More of a ‘tell lemmy’ post, apologies for that; but, would love feedback and critique as always.

After many good years, and subsequently many many ‘meh’ years on the ‘R’ word, I have some suggestions after receiving a lot of messages.

• Remember “Set and Setting”

I borrowed this from the psychedelic community but it applies perfectly to a cold open on a sexually geared community. Imagine you are in a sex club or a strip club, an extremely sexually charged atmosphere - would you approach someone with, “Hello, how are you doing today?” or, “What are your favorite hobbies?” - no, no you would not. We are not on facebook/hinge here.

• Remember the concerns of the person you are messaging

If the person you are messaging obscures their face, they are obviously looking for an anonymous sexual outlet. If someone is worried about their friends/family/employer finding out about their sexy-time-shenanigans, then asking pointed questions such as, “Where are you right now?” or, “What city do you live in?” without a buildup of trust first is a turnoff at best and a red flag, time to bail at worst. We are adults and we have lives away from this forum which we do not (typically) want effected.

• Remember the person you are approaching chose this site

Was the post that attracted you to this person posted in a community or with a thread title related to seeking snapchat/telegram/whatever experiences? If not, messaging that person seeking to hop on video chat or any other site but this one is akin to saying, “hello,” to someone at a bar and immediately following it up with: “Let’s go back to my place.” It doesn’t work (unless you are paying for it, not for me but no judgments)

• Start from a position of trust

Opening a conversation with, “Is that really you?” or, “Who is taking these photos for you?” immediately implies your conversation partner is being dishonest. You are not a police officer (and even worse as someone cold messaging you are literally nobody) and the person you are pursuing is under no obligation to dispel your doubts about their authenticity.

Every community in which I participated on the ‘R’ word, I verified with - and after spending some time here and enjoying it, I will do the same for Lemmy; that being said, if you don’t see a verification post and you don’t trust someone, just don’t message them - you are wasting everyone’s time.

That’s it. Bitchy (hopefully not) rant over. Just thought I would give back to the community with a view from the other side of the mountain(s) and help to improve your game. 😘