I don’t get my Brain sometimes and needed to write my thoughts down and figured this would be a good place for sharing them, so I hope you enjoy :3

Like in the last couple of hours I have been repeatedly doubting if I am really trans as like there is not much dysphoria, I don’t overtly think about it much and like all sorts of weird things?

And then I remember that

  1. I do still get dysphoria, sometimes better sometimes worse, but honestly its managable almoat always, always has been.
  2. I have been on hormons for like what, 4.5 years now? Of fucking course I don’t think about it all that often anymore, I am used to it by now and more settled! also unironically this was/is a transitiongoal of mine haha, so brain come on wtf???
  3. Coming back to the first point, while not much dysphoria is present, living as a woman has brought me joy I have never felt before. Like just now I saw my siluette in on the wall and marveled at it for a good few seconds because thats girl and thats mine??? Like yooooo wtf how nice!
  4. Hell, I kind of know that I am not super binary, I just like to forget that I am because being binary trans is so nice for me :3 Like I am genderfluid, kinda has been whats going on inside my body. Its just long swings and being is girl ks always always part of the identity, but also I guess there is enough other parts in me that it is juuuust noticable you know :D

So yeah, now I am sitting here and my brain is quiet again, amd I am happy again as thinking about this has given me all of the good memories again, have a good night :3

  • Estiar@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    0·
    11 hours ago

    Thanks for writing this! I feel like I’ve been a bit of a ping pong ball: back and forth and back and forth. I’ve kind of had to make sense of being non-binary too. It’d be so much simpler if I was binary trans, but you know it would also be really simple if I was not trans in the first place, but here we are. At this point it kind of feels weird to see my masculine side come out, but I still have it. Unfortunately my brain is a bit mushy because of all the moe moe anime stuff and the stereotypical transgender woman culture fueled by second puberty. I should stop doing the performative BS. That’s not what makes me anything. Girl, boy, whatever.