Rod of animal control: it only works on dogs and it only makes them follow you and perform basic actions like sit and give paw.

On closer inspection it’s just a chew treat

It will be eaten if the dog gets a hold of it

All the school meals they take away from children they will ship to Moscow.

The candy, freshly snatched from a baby’s hand, will be sent direct to the Kremlin.

"But what if we try to stop destroying the planet and someone else keeps making more profits by continuing to do so?! How is that fair on our shareholders?

How are we supposed to keep increasing our revenue under those conditions? I don’t think you are thinking about what’s really important here"

Yeah, but those missiles in the ocean were THREATENING people who have MONEY. The Palestinian children don’t have any money.

So I’m sure you can see the conundrum here for world leaders

(/s. Just in case, hard to know these days)

Ah yeah, it’s always after I pop a Nytol that I start getting fascist thoughts and feel compelled to broadcast them to the world.

But you know, at least the sheriff’s office has his back. I know my employer wouldn’t tolerate me posting messages about using my job to selectively target our customers based on their political leanings. Which is good for him I suppose.

Imagine talking about great RPG companions and not mentioning Knights of the Old Republic

Boo hoo! My property empire of hundreds of thousands will cost me a bit more! How can I be expected to live like this! Wah wah wah!

We just keep having the largest most destructive storms and floods in years, and some people still claim this is totally normal and nothing we can do about it.

And those people are massive cunts

So they can use it to help in maintaining their required high level of fitness?

Then they stop, or make it difficult for felons to vote.

Because they dont want any poor people deciding who’s in charge.

Am I the only person who saw that dragon fight trailer or something?

The build up promised a cinematic confrontation of soldiers being thrown around and powerful siege engines to the backdrop of a ruined tower in some rolling hillside. Then it cut to a huge, grey, flat nowhere location where the player and two uninteresting specks of companion characters repeatedly hit it with christmas tree lights until it had a stoke and died.

I think if he’s blasted then maybe he will think twice before doing it again

Goodbye

C

K

A subscription to being alive