I can anticipate some of the comments this will attract, so I’m just going to drop a word of (admittedly unsolicited) advice, from someone who knows a bit about being marginalized, being a gay person married to a first-gen immigrant from Mexico:
My advice is something valuable I’ve learned. I’ve had moments of ignorance, and I think that’s just bound to happen when you’re born and raised in the rural conservative Midwest. What I’ve found is to reach out to people one-on-one. For example, just last year I was confused about a specific trans issue that I found perplexing, so I DMed one of my transgender Discord buddies, who cleared it up for me. It was nice not having five cis people and two trolls dogpiling me like I’ve found on places like reddit (or, to a lesser extent, here). And since I had already been friends with this person, I felt quite comfortable asking my question, and I knew that she’d know I was being genuine and coming from a place of love and wanting to understand, whereas my question might have (understandably) been interpreted as JAQing off had I posted it here or in some other public forum. It was much easier for me to understand her too, because I’ve come to trust her as well.
So that brings me to my second word of advice: Building relationships. I know it’s extremely inconvenient and messy to connect with people, especially online, but so many things have become clear to me just getting to know people from different groups. For example, I think of this 80+ year old woman who was our neighbor and told us she had spent most of her life being homophobic, but just knowing some actual gay people had completely changed her mind. Or for my own self, having Muslim friends and neighbors – when someone lectures me about all Muslims thinking I’m bad for being gay – well, now I know that’s wrong!
I know some people would say, “But Link, putting it on a public forum means other people can learn from it,” and by all means, yes – but see the post above. It can be very upsetting for many of us to have to deal with the bad-faith trolls that flock to such questions like flies to shit, and asking marginalized people to shoulder that burden, it’s understandable if we can’t or don’t feel up to it.
So I think that’s what this meme is all about.
Also, I often hesitate to give advice because … well … I’ve been an absolute trainwreck and had life experiences I’d wish on no one aha, but in this case I think my advice is solid.
So, to summarize:
Form relationships
Reach out in private
If you do this, then instead of making someone upset or hurt, you might actually make their day, because they’ll know you care.
I can anticipate some of the comments this will attract, so I’m just going to drop a word of (admittedly unsolicited) advice, from someone who knows a bit about being marginalized, being a gay person married to a first-gen immigrant from Mexico:
My advice is something valuable I’ve learned. I’ve had moments of ignorance, and I think that’s just bound to happen when you’re born and raised in the rural conservative Midwest. What I’ve found is to reach out to people one-on-one. For example, just last year I was confused about a specific trans issue that I found perplexing, so I DMed one of my transgender Discord buddies, who cleared it up for me. It was nice not having five cis people and two trolls dogpiling me like I’ve found on places like reddit (or, to a lesser extent, here). And since I had already been friends with this person, I felt quite comfortable asking my question, and I knew that she’d know I was being genuine and coming from a place of love and wanting to understand, whereas my question might have (understandably) been interpreted as JAQing off had I posted it here or in some other public forum. It was much easier for me to understand her too, because I’ve come to trust her as well.
So that brings me to my second word of advice: Building relationships. I know it’s extremely inconvenient and messy to connect with people, especially online, but so many things have become clear to me just getting to know people from different groups. For example, I think of this 80+ year old woman who was our neighbor and told us she had spent most of her life being homophobic, but just knowing some actual gay people had completely changed her mind. Or for my own self, having Muslim friends and neighbors – when someone lectures me about all Muslims thinking I’m bad for being gay – well, now I know that’s wrong!
I know some people would say, “But Link, putting it on a public forum means other people can learn from it,” and by all means, yes – but see the post above. It can be very upsetting for many of us to have to deal with the bad-faith trolls that flock to such questions like flies to shit, and asking marginalized people to shoulder that burden, it’s understandable if we can’t or don’t feel up to it.
So I think that’s what this meme is all about.
Also, I often hesitate to give advice because … well … I’ve been an absolute trainwreck and had life experiences I’d wish on no one aha, but in this case I think my advice is solid.
So, to summarize:
Form relationships
Reach out in private
If you do this, then instead of making someone upset or hurt, you might actually make their day, because they’ll know you care.
Link out!