- cross-posted to:
- theonion@midwest.social
- cross-posted to:
- theonion@midwest.social
What could be more indicative of a thirst for power and control than a perfectly level, uniform expanse of grass? Clearly, only someone with fascist tendencies would aspire to such impeccable orderliness, attempting to impose their oppressive standards on nature itself. Because nothing says “I want to dominate the world” quite like the pursuit of a weed-free lawn.
Consider the process of maintaining a lawn. It’s essentially an exercise in subjugation. Mowing down innocent blades of grass week after week, enforcing a uniform height – it’s like a tiny dictatorship being played out in your front yard. And let’s not even mention the chemical warfare that goes on behind the scenes – those pesticides and fertilizers are the secret tools of aspiring autocrats, seeking to eliminate any form of diversity (read: weeds) in their quest for homogeneity.
But the plot thickens when we consider the boundary lines. The quintessential white picket fence, meticulously aligned with the driveway, serves as a clear metaphor for the barriers these so-called “lawn fascists” wish to erect between themselves and the rest of the world. Heaven forbid a dandelion or, heaven forbid, a clover should breach these sacred borders! It’s not just a lawn, it’s a fortified buffer zone against any hint of dissenting plant life.
And let’s talk about the water consumption. While the rest of us worry about global water shortages and environmental sustainability, these lawn-loving authoritarians are apparently convinced that the well-being of their turf is of paramount importance. Are they hoarding water to fuel their nefarious plans for world domination? It wouldn’t be surprising – every power-hungry despot needs a well-hydrated base of operations.
In conclusion, the evidence is irrefutable: anyone with a lawn is a fascist. The quest for a pristine lawn represents a disturbing desire for control, uniformity, and domination over the natural world. So, the next time you see a neatly trimmed yard, just remember – behind that innocent facade of green lies a potential dictator in the making, plotting to impose their authoritarian rule, one well-timed sprinkler cycle at a time.
This reads like a stand up bit intended to insult the audience with a wild strawman. It would go over better if you took out the personal attack and limited it to the experience of what goes into maintaining a lawn, which many people take on because they checks notes bought a house. Fuck 'em, though, right?
It’s strictly less work to let empty land become wild and have a diversity of flora and fauna. Why would someone spend dozens of hours per month keeping a lawn pristine just because they bought a house with empty land around it?
A) They actively prefer a lawn that nothing can live in over a space where unknown and unvetted species dwell. Your argument is invalid.
B) They would get fined or ostracized if they do not keep the lawn dead. Their HOA/neighborhood is fascist, and they choose to submit themselves to fascism rather than look for a house that isn’t located in a fascist neighborhood. Your argument may be valid if they didn’t have a reachable alternative, but OP still has a point that the lawn is dead because of fascistic demands.
Oof that’s a whole lot of assumptions. Not every single house owner even belongs to an HOA. Ostracization can also be caused by other factors, like those delightful people who arrange their used car collections.
I’m going to go out on a wild limb and state that lawn ownership is not inherently facist. While it may be the local standard for many people in North America and West Europe, I believe home owners around the world generally have the choice of what to plant in their own property. As you said, there are problems with local setups, where HOAs or other controlling organizations are the norm.
I’ve never heard of an HOA outside the US. Are they all run by the same organization, or do they tend to be different regionally? Genuinely curious, but I think the term “fascism” is generally used when there are literally no other options available. Is buying a house in the US conditional on joining an HOA? Is my perspective too narrow on this?