“Hello Mr. Dafoe.”

“What do you want Terry! I’m glaring at myself in the mirror nude trying to look more horrifying!”

“Well Mr. Dafoe I think I got a role you’ll love, it’s an indie black and white picture where you play an insane, drunken lighthouse keeper who’s psychologically abusing his assistant.”

“Who plays the assistant?”

“Robert Pattinson.”

“Do I get to show people my penis?”

“Yes actually there is a scene where…”

"I WAS BORN FOR THIS ROLE!!!

a couple years later

“Hey Mr. Dafoe! The same director of The Lighthouse is making a new film and he wants you to play a Norse Shaman who’s also a court jester for a viking king and he gets really high on mushroom stew.”

“This director knows me so well!”