Not talking about being with one partner at a time. Talking about the idea of finding “the one” and being with them your whole life.
50% divorce rate. 97% of people (in the US) don’t wait till marriage, so most of us have multiple sexual partners prior to the one we stick with. Many have children with more than one partner.
How can anyone look at the world and think, yeah, there’s one that’s meant for everyone and just one?
Also hope I don’t come across disrespectful. If you do believe in monogamy, I am interested in hearing from you. I’m just buzzed and thinking about my own love life and being curt
Edit: Speaking to the idea that it’s the “natural order” or default. Not that it can’t work in individual circumstances, especially when we’ve been programmed for decades
That’s not monogamy, that’s a delusion.
Monogamy is “one partner at a given time”.
Even then it seems illogical to me tbh (internally inconsistent?), but at least it’s less rigid
How so?
If you date someone in Highschool, and then date someone in college after the highschool relationship ended how are you not monogamous?Oh the definition is fine, I just mean that it seems illogical to adhere to it dogmatically.
Like, ok I’ll try to come up with the best summation but bear with me lol. Basically, let’s say you’re with your current partner. You’ve been into other people in the past. So, logically, you’ll probably be into other people - at some level - in the future, right? That seems like a natural development to me.
So if it’s natural, why should we have the little fine print on all of our relationships that reads “If you’re into other people this contract is null and void?”
Am I making sense? Lol. Like I just mean that it’s natural to be attracted, in some way, to more than one person so why do we default to holding ourselves and our partners to the unnatural? In that way, I’m monogamous with one person at a time seems logically inconsistent to me. It accepts the existence of plurality of attraction, yet denies its engagement
I guess I’ll bite.
I’ve been with my wife since high school and we married after 7 years. So all-in-all, in total we’ve been together 16 years and have one kid. After all of the time invested and my age now, having more than one partner sounds exhausting.
If I was able to do it over differently, I don’t think I would. I grew up catholic, so the idea of monogamy was part of my upbringing. But having had access to the early internet I was exposed to just about anything you could imagine. Having read and listened to many people talk about poly relationships in my younger years, while enticing to have more than one partner, it still sounded harder to deal with or navigate than one person.
Similar boat - wife and I dated in high school, broke up, ended up at the same college later on and now we’re married with two kids (going on 15 years together).
I married my best friend and I don’t need to worry about any weird landmines. No regrets.
So I’m a queer woman and I swear ALL OF MY FRIENDS are some level of poly. Which, rock on! Good for them! But my GF and I are happily monogamous and can’t imagine a future where we open it up. I have no shade, I’ve read the poly books, watched the open relationships YouTube and listened to the theroy, I totally understand where they are coming from and why it works for people. The divorce rate is a good enough example as any for why it makes people happy. Monogamy is not something to enforced or expected of people, clearly it isn’t working for most folk.
But I also know any thing more than 1 partner just sounds STRESSFUL. Like, I always work myself up wondering if I am messing up ONE relationship, idk how y’all do it with multiple people to worry about. 😂
