Alright. This isn’t exactly a proper response to the prompt, but it’s either a partial step to one, and/or a way of saying that the answer isn’t easy to get, so nobody really knows in that universe. I’m pondering on this being a part one or the totality of it.

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“C’mon Rover, there’s gotta be more, mate!”

“I still think he was fucking with you.”

“You said you were there!”

“No, I said I was an ancient evil that was around when you jumped up monkeys left your planet.”

“Doesn’t that imply that you were there later too?”

“I wasn’t bloody everywhere. You think a shadowy, sulfurous scented demon would be able to just hang around while a crowd watched some guys getting crucified?”

“Not now that you say it, but I’m used to you now.”

“Awww, that’s sweet! Can I get some belly rubs? Maybe some behind the ear action?”

“You’re a bloody menace. If you get horny again, I’m out though, and you’ll bloody well spill while I do it.”

"Ahhh, yeah! That’s the spot!

Tobias mate, you are a product of a culture that lacks the frame of reference for a lot of things. You don’t even properly understand what I am, and you’re petting me. You need to realize that things were different then. Magic was broken and had been fading for a long time, and by the time Jesus came around, only the most powerful of you generally magically weak apes could even weave a minor illusion, much less open a passage into the planes for something like me.

I wasn’t here at that point in time, I was caught up in all the changes and wars that started when magic broke. When you damned monkeys got too big for your britches and did the breaking, rather. I didn’t even look like this before! The point I’m making is that the actions of one of you spreading a cult that didn’t try to call on my type of thing wasn’t important. We only got third and fourth hand rumors.

The whole Jesus thing is like that. By the time I even heard the name Jesus, he’d been dead for a long time. So I don’t really know if any of the biblical rigamarole is accurate, or if it was that Jesus was anything other than a really strong magic user pulling off a trick to make people think he was dead after his cult got too much attention."

“What were the rumors then?”

"There weren’t many at the time. The only thing I heard was that some obscure god was trying to set itself up to last through the weakened magic by getting everyone too pray to it, playing a long game. You’d have to ask Yahweh if that was actually him or not, I sure don’t know.

Hey, do the other ear, yeah?"

“If you don’t get to the point, I’m gonna have you neutered!”

"I don’t have balls you jackass, I’m a demon. I only look like I have balls because the spiritual matter of me is shaped by the minds of man.

Anyway, the rumor was that this Joshua, or jesu, or yeshua, or whatever variant would get used had been recruited by a god to start a new religion, and hoover up many followers as possible. That the guy did a decent job of it, and had his followers convinced he was demigod or some such. The whole resurrection thing was not a new idea in that regard. Reborn godlings and demigods were a dime a dozen before magic broke and the gods drifted away.

So, yeah, maybe he could have been a vampire. Or he could have been a good faker. Why don’t you ask him?"

“How the bloody hell would I do that?”

“He’s right behind you.”

"What?!

Oh, you fucker. No more scritches for you today. But, really, how would I ask?"

“I dunno, either talk to one of his priests, find a way to the realm of the gods, maybe call in favors with someone that can talk to gods directly.”

“A vampire walking into a church seems a rubbish idea.”

“Oh, these new Christians aren’t that bad. They don’t automatically assume your type are evil, and even if they did, the whole forgiveness and kindness thing their deity preaches would give you enough time to start running. Can’t guide you to repent if they drive a stake in your heart.”

“Good for them, a stake would just piss me off. You think one of the priests would really answer?”

“Maybe, but the real question is if Jesus would give them an answer, or if they’d just give you the soft sell and sucker you in.”

“You really think it’s a good idea?”

“I’m a demonic creature, I think eating people is a good idea. This just seems entertaining.”

“Fuck it then, let’s off!”

This is another one that sparked an idea, but hasn’t worked yet. I’ve typed couple of intro dialogue exchanges, but haven’t gotten to where it works yet. Still grinding away at it in the back of my head though.

Part of the problem is that I’m torn between keeping it in my established universe, with the character I’ve used a few times here; and doing something out of that setting, but which would require a little world building setup to make sense with the concept in my brain.