• frezik@midwest.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      51
      ·
      8 months ago

      I’ll copy and paste a bit I did in reply to a Russiabot for kicking Russia out of the Ukraine.

      We tell Poland “Hulk? Smash.” and they rush across the border and reinforce Ukrainian positions. A US carrier group rolls up and sinks what remains of the Black Sea Fleet before the Admiral can get a second cup of coffee. Marines start landing in Sevastopol and the obligatory McDonalds is setup within 36 hours. F-22s body the Russian air force without even being seen; not because of stealth, but because Russians ain’t got radar no more. The Kerch Strait Bridge isn’t just bombed, but completely taken out from end to end. What remains of Russian ground positions west of Mariupol is full of soldiers who hear rumors that NATO POW camps will give you hot food and a warm blanket, and that’s sounding like a damn good deal by the end of the week.

      • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        25
        ·
        8 months ago

        Also cut off Belarus from any Russian support and let the people there do their thing. Bomb the railway connections between Russia and China, add a blockade between Russia and Iran.

        And instead of just using McDonald’s on the frontline, add some A&Ws and really win some hearts and minds.

            • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              2
              ·
              8 months ago

              Idk, enshittification even came for Five Guys in the end.

              they fucked up 5guys? haven’t been in a while, what happened?

              • DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                2
                ·
                edit-2
                8 months ago

                A basic combo is well over $20 now. If they had the best damn burgers you can get it’d be one thing but the quality of the meat has gone down as well.

                Any real burger joint crushes them on quality and price now, but that’s how enshittification works, right? Build the brand with a good product, then decrease quality and jack up prices.

                All I’m willing to give them is they don’t season their patties, so it’s a relatively good place to go if you’re restricted on sodium or prefer a pure meat flavor but the reality is the best burgers are seasoned. That’s just how flavor works.

          • vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            7
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            8 months ago

            Lets skip the five guys and create the first international In-N-Out. Itd be funny if the Ukrainians get one before the Mexicans or Canadians.

        • frezik@midwest.social
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          9
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          8 months ago

          50/50 chance Russian nukes just plain don’t work.

          No matter if they do or not, beeline direct to Moscow, St Petersburg, Murmansk, and blockade the Kaliningrad exclave. Also, Russian troops elsewhere in the world, such as in Africa, are now big fat targets. NATO has a lot of non-nuclear response options here, and even nominal Russian allies like China won’t lodge a complaint once the nuclear taboo is broken.

    • Tar_Alcaran@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      43
      ·
      edit-2
      8 months ago

      I suggest a slight modification on the Prigozhin plan.

      Step 1: Hop on whatever vehicle you can find

      Step 2: Casually drive to Moscow

      Step 3 (Modified): Do NOT take Putin’s bribe.

      Step 4: Make sure you don’t have to carry too much ammo back

      Step 5: We did it!

    • Diplomjodler@feddit.de
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      32
      ·
      edit-2
      8 months ago

      Day one: Russian air force gets taken out by NATO air strikes.

      Day two: remaining heavy weapons are mopped up by NATO air strikes.

      Day three to one hundred: Russian meat waves get mowed down by NATO air strikes and artillery.

      Day one hundred and one: Putin tries to launch nuclear attack, fails.

    • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      25
      ·
      8 months ago

      China.

      Hear me out: Treaty of Aigun established Vladivostok on what was Chinese land - Yongmingcheng, where the russians built a western city/port for their pacific fleet. And the russian ‘east’; there’s a fantastic stretch of land that’s going to become quite livable due to climate change while china experiences a series of frustrations - inability to separate Taiwan from the west’s interference, inability to execute the 9-dash line’s ambitions to control the south china sea, and unity in the Australia-Indonesia-Philippines resistance to Chinese influence - why continue to waste resources where there’s nothing but resistence?

      Look north. Russia doesn’t have the best army in the Donbas lol, when supplied the Ukrainians are tearing them to shreds - far more lost there than Afghanistan and Chechnya - mind boggling losses. Will the Russians really be able to stand up to a peer army?

      And no one would twitch. Who’s going to jump to Russia’s aid?

      Seems like a win.

      • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        8 months ago

        I don’t think they will act directly against each other until they’ve dealt with the west. One attacking the other directly would just cement western dominance.

      • AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        8 months ago

        Been saying that for months. There’s enough of a Han population in Vladivostok for Xi to say it’s a “special military operation,” protecting native Chinese. It’d be a heck of a political coup for Xi, because he could have an easy military victory, and redirect attention from Taiwan. Also gives them a port outside of the first chain of islands that have cut them off from everything but the East China Sea

        • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          8 months ago

          csto

          it would be hilarious if Ru asked… imho the stan clan + armenia really don’t owe all that much to Ru, and putin in particular…

          something tells me China + Ukraine forcing a 2 front conflict on Russia would outweigh anything the CSTO could bring to bear quickly.

          • gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            8
            ·
            8 months ago

            Before I discovered Kirkland, I would have agreed with you.

            Kirkland is genuinely just as good, except a handle (1.75L) costs roughly as much as a normal Tito’s bottle (750ml).

            • meep_launcher@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              13
              ·
              8 months ago

              I was born in Kirkland. My mom drank only the finest Vodka during pregnancy. Kirkland Vodka made my IQ 180, gave me a chiseled chin, and I give earth shattering orgasms when I shake hands.

            • Grass@sh.itjust.works
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              8 months ago

              Can you get Kirkland vodka in Canada? I’ve seen Tito’s before but haven’t tried it.

                • Grass@sh.itjust.works
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  1
                  ·
                  8 months ago

                  There are Costco’s but I haven’t seen any with alcohol sections. Actually we probably just don’t have grocery and alcohol in the same store it’s probably been the times I’ve been in the states melding in my ancient mostly forgotten memories.

                  • M0oP0o@mander.xyz
                    link
                    fedilink
                    English
                    arrow-up
                    2
                    ·
                    8 months ago

                    Depends on the province. They have alcohol in a side store where I am. Kirkland vodka is good.

      • P03 Locke@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        8 months ago

        Vodka is the easiest goddamn spirit to turn into a high-tier brand. There is barely any flavor to Vodka, and even an expert could not tell the difference between a $150 bottle of vodka and a $30 bottle in a blind taste test.

      • jobby@lemmy.today
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        8 months ago

        I think just a big wood chipper followed by a mobile reggae sound system bumping up the highway slowly, passing out food, medical supplies and weed to the inhabitants as they go past. Followed an hour later by ANOTHER sound system and several clearly branded flatbed trucks, with happy smiling people throwing candy and chocolate off the back to the re-assembled crowd.

        Ain’t nobody stopping that parade.

    • xenoclast@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      8 months ago

      Tell Republicans that Gay Russians are having IVF just so they can get abortions at the free medical clinic.