Was at an event this past week and thought I was catching feelings for someone. It of course felt extremely nice in the moment but definitely lost a lot of its luster once I came back to earth and realized I was repeating a pattern. I think that since all of my past relationships have started with this sort of teenage love-adjacent feeling, I was under the impression that this is what love is. Starting to believe it may be slightly more boring (from a feelings standpoint), and I might just have to find someone else who gets that too.

I think sometimes I forget most of what I already know because sometimes I forget to write down what I’m feeling (I always convince myself that the feeling is unforgettable but still forget). Once I’ve grounded myself and confidently put names to the feelings, it’s easier to see that infatuation can sometimes be a disguise for an anxiety that is familiar. It does make me wonder if I am second guessing myself and self sabotaging in the end. Guess I’ll only ever know