It might be helpful to try to organize those thoughts on your loved ones into something constructive?

If it has made you face the mortality of your loved ones, perhaps write them letters about how important they are to you, and how this event has damaged you but also helped you uncover how strongly you care for them.

You’re on an emotional rollercoaster. I’m sure they are, too. Telling them how much you mean to them can spark a conversation that may help you both process your feelings on the matter.