I think I was around 14 or 15 when I started discovering this side of my sexuality. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, so it was either one of two things:

I first started noticing that I was still attracted to kids a lot younger than me, which prompted me to look for loli/shota porn, and then I started to accept myself and identify as a MAP…

Or I first started getting into loli/shota, which made me realize I was also attracted to kids and then I started to accept myself and identify as a MAP.

At any rate, I was always good with computers so I quickly figured out the inner workings of the MAP world. At first I wasn’t even sure if I was a MAP or not and I had this idea that I would seek professional help to “not hurt any kids”.

A lot has changed since then and I’ve become much more comfortable with my sexuality. Thinking back to when I was younger, this pretty much echoed how I felt about being bi - going from denial and thinking that I should go through conversion therapy to being out and proud. (Well, I’m not out about being a MAP, though I am proud.)

Now the only thing I’m struggling with is trying to figure out if I’m also zoosexual or just a confused furry lol. Though because now I’m a lot more comfortable with expressing and exploring my sexuality I don’t feel guilty about this possibility, and I’m more willing to accept myself if I am indeed a zoo - though even if I’m not I think the struggles of MAPs and zoos are very similar so I’ll definitely still remain an ally.

  • A Friendly Stranger@rqd2.netEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Can’t remember where I have and haven’t told this story yet, so here goes again I suppose.

    The topic of attraction is quite vagued for me, because of trauma I have a mind-body disconnection. Which means my expression of sexual and aesthetic attraction is through fantasies and passive admiration only.

    Anyway, I remember showing interest in sex quite young (10-ish). I started to write and draw porn, and I would also try to look for it online. That’s where the fantasizing started too. I’d come up with elaborate plots and abusive intimate scenarios. All of these metaphysical people would just pop in my head and they’d have whole lives. They were attracted to each other. These people were of all ages, kids, teens, adults, middle aged adults, elderly. They weren’t always fabricated, sometimes I’d use real people or fictional characters, but as my own ‘headcanons’.

    Of course since I exist on this spinning orb and therefor parttake in the passage of time against my will, I started aging, and I started hearing hateful things towards pedophiles. I tried really hard to make my fantasies ‘age appropriate’, but I just realized that I was missing the inclusion of youth. Sexual thoughts of children arouse me, depictions of children are attractive to me, and the MAP community accepts me. So even though I don’t personally wanna date children, I am proud to call myself a MAP!