The moment that inspired this question:
A long time ago I was playing an MMO called Voyage of the Century Online. A major part of the game was sailing around on a galleon ship and having naval battles in the 1600s.
The game basically allowed you to sail around all of the oceans of the 1600s world and explore. The game was populated with a lot of NPC ships that you could raid and pick up its cargo for loot.
One time, I was sailing around the western coast of Africa and I came across some slavers. This was shocking to me at the time, and I was like “oh, I’m gonna fuck these racist slavers up!”
I proceed to engage the slave ship in battle and win. As I approach the wreckage, I’m bummed out because there wasn’t any loot. Like every ship up until this point had at least some spare cannon balls or treasure, but this one had nothing.
… then it hit me. A slave ship’s cargo would be… people. I sunk this ship and the reason there wasn’t any loot was because I killed the cargo. I felt so bad.
I just sat there for a little while and felt guilty, but I always appreciated that the developers included that detail so I could be humbled in my own self-righteousness. Not all issues can be solved with force.
This was a smaller moment, but similar to yours, OP, in that it revealed some unconscious thinking in my head.
But I was playing Crusader Kings II quite a few years back. And I basically had a King with the Genius trait and some other stuff I could pass down to his kids. I think I had somehow lucked into the Byzantine Empire or something, so I was basically seducing and inviting a bunch of lovers with other traits from all around the world (north and south, east and west) so I could spread Genius around. I wanted a smart council full of my bastards, heh.
So my genius slut-king has a bunch of kids. I’m naming them after my absolute favorite characters from books and such, because they’re part of my family and dynasty–so I’m giving them names that have a lot of personal “worth” to me.
Then I get to the kid in my dynasty who isn’t white, and I couldn’t figure out what name to give her. I had all these awesome names that I was using over and over through the generations in my dynasty, but somehow none that felt “right” for her. I tried and tried to choose a name, and none “fit”.
And after a while, it suddenly hit me in the face how SUBTLE racism can be. This was just a video game, but I had something that was “high worth” to me to give out, these favorite character names, and I was handing them out like candy until I got to the one kid and struggled, making all sorts of excuses why this not-white video game kid couldn’t get the name of this other character I really liked.
Now, if I was doing that in a frickin’ video game, imagine what people are doing with REAL LIFE things that are “high worth” to them. Hiring at jobs, giving gifts and presents, selling a house, etc.
And it wasn’t like I was going around in the game consciously picking which kids to screw over. (I mean, moreso than you usually do in Crusader Kings, the game where people glitch themselves into marrying their horses and creating witch covens with devil-babies so they can spread satanism across the world.) I ended up screwing this virtual kid over because I was going on this “gut feeling” that my really cool favorite-character names just somehow “weren’t right” for her, even though that frickin’ inbred cousin over there with a family tree like a wreath was proudly wearing it already.
So yeah. Learned a big lesson on how internal gut feelings influence you to do racist shit really subtly sometimes.
Wow, such a cool revelation. I think the devs of CK2 would be proud that you engaged with their game like this.
Great story!
Were any of the female characters you idolized black?
You make it sound like it’s a direct racist association, but in reality your brain just doesn’t have any good frame of reference for a probably stereotypical high-fantasy black person lol.
I’m sitting here thinking you were going to end it with saying you treated that person with the respect they deserved by not wantonly giving them some bogus high fantasy white name.
There’s a reason why so many black people give their children uniquely non-Anglo names. There is nothing new about it, and you’re right, it probably wouldn’t fit. Because most white names are distinctly non-black lol. Even moreso most uniquely white names are distinct in the same way that uniquely black names are.
Understanding that all people hold intrinsic biases is essential, but acknowledging cultural differences isn’t racism lol.
https://theconversation.com/a-brief-history-of-black-names-from-perlie-to-latasha-130102
https://www.thedailybeast.com/are-blacks-names-weird-or-are-you-just-racist
Very interesting and I appreciate the candor.
This is a great write up, thanks for sharing!
No Man’s Sky - Finally lifting off the planet into space for the first time reignited my love of space and the cosmos. Made me feel awe and wonder
The Stanley Parable - never had a game make me laugh till I had tears in my eyes before. This game really fucks with your perception of what is real and just how common / predictable some gaming tropes have become
No Man’s Sky had a couple for me. The first time I summoned my freighter from a planet was pretty incredible
Seeing your fleet exit hyperspace in orbit from the surface is something else. Just absolutely stunning. Every now and then I load up the game just to summon my fleet from a planets surface.
Not sure why someone has downvoted our subjective experience of a game we enjoy. “Fuck you for enjoying things”, right?
There’s also that moment in No Man’s Sky when you figure out what the story is implying. I’m being vague here to not spoil it for anyone. But it doesn’t have a single point in time where you piece it together. There’s a growing amount of evidence before the game outright tells you what’s going on.
Yeah the lore is buried fairly deep. Raises some serious questions though! It’s a shame so many will be put off by the bad launch. I know the game won’t be for everyone but I’ve sunk so many hours. It’s almost meditative at times.
When i first killed someone in DayZ back in the day, when it was just the ArmA 2 mod and all the hype.
I finally found a gun and started to learn my way around the zombies, when i heard a player in a bush nearby the hospital in Elektrozavodsk. I thought he was probably out to get me, so i emptied my Makarov clip at the bush and shortly after heard the fly noise they had put to mark dead players.
As i searched his body with my heart pumping like crazy i found him to have nothing but a can of beans. I felt profoundly shitty in that moment because he was just like me at the time. Some new guy playing a tough sandbox multiplayer-game, where everything and everyone can kill you. He probably didnt even hear or see, where he got killed from, just like it happened half a dozen times to me before.
I showed cruelty to someone in whose shoes i’d had demanded mercy.
Fuck everyone pitching people to fight each other
DayZ was such an amazing experience at the time. Battle arena games hadn’t taken off yet and you really had to pay attention to your surroundings.
Great story! War is hell
Kind of feels disparate from it being a video game, but it’s difficult to really make this experience another way:
I wanted to play a healer in an MMO. It was a shitty MMO, so healers could only be female characters wearing skimpy armor.
Well, it took about half a minute until I had people walk up to me, to then just stop 3 meters away. From the way they were moving, I have to assume, they were working their cameras to look underneath my skirt, and probably doing so with only one hand.
Some of them were sending me “hello :)” messages, which I guess is basic decency, if you’re going to use my body, but it felt weird, too, since we had nothing to talk about.
All in all, it felt uncomfortable. And I did not even have to fear for them to start touching or even raping me. Plus, I was able to log out, delete my account and basically just leave all of that behind.
Well, except for one thing I did not leave behind: I do not want to be the other side in that experience either.
When sexist objectification accidentally teaches a point against sexist objectification
It happened to me when I played Star Wars: The Old Republic. I’d played it since the beta and finished the story with all classes but I decided to play as a female sith warrior and I constantly got messages from dudes complimenting my thick ass or wanting me to humiliate them and be their dominatrix mistress. It really put into perspective the shit women go through. Especially since my character didn’t even have a skimpy outfit.
I’m a woman who has played SWTOR since its inception 12 years ago and I’ve never had anything like that happen. I’ve played through the whole story on 16+ toons, one for each class/sex combo. I’m not surprised by what you say, just lucky I’ve never experienced it.
Happened to me multiple times on that character. Never with any of my male characters.
For me it was playing Life is Strange for the first time. I bought it because it had been listed on Steam as “Overwhelmingly Positive” for ages, and at the time I was really enjoying the story-based games that companies like Telltale were producing. So, knowing nothing about the game, I picked it up and started playing it.
The first act was slow. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the writers were establishing Arcadia Bay, a city in the Pacific Northwest, as a character. All the people in it needed to be recognizable, so it took time for them to teach the player about who they were, what mattered to them, how they fit in to the city, and what their flaws were. I actually stopped playing for a while after the first act. But, luckily, I picked it back up over the holiday season.
I still remember playing it in my living room. I was so thoroughly absorbed into the story that when something tense happened in the second act and I couldn’t stop it the way I normally could, I was literally crushing the controller as if I could make things work by pulling the triggers harder.
I am decidedly not the demographic that Life is Strange was written to appeal to, but they did such a good job writing a compelling story that it didn’t matter. I got sucked in, the characters became important to me, and I could not. put. it. down. I played straight through a night until I finished it.
(If you’ve played it and you’re wondering, I chose the town the first time I played it.)
I’ll never forget that game. I’ll also never forget the communities that spawned around it. I read the accounts of people who had just played it for the first time for about a year because it helped me relive the experience I had when I played it. It was incredible.
Bae>Bay
I won’t play it again, because the story is burned in to my memory exactly how I want to remember it.
When I had to choose at the end, I wound up closing the game and thinking about it for a couple days before finally going back. Bae forever.
Yes, the scene at the end of Act 2 is what hooked me on the series. It’s a shame they didn’t do something similar at the end of Act 1, because so many people stopped playing due to the slow start.
My most profound moment in those games was at the end of The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit. Even though it’s the smallest story in the games, that final dialogue put me through the floor.
Yeah, that was the only game that actually made me cry. I was definitely invested in the story.
For my Life is Strange 2 was so much more impactful. There’s actually multiple endings. A big part of the story is the relationship between the brothers, since I’m an older brother it just hit close. The ending I got was so bittersweet, it wasn’t all happy but it captured the reasoning behind my decisions in the game so we’ll. I was telling myself “this is so sad… but… it’s exactly what I wanted”
There’s also a scene where you can come out of the closet to your dad. I was really blindsided by this, I came out to my parents before, the scene plays out in a really authentic way. I kept pausing the game to mentally process it, and kept rewatching it on YouTube right after. I just couldn’t believe it was real.
Disco Elysium was full of such moments for me. Here’s one:
You spend a lot of time in the game basically talking to yourself and your inner voices, and one of these voices is volition. If you put enough points into it, it’ll chime in when you’re having an identity crisis or struggling to keep yourself together and it’ll try to cheer you up and keep you going. At the end of Day 1 in the game you, an amnesiac cop, stand on a balcony in an impoverished district reflecting on the day’s events and trying to make sense of the reality you’ve woken up into with barely any of your memories intact. If you pass a volition check, it’ll say the following line:
“No. This is somewhere to be. This is all you have, but it’s still something. Streets and sodium lights. The sky, the world. You’re still alive.”
This line in combination with the somewhat retro Euro setting, the faint lighting, and the sombre-yet-somewhat-upbeat music was very powerful. The image it painted was quite relatable for me. I just sat there for a minute staring at the scene and soaking it all in. Even though this is a predominantly text-based game with barely any cinematics/animations, I felt a level of immersion I had rarely, if ever, experienced before.
Oh, look at that. Someone actually made a volition compilation. 😀 This video will give you a better idea of what I’m describing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENSAbyGlij0 Minor spoilers alert!
This thread is filled with comments on DE, but it was your comment that convinced me to finally play the game.
Thanks for the story!
I really hope you get as much out of the game as many others have. What an experience.
Fucking hell yeah, brother, volition is the best
Volition may be one of the “boring” companions, but what it lacks in dynamism it makes up for by being uplifting.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=ENSAbyGlij0
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
This will date me, Missile Commander. When you lose the game doesn’t reset, you had to reset it. So if you don’t you just see dead cities on a screen, with silence. This was right about the same time I saw War Game. The only wining more is not to play.
The creator of Missile Command allegedly had this very same revelation while creating it, and suffered nightmares about nuclear annihilation. I like how the game just gets harder and harder, meaning that no matter how good you are at it, once the bombs start dropping then eventually every city will be destroyed anyway.
Doesn’t it say “THE END” instead of “GAME OVER?”
Oh man I forgot about that! Yeah it does! It’s been an age since I’ve played it.
Spec Ops: The Line
It’s story is based on Heart of Darkness, the same book Apocalypse Now was based on, so they share some commonalities.
Gameplay wise it’s a pretty standard 3rd person cover shooter, nothing really memorable.
But man that game fucks with your head and expectations of a shooter. While you mow down hordes of fellow American soldiers who have gone AWOL with their commander, the tone of the game constantly shifts ever so slightly. You lose people from your team, you get to be more and more vengeful and violent. And at first you think nothing of it, because that’s almost every shooter I’ve played.
But they let you see yourself in a mirror, so to say.
I think the first time it really hit me was when on one of the loading screen tooltips, that usually said stuff like “You can throw grenades back.” or “Flank your enemies.” it just said “Do you feel like a hero yet?”. Felt like I’d been punched in the gut. It gets more and more intense from there and I can’t really describe it all, because it’s been a decade or so and it was mostly the sum of a lot of smaller things.
I know some people called it corny and pretentious but it really stuck with me.
It’s a shame about the game’s uninspiring name and generic box art. Probably kept a lot of people from playing it. I only played it on a recommendation like yours.
I think a lot of the genericness is part of it.
It’s supposed to feel like every other game, until it doesn’t. The name, the plot, the art, the genetic cover shooter gameplay. It’s even got Nolan North voicing the main character.
I think the first time I noticed something was amiss was when some civilian darted out in front of me and I riddled her with bullets. No red X’s, no “do not kill civilians” messages. Just the game silently going “well, I won’t tell if you don’t…”
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That game is probably one of the best mind-fucks in gaming. The white phosphorous scene for me was so powerful that I immediately went into Youtube and looked up how other streamers reacted to it.
Something I don’t often see people talking about this game is the ending, which probably had the largest effect on me of any game I’ve ever played.
spoiler
Before I played Spec Ops: The Line, I was staunchly against suicide in all instances.
The ending puts you in a situation where you’ve more or less committed genocide (or at least horrifying war crimes), for ultimately no real cause. There’s no solution to make amends, you can’t undo what you’ve done.
It then puts you in a position where you can effectively choose to commit suicide.If given the choice, most people would go back in time and kill hitler. But what if you WERE hitler, and suddenly realized the true implications of your actions. You were responsible for the torture and murder of millions on innocent people, actions that are impossible to forgive. Would the moral and ethical action be to kill yourself? Even if doing so wouldn’t prevent further death or harm to others?
That ending made me rethink my stance on suicide, the topic is far more complicated than I used to think it was. To this day, every now and again, I still think about the choice at that ending.
Why should I believe you? You’re Hitler!
I watched my roommate play that game, and we just sat there in stunned silence.
Many years ago, my 2 kids an me playing multiplayer COD 2, I had 3 networked PCs we went in the map and worked together, I was in the first floor laying down with my sniper rifle, the kids were covering the stairs behind me, we owned that map, working together it was an amazing and thrilling experience for all of us, we talked about it for ages afterwards and was the started of many great COD multiplayer sessions for us.
Nothing as profound as what you described there…
But… The Last Of Us was an experience for me…I hadn’t played a “new” game in about 8-10 years at that point, so the huge increase in development was mind blowing to me.
But really, the intensity of the story is what really did it for me. I legit got teary eyed in the intro, and then the burning restaurant scene made me ball my eyes out…Phenomenal fucking game
Or, to bring it back to my youth… The Illusion of Gaia was probably the first game I played that made me feel things. That was so long ago, and I was so young when that came out that being specific about it is hard. But I think I really related with the main character, and I remember really feeling things during the lost-at-sea raft scene.
I might need to go find the ROM now…
**Or, to go a bit further back, Dragon Warrior.
That was the first game I ever played that really captivated me. It was the first RPG I ever played, and even tho the storyline is incredibly basic and cliche, it was the first time I experienced a story at all in a video game. It’s definitely the reason that I prefer fantasy RPGs over every other type of gameFor some reason, there’s this one little throwaway line in The Last Of Us that just lives in my head. It wasn’t even part of a cut scene, just some random banter as you’re walking around but Joel asks Elly after they first meet where her parents are, and she matter-of-factly says “I dunno, where are anyone’s parents?” and carries on with whatever she’s doing.
I remember that line too
Nice note about illusions of Gaia. I still remember that little pig “Hamlet” sacrificing himself. That transformation space with the blue flame. And I can hum more than one theme from the music nearly 30 years since I heard it.
Telltales Walking Dead had a similar impact on me and for similar reasons
It’s kinda cheating but The Beginners Guide is a game I think about all the time. As someone who makes things, the themes it explores about validation and the purpose for creating art really hit home.
For just a profound moment, the sun station in Outer Wilds.
HUGE spoilers
It really marks a turning point in the game when you find that out. I assumed like most people that it was a classic tale of science gone wrong, and now I have to fix it. As a video game it’s also really easy to assume that your goal is to fix everything - to save the solar system. But there is no villan, and no solution. You and everyone in the solar system will die and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s a really powerful subversion of expectations that works well with the games themes.
Outer Wilds had so many profound moments, imho. Just listing a couple more:
Spoilers, obviously
- The core of the interloper
- The dead Nomai in Dark Bramble (two of them in an embrace, iirc)
- The messages from other Nomai tribes in the Vessel
- Having to remove the warp core from the ATP
- The number of loop iterations in the probe tracking module
- The ending of the DLC
!Oh man the DLC ending was incredible. The tragic story that unfolded as you played was incredibly sad, but then inviting the prisoner to join you at the fire and add their song to your music was beautiful and moving.!<
Those devs really caught lightning in a bottle. I can’t wait to play whatever they make next, whenever it’s ready.
Btw. You can use >! and !< blocks to create proper spoiler tags.
I think the first time I read the board in the sun station I decided to just stay… Wait it out as it was inevitable. I ran around trying to find anything I missed for a while but eventually stopped and just looked out the window. It was always over, but at least I’d have, for one loop, the best seat in the house.
The Beginner’s Guide is excellent, it’s always surprised me how little I see it talked about.
Outer Wilds, like all of it. Falling into the black hole made me actually scream in terror, then shiver for how small being away from the solar system makes you feel. Also the quantum moon, and that ending holy fuck
Ah, a fellow Outer Wilds enjoyer 🍷 What a terrifying, mesmerising, soul wrenching and beautiful game.
It’s good, Bront
Every now and again I load it up to just pilot the ship to the outer edge of the tiny little solar system and watch the stars go out that you have no control over, or sit with someone I haven’t with before and wait with them for the end.
God I love that game
Three pretty stereotypical ones.
- I played diablo 1 when I was 6 years old. And you already know where this is going, but that butcher room caused me some intense fear.
- That moment in fallout 3 when you first leave the vault and there’s a semi cinematic experience. I was in complete awe at how beautiful the post apocalyptic wasteland looked.
- That first time logging into WoW original back when it first released. So much to explore and experience it felt absolutely amazing to be a part of
Man that Butcher fight gave teen me the sweats every time. Diablo 1 did such amazing things with atmosphere, I still hear the environmental guitar music from the demo every time I think about that game.
AH! FRESH MEAT!
6 years old fresh meat!
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Originally did you not just save before choosing? I saved and was able to just see all of the endings. As an original Deus Ex player I really enjoyed the game and setting, but the endings felt so lazy and dumb to me.
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Came here looking for DX:HR. Its atmosphere, story and ending made me just sit there and think.
About humanity as a race, their dark urges, those in power, the complexity of the world we live in,…It truely was an eye opener for me
I get very into games so it’s really hard to pick. But the longest lasting impact IRL was when Mass Effect 2 gave me a revelation on human relationships.
I never understood cheating on your partner. I just didn’t get it. I mean if you want to be with someone else, just leave. Shitty people who just don’t care, I get that, but normal people, not at all. I could kinda wrap my head around it if alcohol was involved, or staying because of kids. Other than that nah.
Now I play RPGs as if I was actually going to make those decisions. So I get even more into them than others. Liara wasn’t a love interest and she was who I originally went with in the first one. I was bored without the cute interactions with her, so I started talking to the other females on the ship. But they weren’t Liara. Each one had something I found similar to her. It got to the point where Jack asked me if I was talking to anyone else. I didn’t want to hurt her so I said no. And then Tali asked me the same thing. But better her and Jack, I wanted her. So I said no.
I honestly didn’t realize I was seriously leading them on until I messed it up and they both were mad at me. Then it clicked. Cheating is impulsive because you are looking for someone else. Sometimes you don’t realize you’ve set yourself up until it’s too late. 🤯
Cheating sucks, but that’s definitely the game to teach about why it sucks.
Thanks
❤️ Liara ❤️