Anyone desperate for more female friends because you feel like you missed out in your life prior to coming out? I find myself being so desperate for new lady friends that it never works out for me. Either they find me annoying or they have ulterior motives like trying to sleep with me.

I’ve been out since I was 29. I’m 36 and I don’t want to miss out on havia small group of lady friends. In person, no discord, no Reddit.

  • SpookyBogMonster@lemmy.mlEnglish
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    1 day ago

    I feel this, big time. I had a former friend, a cis woman, not long after I came out, offer to help me transition, give me advice, and in her words, “be a big sister”. This is the thing every trans girl wishes they could hear, so I jumped at the offer.

    And she helped me with some thing here and there, but very quickly, things started to sour for reasons I struggle to wrap my head around. I was always the one starting conversations. She rarely, if ever, took an active interest in my life or transition, and when I would try and take an interest in her life, the conversation would rarely go anywhere.

    When conversions did go somewhere, it was always this tossup as to whether I was going to get that kind, supportive “big sister” relationship she kept insisting we had, or if she’d say something deeply hurtful. And the latter scenario happened frequently enough that it’s really wrecked my self esteem and damaged my ability to open up and form new relationships with other women.

    She would also regularly ignore or bowl over my needs and desires, and on occasion would treat me like some sort of dress up doll, whether I’d benefit, or felt comfortable with it, or not.

    It took me a long time to finally distance myself from the whole situation, because this was someone I really looked up to and admired at one point, and it was difficult to recognize that there was nothing I could do that was going to make her love me, or treat me like a person.

    • MystValkyrie@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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      1 day ago

      I lost a really good friend after coming out to her too. We met in college and kind of became go-to friends for all our nature activities. There were a lot of hiking and camping trips, corn maze visits, vegan cookouts, and we were really open with each other and we’d regularly discuss life and struggles. It was really nice.

      I thought she’d be the most supportive because she was queer too (but also cis), and she said a lot of really nice, supportive things in the moment, but then not long after she got really distant, never had time to meet up, and would only occasionally reply to messages, and eventually checked no on my wedding invitations. Months ago, long after I thought we were out of touch for good, she texted me sharing her wedding pictures and she hadn’t even mentioned to me she got engaged. I replied with my wedding pictures and we’re back to radio silence, which is okay, but sad.

      After I moved to a new city, I was planning my wedding and my best friend’s wife ended up backing out on being maid of honor, which made me realize I had no bridesmaids. All my friends now are guys, and they live two hours away and only ever want to play video games and not do outdoor stuff. Someday I hope to make a new IRL friend, but it’s hard to meet people as an adult.

  • Minty@aussie.zoneEnglish
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    1 day ago

    Yeah for sure. I only have one lady friend and they were my ex, so it makes it a little complex. We make it work however.

    I did go to an event with a lot of trans women. It was such a positive vibe. BUT didnt make any friends. I am planning, at some point, going to a dnd thing. Should be a very diverse set of peoole there.