The more I hear people talk about it who aren’t cis-het men, the more I hear criticism about the concept. But so far, I’ve only heard people say that it’s stupid, that it’s not a thing, that it’s men’s own fault etc. But I’ve yet to understand where that criticism comes from. I don’t want to start a discussion on whether or not it’s real or not. I just want to understand where the critics are coming from.
I’m not a cis man, but every man I’ve dated has had “friends”, but not people they can really talk to. Like, one guy I dated had a really big social circle and they regularly had gaming events. But he didn’t text or talk to anyone outside of planning and going to those events. Others had maybe one friend that they hung out with outside of work.
It is sad. And it was jarring when I was young, because I had lots of friends I could turn to on a bad day or for something more serious. It makes me so angry with “the patriarchy”, because it isn’t just keeping women down, it’s also hurting and sometimes killing men.
I had a cat die a very painful and sad death right in the veterinarian’s parking lot. I was completely devastated, but my poor boyfriend kept trying to hold back his tears because he “needed to be strong” for me. Bitch no, cry with me, that was super heavy. I’m going to carry that death with me until I die, and not just because my cat didn’t deserve that. It’s not fair for men to have this expectation that they need to hold back expressing emotion so they appear strong. (that particular ex also has a fear of dying, so he really needed to and should have felt free to express himself at that time)
Yes, because most cis het women in this situation would have rejected him. I have been there. I was dumped by a 5 year girlfriend over the death of my father. She was disgusted with my ‘whining’ and thought it was pathetic that I was sad/struggling with it. I’ve never met anyone in my life besides my sister/brother/parents who wasn’t disgusted by expressions of sadness, let alone tears. Almost any girlfriend I had, if I was in any kind of emotional distress, ended the relationship almost immediately thereafter because they don’t want to be with someone who is ‘weak’ and has emotions. And they always say it’s ok. They might let you cry. But they are viscerally disgusted with you afterwards.
I agree, I wish more men would realize that feminism also benefits men. Even things as small as being able to freely express yourself are hurt by the patriarchy
This is going to sound ridiculous, but I believe the perceived etymology of the word ‘feminism’ hurts the intent of the movement.
The word seems to imply that women should be put first, not as equals. Think of ‘nationalism’, those following that put their nation first, sometimes to the point of being derogatory to other nations.
So when uneducated hear the word feminism they may think it’s an ideology of putting women first to the point of being derogatory to men.
pragmatically, most men and most women, who are feminists, think women are superior to men. and you’ll notice their arguments are all about how men should be more like women, and never women should be like men.
It doesn’t help that some people misuse it that way either
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Men suffer under patriarchy, bro. It isn’t women exploiting your insecurities to sell you magic pills and creams for a bigger dick and more testerone, masculinity retreats, or super secret techniques for making them drop their panties.
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Okay, let’s spell it out.
Women don’t benefit from patriarchy. So you are saying that men don’t benefit from feminism.
Male loneliness is a bad thing. Something that doesn’t benefit men. This is caused by feminism which men don’t benefit from. Right? That is what you’re saying … Hard to know. You said so little and so shocked that people misunderstood you.
Feminism advocates for the equality of women and men in politics, economics, social, and interpersonal relationships. If women are treated in these areas (politics, economics, social, and interpersonal relationships), then men have equals to relate to, communicate with, and build community with. This is a benefit to men.
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