Nobody tells me what I’m going to do or where I will be going and when that happens

I am open to invitations or requests or suggestions where my involvement is desired or ostensibly necesary for somone else. But I will never respond to this as a statement of fact or in the form of a threat

  • Russ@bitforged.spaceEnglish
    91·
    11 months ago

    Sure, I’ll bite.

    Do not attempt to tell me “what I’m thinking”

    I’m not going to pretend that my way of thinking is “unique” because I can’t speak for how others think, but I expect that same courtesy to apply to me as well. For example, whenever someone says “You seem to think…” it upsets me quite a bit. What I say out loud (or “write” I suppose) doesn’t include the context of how I got to that point.

    I very much am happy for people to tell me when I’m wrong on something, because if I’m wrong I would like to know (more-so if they can actually prove it… just saying “You’re wrong” and not saying how leads to nothing, but that is a whole other rant). However, one thing that that no one can assert to know more than I do is how I think, what I’m thinking, or the methods that I used to arrive to something I’ve said/done. You can possibly predict it depending on how long you’ve known me for, but to try to claim you know exactly what, is very egregious in my eyes.

    I have a pretty high tolerance before my temper is set off (or as I like to say “A very long fuse, but an even higher yield when that fuse runs out”), but there is a small list of exceptions to that - one being hypocrisy, and the other being this.

    • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldOP
      7·
      11 months ago

      Gaslighting is deadly and I violently shut it down whenever I perceive or sense it. It is emotional rape, pure and simple, and the REDDEST of flags 🚩🥀

      Its been interesting engaging with people I know now that everyone is aware we don’t mix factual and feelings-based conversations.

      Much nicer when we know what’s debatable or negotiable and what is off-limits.

      • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldOP
        1·
        11 months ago

        Easy way to avoid this is ask someone to summarize or if you can summarize the objective main points respectfully and then it becomes a joint-fact-finding mission if its all truly good-faith.

        Like,

        if I’m hearing you correctly, it sounds like someone conflated their lack of clarity/understanding of ______ for you instead misunderstanding ________, which you can/will respectfully demonstrate is not the case because

        1. X
        2. Y
        3. Z

        The summarizing is helpful tho because you might want to pin down the actual points of confusion or disagreement like lawyers do in a Joint Statement of Facts so you can know where the discrepancies lay.

    • Lvxferre@lemmy.ml
      5·
      11 months ago

      I got something similar-ish… low tolerance towards assumptions about things that one cannot reliably know. It includes assuming what I’m thinking, but also more objective matters.