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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/peepzfeelz on 2024-03-21 08:44:22.
For a bit of context, this happened 4 years ago and I was heavily abusing drugs, mostly pills but pretty much anything. I hung out with mostly older teenagers with similar “interests”. My extremely close friend was 19 at the time, quite into heroin. I must admit, so was I at this time.
This growingly financially taxing drug habit needed to be funded somehow. Neither of us really owned any valuables, and stealing small items to trade for a bag was inefficiently time consuming. One night, he was driving us around the city and stopped for gas. I’m not even sure how we got to this topic, but I half-seriously told him we should “just” rob the place. He gestured towards the back seat, where I found multiple firearms covered by a blanket.
A few moments later, he was guarding the door whilst I had the gas station clerk held at gunpoint demanding the contents of the register. That was more of an intimidation tactic; I never had the intention of shooting. There was less than we expected, but still a couple hands full of cash big enough to fill a backpack. More than anything either of us had ever laid hands on, at least. Little did we know, while we were feeling like criminal masterminds, the employee pushed some kind of panic button next to the phone. We were surrounded by cop cars before we even left the parking lot.
We got separated at that point. I spent almost a week in police custody. I didn’t really talk to the cops, only my assigned lawyer. Felt like absolute garbage, physically. I still vividly remember the fever, restlessness, shitting my guts out on a metal toilet. But, after that, all the toxic crap was out of my system and my brain worked again. It took a while for the feelings of guilt to set in, but eventually they did, and never quite disappeared. I’m well aware I traumatized people and wrecked multiple lives.
So, we were undeniably very guilty and that’s how we plead. I was charged as a minor and got 2 years in a juvenile detention center. He wasn’t, and got 8 in an actual prison.
So, that’s how I spent age 16 to 18. People were aggressive, loud and unpredictable. I don’t recall getting one good night of sleep there. I witnessed 3 stabbings; nothing major, just arguments resolved with a DIY shiv. I was on the receiving end of one of those; took an altered toothbrush to the stomach because I looked at a guy wrong. There was still some admirable solidarity, but mostly a lot of fights over seemingly nothing. Sometimes I do miss the structure a little; I’m sure I wouldn’t have graduated high school if I hadn’t been locked up. I took and passed my finals at 17 out of sheer boredom. I would be lying if I got released as a changed man; I mostly just gained horrendous insomnia and some minor paranoia issues.
I wasn’t allowed to contact my buddy during my time. I visited him a few days after I got out, though. I’m 20 now, and I still do every other week or so, and we call a lot. He’s not doing well. Tried to kill himself a few months back. I worry about him a lot.
The fact that I could have easily prevented this entire thing from happening gnaws at me, all the time. We both had great potential, in my humble opinion. He wanted to go to business school at some point, while I have had a lifelong passion for writing. Though I guess those ambitions died out a little once I discovered the magic of pharmaceuticals.
I live with my aunt now, she’s old and has no idea about this part of my past. I’ll probably work my dead end fast food job for the rest of my life. At least I’m clean now, besides Xanax and alcohol.
I was raised an atheist, but every day I pray that my friend survives until the end of his sentence.
Welp, that’s the anticlimactic story of the biggest mistake of my life. Definitely what one may consider a “fuck up”. I can’t afford a therapist, so why not resort to Reddit.
TL;DR: used to be a stupid druggie, did something only a stupid druggie would do
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