Thought in my head about if you suspect someone of being poly and your interested them, is it worth asking?
This does relate to my previous post and I like the “just flirt” route since its got the best case for it
In my experience, they tend to tell you right away, if they see/feel interest - from both sides
Yup.
And then in my experience, I go. “Oh. Dang”
I was a bit young and just fell silent, because they included it in their greeting, when I was a guest at their place
Yeah, she was pretty and I would have tried, if I would have had the confidence, but even with the invitation, I stepped back
Anyway I’m not really big on one night stands, I need to have some emotional connection. Else it just feels like wanking into a women.
But that’s me and others probably would have taken that invitation
I guess there is a gender aspect as well. One of my dude friends casually mentioned they were poly when talking about relationships. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Just “oh, cool”.
This girl I knew who I was a bit on the fence about invited me on a date and showed up with two other guys. I don’t have a problem with one night stands, but I have literally no interest in sharing. Then she got real mad when I didn’t try to hook up with her then and there. I didn’t even realize it was a poly thing until later that night, I thought she intended a platonic hang and I was the crazy one that thought it was a date.
Pretty much like never having to ask if someone is vegan.
From my point of view, best to ask early. But then, I’d want to tell someone anyway, if things were heading past light flirting.
I don’t know if a monogamous person might be offended by the question though (?)
Monogamous person here. I would not be offended if someone asked me if I was, or if someone else is. I think it’s kinda hot. It’s not something I’d want to be in long-term, but for a night? Shit, why not? That said, I’ve been married almost 20 years, and my wife and I aren’t looking for a third or a couple to play with. Maybe when we were both 20 years younger. Not now. That’s a younger person’s game (to my mind anyway). But offended? No way. You do you, boo.
You can also ask me if I’m gay or trans. I’m neither, but I won’t mind being asked as long as it’s respectfully. And I’ll answer in kind. I have been hit on by men. Not often, but it’s happened a few times. Always flattering, as long as they take no for an answer. They always have. I mean, it’s kinda dangerous for them if they don’t. Not from me. I just mean in general. And violence against LGBTQ+ has always been a factor, unfortunately. Still, I’m flattered they think I’m worth their time. But I don’t swing that way. I thank them for the compliment and wish them well. I think it’s the best you can do in the situation. And while best is the enemy of good, well, I try to be better.
If you don’t mind gay men hitting on you, you may not be representative of typical monogamists, lol
Also, not sure about a young person’s game … I’d love to have one or two more people in my life, and I’m 48. Can’t see that changing any time soon
Another straight monogamist here, hit on is hit on. As long as it’s not pushy I can tolerate some flirting from pretty much anybody, just realize it’s not going anywhere.
I don’t know if a monogamous person might be offended by the question though (?)
Being offended by an honest question about it in modern society… Unless there’s a strong religious aspect (where being poly is likely a big issue in general), probably a red flag in general. It indicates they are easily offended by relatively simple things, and if that offends them that much, what else do they have strong and potentially out of proportion opinions on?
Well, they get offended by some things that seem quite alien to me, so I don’t know what is or isn’t ok
Yes monogamous people would probably be offended. Think of it this way; to monogamous people, polyamory is functionally cheating, so you’re indirectly accusing them of being a cheater with your question. It’s not my fault, this is just the reality.
The solution is so extremely simple you’ll laugh. Instead of asking if they’re poly, ask people if they’re monogamous. Other monogamous people will be like, yeah of course aren’t you? Poly people will say no without being offended.
Oh yeah it’s okay, I’m poly and I don’t mind being asked as long as it’s done respectfully !
I would ask straight up, I feel like it would different if I was interested in them
doesn’t hurt to ask. better be informed than taken by surprise
If you need sexual and/or emotional exclusivity in a romantic relationship, do ask, unless you want to go through quarreling and drama later on.
I would think this would come up at some point. Usually all couples sorta get to the exclusivity question at some point. No one expects after one date the other person won’t see other people.
Yeah, ask.
