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A man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Oh, haha, I can see that I sort of phrased that badly. What I meant was that I fucked my sister’s brains out on that air mattress, and that we’re now married. Nothing weird, lol.

Nope, this is my genuine, unfiltered, dogshit opinion. I genuinely believe execution is the correct option when someone has a slight difference in preference compared to me.

BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff…oh yes my dear…sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff…quite pungent indeed…is that…dare I say…sssssssnniff…eggs I smell?..sniff sniff…hmmm…yes…quite so my darling…sniff…quite pungent eggs yes very much so …ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff…ah yes…and also…a hint of…sniff…cheese…quite wet my dear…sniff…but of yes…this will do nicely…sniff…please my dear…another if you please…nice a big now… BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF Oh yes…very good!..very sloppy and wet my dear…hmmmmm…is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?..hmmmm…let me…let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling…hmmmmm…hmm…yes…that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear…ah yes…let me guess…curry for dinner?..oh quite right I am…aren’t I?..ok…time for sniff…sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff…hmmm…hhhmmmmm I see…yes…yes indeed as well curry…hmmm…that fragrance is quite noticeable…yes…onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?..hmmmmm…yes quite… BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff……sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear……yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please……ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear……quite exquisite yes……I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

There is no way people genuinely make color coding like this and think it’s a good idea. You gotta be trolling. What sane man assigns “Yes” to red and “No” to green and hits “publish?” Why must we be the makers of our own hell? Release me.

I think people who prefer things other than what I prefer should be round up and shot.

I want to repurpose this as a miniature version of those DJ Hero controllers.

They finally rebuilt him; they had the technology.

The feeling of resting on a slowly deflating air mattress before you pack it up is amazing. I remember one time, my sister (now wife) and I went on a camping trip with an inflatable mattress, and we both just slooowly let it deflate while we laid on it before we packed it up. Good times!

I don’t own an FM radio small enough to shove up my ass, which a phone with FM would solve. I’m sure phone designers will realize their untapped market soon enough.

I’ve been running modified Spotify IPAs and desktop scripts for years to get around paying premium; here’s to hoping that I can still play these audiobooks!

I dunno about you, but THIS Queerie is trying their best to de-Google.

I’m a grown man; I eat the crust.

Friday in my timezone, sorry.

Hell yeah, here’s to hoping for wider adoption. Keep on truckin’.

“Oh god! Our house is living right next to a source of renewable energy! The horrors! People will gawk at the unsightly solar panels!”

Nah man I’m just happy renewable energy is growing. Coat my house in windmills and panels, baby. Turn that shit into a functional aesthetic.

Phones should have FM radio not as an emergency feature, but as a method of banging out the tunes. I wanna jam out at a campsite with no downloaded music and no cell service.

People who say “dead chat” are the dirt beneath my feet. Oh? Really? The chat is dead? Thanks for letting me know! I’m sure this acknowledgment will sprout life back into the chat at once.

Saying “dead chat” is a waste of metaphorical oxygen. You want to revive chat? Bring up how your bathroom has mold, that you got your sister pregnant, send a meme, send ANYTHING but “dead chat.” It does nothing but waste notifications and time.

I know I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but I’ll die on that molehill.

“That’s Bwuh.”

“Huh?”

“No. Wrong.”