So, I have come to the conclusion that the word “want” in my brain has two closely related meanings.
- Something I want right now for the dopamine. Ex Ice Cream.
- Something that I want for my self long term. Ex to be healthy.
It is hard enough to organize my thoughts normally, but when I have competing wants like Ice Cream, vs to be healthy. It really sucks to have the same word for both.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is there other words that you use to help separated these ideas in your head?
I think i have roughly three categories for this.
Needs: i need food/ my meds/ a train ticket to get to work
Wants: stuff that i want for me beyond the needs, e.g. hobby stuff like a tripod if one is into photography or dinner in a nice restaurant from time to time
Desires: stuff thats purely for pleasure. Like candy, or a new phone if the old one is still working or very expensive hobby related material, like that carbon tripod with all the bells and whistles, or material i allready own plenty of, like video games.
Asking myself if something is still a want vs a desire stopped some impulse buys, but this desires very very tempting
In philosophy there’s a term “second order desire” which is “wanting to want” something. So, when you want ice cream it’s a first order desire, you just want it. But when you want to eat healthily, it’s often a desire for wellbeing, long-term goals, etc. Not a sudden urge for carrots.
The challenge for adhd is that second order desires aren’t that motivating. When I’m in a sporadic fitness phase (seems to hit for a few weeks every few years) then I really want to exercise (first order desire). I’d rather do exercise than play on my phone or watch TV. But the rest of the time I want to want to do exercise (to be fit) and if I had a magic wand or a pill I could take I’d prefer that to the exercise, because it’s not something I genuinely want for itself. But going for a walk somewhere beautiful, or going dancing with friends, are things I genuinely want to do, so are easy to achieve. And they have a byproduct of being some physical exercise.
I think of it as desires or impulses versus goals.
How bout “my brain craves, but I want.” Like, I’m craving ice cream but I want to be healthy." It reminds you to make the distinction between bodily urges and your more executive desires, the ones you actually want to inform your behavior.
What’s that saying about how the quintessential neurodivergent experience is making the distinction between your real self/mind and your brain? Relevant
Since I learned CBT I focus on lower brain and upper brain. It doesnt always make perfect scientific sense, and often the “lower brain” is more about fears than other emotions. You may want to try more complex words. Impulse, desire, SMART goal, craving. “Competing wants” sounds like Economics 101 lingo. I’m not gonna give advice, I think I’m struggling with this is same problem in an entirely different way.
It might be a language issue. Like in English you can love ice cream, you can love going hiking and you can love your pet. Same word but… we could do with more nuance. In Spanish there are two different words for “to be”. A temporary versus a permanent state. I am sad (at the moment) versus I am sad (I’ve been clinically depressed my entire life). In English you would probably have to add in a word or two to let the listener / reader know how long you’d been sad for. Trying to get thoughts into language doesn’t always translate perfectly and sometimes we can only get close to the expression we seek. You could try browsing a thesaurus and choosing different words for slightly different feelings. i.e. I desire ice cream vs I seek to be healthy.
