‘It’s quite soul-destroying’: how we fell out of love with dating apps::For a decade, apps have dominated dating. But now singles are growing tired of swiping and are looking for new ways to meet people – or reverting to old ones
‘It’s quite soul-destroying’: how we fell out of love with dating apps::For a decade, apps have dominated dating. But now singles are growing tired of swiping and are looking for new ways to meet people – or reverting to old ones
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All these dating apps are owned by the same company and are all kinda scammy. It’s very much a pay to play scenario.
Back when OkCupid first came out and they hadn’t figured out how to make you pay for everything, it was awesome. I went on so many dates.
Fast forward to last year and I’m dating again and try OkCupid and it was a totally different experience. I never would get messages organically. You have to subscribe to the premium package and then you have to pay to get more super likes so that women actually see your account. It’s pretty ridiculous.
So don’t use it as a gage to judge yourself. It’s just about how much money you spend on the app.
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Sounds like I got out at the right time with OkCupid which is where I met my gf back in 2014. I recall when I was divorced further back in 2008 how Lavalife, Plenty of Fish, Match, and Craigslist were the places I felt like a kid in a candy store due to when I was first married, online dating apps weren’t a thing yet.
OkCupid was much better than eHarmony and Tinder had just come out and it wasn’t so money driven then. Sounds like it is much more so now.
I heard about the lawsuit Tinder was in over fake profiles driving users into premium features but I don’t think they were alone with that either. It’s a shame how some of these services went through change to drive revenue and some are no longer around at all. It was kind of like a golden time to meet people when it was still becoming more acceptable than the cold approach in a club, bar or grocery store for those of us not really into those scenes.
What I liked about the dating apps then was both parties stated what they were looking for and we both we were there for dating. Cold approaching often meant someone is not on that wave length unlike the dating app. I found people were there for the same thing for the most part. Dating of some form being Casual all the way up to married and have my babies. For me it felt like a short cut over trying to figure that out in real time in public.
Today with the apps driven towards looks only I have to wonder if it is more a play on stroking one’s own ego and dopamine hits from the randomness of collecting matches versus actually meeting people in real life. I could see that a big bump for someone with no real intention of dating unless it was one of the top 5 percent of the users. Overwise it’s just another way to keep us from being bored like scrolling through social media…
I know that’s what a lot of people get out of it but it’s so surreal to me because my experience has always been the exact opposite. I get virtually no matches or likes, so being on a dating app is just a steady drain on my confidence, and the more I try to engage with the app, the worse it gets.
You’re out there dodging bullets my man. Don’t let others define your self worth.
Sorry I can’t help with the dating advice. I’m old as fuck and married forever and the modern dating scene seems weird to me.
For what it’s worth, my son met a lovely girl while travelling. He also met lots of cool people through local online groups in the areas he was traveling to. Not sure if that’s useful at all.
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Hobbies if you have time or money? And not hobbies for the sake of trying to find someone romantically, but something you genuinely enjoy. Local game stores can be a good way to find out about other adjacent events (if they are big enough) or trivia nights at bars, etc.
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Ahh most of my hobbies have mostly outpriced me as well.
When I was motivated to go out and do hobby stuff, it was mostly a male dominated space so 90% of the time I just felt like a meat bag, and it really killed my desire to go out and do hobby stuff. So I ended up mostly at home.