I really struggle to make friends and being an adult trying to make friends is even worse than when I was a kid in school.

It appeared that I had made a friend but they turned out to be kinda toxic. I made mistakes too but I never tried to hurt them or manipulate them. They’ve made me feel like they’re embarrassed to know me. Like our friendship had to be a secret.

Now, I finally managed piss them off that they don’t want to talk to me anymore. Part of me is glad but part of me feels lonely. Very lonely.

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for quite some time now and we are waiting for her to finish school next spring before we move in together. It’s difficult for me to think that’s really going to happen. She reassures me often that it will.

I should be happy with that but nothing beats seeing a friend face-to-face regularly and talking to each other.

I feel sad and lonely and selfish. I don’t want to hurt myself but I do kinda wish I was dead.

  • harrys_balzac@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
    3·
    2 days ago

    I used to use Meetup and I should get back onto it and see what’s going on around me.

    I definitely want and need to socialize and feel like a part of something that isn’t work.

    • KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      3·
      2 days ago

      Rey and do stuff with the intention of doing the thing, and not meeting people, the meeting people is just a bonus that comes from it. That way it gives you something external you enjoy that allows you to meet people while doing it.

      • harrys_balzac@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
        2·
        2 days ago

        Very true. Now, I need to figure out what I like to do and find groups that do that.

        I should check to see if I have MeetUp installed. I don’t use Meta products, so that’s kinda the go-to I’ve used.