My opinion is it’s better to be loved than it is to be given just shy of a lethal dose of stimulants so that you cannot lose consciousness due to shock and then slowly ground into paste feet first through a wood chipper.

LIES

What is THIS then sir‽

Okay, okay. Hear me out.

Tofu has the capacity to take on the flavor of anything that it is stored near under the correct circumstances.

We are capable of making lab-grown meat.

We can grow those meats from individual cells of other meat.

Human beings have quite a bit of meat on them.

Therefore, if you were rich enough and psychotic enough, you could culture the meat from a human being and then turn that into lab-grown meat and then use that meat to flavor tofu.

Vegan cannibalism.

And…

Overlooking that, if it were done voluntarily, if you did it to yourself, and lab grew a slice of you, you could serve that to your vegan friends, and they could commit vegan cannibalism, because one of the big tenets of veganism is that the meat cannot consent to being eaten.

But if you, intentionally and willfully, create a way to make meat out of yourself, and allow your friends to eat it, then they could maintain their vegan status while committing cannibalism.

That’s a twofer. Whether you want to call it vegetarian cannibalism or vegan cannibalism, science has you covered.