Thank you <3

To play devil’s advocate, is it possible that your hair just got caught on something and the guy behind you had nothing to do with it? Mine’s not even very long and it gets caught on my sweater all the time.

You’re right, and thanks, although one label was a lot easier for me to accept than the other!

(This all happened several months ago, btw)

Turns out I was a tamagotchi all along.

One of the things I’ve been hoping for with HRT (apart from boobs and so on) is more emotional depth. I have a not entirely undeserved reputation as an emotional black hole. I was going to complain about not seeing any of that this week, until I realized that I’ve been crying over random things all weekend that would ordinarily have me annoyed and looking for a drink. It’s weird how much better I feel after, kind of like a cheat code.

A trans woman I’ve been following on Youtube recently posted a rant about the trans community, and she seems to have internalized a lot of right-wing transphobic talking points. That saddens me, because I’ve only just started unpacking all of my internalized transphobia and misogyny (and I thought I was an ally!) and I realize it’s been causing me a lot of self-loathing.

Oh, and dialing in my dose after switching to injections sucks. I mean, I can top up with gel if need be, but every time I see man stuff coming back feels like waking up from a really good dream and realizing it was just a fantasy all along. Androgen blockers are available, but kind of a last resort here. Guess I might want to seriously consider orchiectomy^*?

I want a hug :(

^* Autocorrect suggested “hysterectomy” instead, which – I mean – thanks for the affirmation, I guess?

Incidentally, I started voice training a while before my egg cracked: “I’m only here to learn how to voice female NPCs better.”

Unsurprisingly, that was not the reason.

Taking it now! Feminize while you sleep <3

(Sorry to confuse you: “in the pipeline” does usually mean “coming soon”)

ufufufu 😍

Hard to say. I’m way happier and feeling human, but not seeing much in the way of hormone-induced emotionality (doctor seems pretty open to bumping up my dosage tho).

Still got the stare :3

I always used to think that moisturizer was kind of a scam. I’m sorry, and I take it all back.

My skin is turning into tissue paper! (And looking niiice <3) It’s soaking up pretty much anything I can throw at it. Now if I can just grow my hair a bit longer and shed those last 15kg or so…

Oh! Is that what it is?

I’ve been using my “girl voice” all the time now, and while I might be said to present somewhat androgynous, I’m perhaps not obviously trying to appear feminine. BUT, when I talk to people, they (particularly men) have started responding in much softer tones after they hear my voice. I thought they might just be imitating me, but could it be their “talking to women” voice? I hope so :3

This, for real though. You can often tell you’ve made it when people stop treating you specially.

By way of analogy: I live in a non-English-speaking part of the world, and was very self-conscious about my language ability. To begin with, everyone told me “you speak very well” (with an implied “for a foreigner”), but after a lot of practice that finally gave way to a curt “that’s wrong” whenever I slipped up. Now people generally assume I was born here to immigrant parents.

Gender-wise (although I’m nowhere near female-passing yet), I guess things like double-takes in bathrooms, or people being “gentlemanly” are good things to look out for?

Blåhaj is always up for a cuddle.

Oh hello, are you me?

I’ve been watching Elena Darlingg recently, and got a bad case of “wow, she’s amazing. I’m never going to be as much of a woman as her. I’m not really trans anyway…” etc etc.

Mostly I just recognize this as an unhelpful thought pattern and go do something else for a while (and cuddle Blåhaj). Objectively, I know that these are thoughts that cis women have; it’s just imposter syndrome; I should be comparing progress against my past self and so on, but that really doesn’t help much when I’m feeling jealous.

Sometimes I do get euphoria though, and while I can’t call it up on demand, I do try to remember those times and that I’m doing this to feel good!

Starting HRT made a big difference: I’m in the pipeline now and just sitting around is still working towards my goal. I hope your therapist will get you sorted soon.

<3

You’ve met me, then :3

I just switched. It’s so nice cutting out the application and drying time twice a day. I was expecting the oily depot injection to be painful, but it wasn’t at all. Not sure what fluctuating hormone levels is going to be like, but at least I have gel as a backup.

My doctor doesn’t offer self injections, but I’d like to start at some point, especially once we’ve got the dose figured out.

Thank you <3

Joined in club activities that I haven’t been to in a few months. Not out there, but also not hiding anything. Got a lot of “I thought some new girl had joined at first, but it was only you!” comments :3 (This is a 95% male club, so I guess they noticed something!)

I’m taking that as a win. I wonder what they’ll say this time next year?

That must have felt great; I’m so happy for you <3

Hehe. I’d figured out that not every guy wanted to be a girl pretty early – that’s probably one of the reasons I was repressing so hard. But when I found out that actual trans people didn’t always know, and you could just… be trans if you wanted, that broke my brain :3