I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn’t welcome in this community anymore…oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.

I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.

And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!

Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I’m not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”

My wife also didn’t want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it’s free, let’s give it a fair shake.

Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I’m writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we’ll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.

My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they’re also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they’re already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying “We’re at Senor Frogs.” I did not get “We’re going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?”

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn’t ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother’s kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn’t feel left out. I wouldn’t have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn’t want. I wouldn’t feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.

I’m just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn’t rock because it’s on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I’m wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won’t feel ashamed of being different. I didn’t ask to be this way.

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I’m done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We’re over the hill. We’ll be home soon, and I will never do this again.

  • NounsAndWords@lemmy.world
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    11 months ago

    I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”

    “Yes, and it must really not be our thing if we are saying no to all of that.”

    Sometimes you need to pick a position and dig in your heels. Even when they start pushing and you start doubting yourself you can remember that you already made your choice…but not so easy when something is just suddenly thrown at you and you don’t get an opportunity to think on it first.

    A lot of the experiences you described sound a lot like stuff I deal with. Have you ever been tested for autism?

    • flooppoolf@lemmy.world
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      11 months ago

      I think this just happens to be one of the things we share with neurotypical adults that have overly cheery family members.

      The universal experience of “jesuuuus I said no mom, wait, why are you crying? Fineeee I’ll do it. Oh wow you stopped crying just like that.”

      Edit: I refuse to call my parents “n-parents”, but that’s what I meant by overly cheery. Their happiness over yours because culture.

    • 𝕾𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖞 𝕿𝖚𝖓𝖆@lemmy.worldOP
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      11 months ago

      Have you ever been tested for autism?

      Yes, 15+ years ago. The doctor said I had Asperger’s. I said bullshit, test me. Got tested. No Asperger’s. But honest to goodness, I fully believe I am on the spectrum. But I’m not going around saying I am without a proper diagnosis.

      Digging in my heels is something I’m working on. I have a really hard time saying no and sticking with it because of trauma.

    • StereoTrespasser@lemmy.world
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      11 months ago

      Why does everything on Lemmy and Reddit have to devolve into autism or depression? Dude just wants to build puzzles with his wife.

      • NounsAndWords@lemmy.world
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        11 months ago

        There’s a lot more there than ‘likes puzzles’. Sometimes when you have a thing or are part of a group, a lot of seemingly unrelated things start to make a pattern that others might not see. Like ‘gaydar’ or alcoholism or autism. And there is a lot of undiagnosed autism and just an enormous amount of depression in general. And also OP already affirmed what I said in this same thread a couple posts down. But I didn’t say he has autism, I asked if he’s been tested…and guess what?

        So it’s possible “everything is autism and depression” includes a big dose of cognitive bias on your end.