name the birds and trees, who gather responsibly, and just like to go for a nice canoe aren’t usually too conservative. Obviously it happens but that requires a level effort and stewardship for the land that’s often incompatible with the personality required to grasp onto conservatism.

Calum is using a work machine for personal actuvities, though. A little Youtube never hurt anyone but straight-up watching porn “between enquiries”, which sounds like during work hours or something, is kinda not on.

Work shouldn’t distrust employees this much and these measures never lead to increased productivity but Calum is also a complete fucking idiot.

To put details to other person’s point: Even if you lived pretty close, for a lot of things, the gas cost would probably offset a lot of the savings. For big things for sure it would make some sense but for other things it just wouldn’t make any sense. You’d have to live right on the border and have a town with stores that carry whatever you’re buying also be pretty close.