Fabric softener is a scam. It just coats your clothes in plastic. It will lead to rougher clothes over time.
Your likely over drying your clothes and causing them to be harder and coarser than they need to. Your then compensating with fabric softener.
Too long in the dryer and they cook. Think of dryered flowers, they go brittle and scratchy when they’ve been dried. When those same flowers are fresh their petals are soft.