I was formally diagnosed with ADHD in February, so am still very much finding my way, with medication helping a lot with my work life. However, my first child was born near the tail end of last year and boy did I not expect how debilitating things would be. I love being a dad, I love my kid so much it hurts, but any time I’m home with her around I end up in a hyper focus kind of state trying to keep her out of trouble (she’s very, very active). Even with her sleeping through the night, I have to get up at around 4.30 every morning for an 8am start, 10 minutes away, otherwise everything ends up in a shambles, usually with me forgetting to eat breakfast, or take lunch, or my meds, or me a grown man ending up in tears because of the pressure to get ready for the day, which is not something I’d ever experienced before. The worst bit is makes it that much harder to properly enjoy the moments with her. Being a parent is hard enough as is, but this is really something else.
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First of all, it gets easier. Even if nothing else changes, once she can start doing things for herself, you automatically get a bit of extra time. Once she can feed herself, you’ll be able to eat breakfast at the same time, for example. It might not sound like much, but it makes a big difference.
I have to ask, what are you doing in the morning that takes over three hours? Not judging, but like the other poster said, you may be able to prep some of it the evening before and take the pressure off.
As far as breakfast and meds go, is there anything you do automatically in the morning? I tend to make myself a hot drink, so I put my meds and things next to the kettle, and I remember them because they’re in front of me. Maybe doing something similar would help?
The most important thing is to try to take some of the pressure off though. Maybe put some snack bars in your coat that you wear to work, or in your desk. Put your daily meds in separate containers so that if you’re rushing, you can take them with you?
My kid was quite active too, so we built a baby prison (not as bad as it sounds, honest!). We had a sort of extra long baby gate that formed a circle, and put some toys inside. This one was fairly small, so we only used it for when we had to do something that we couldn’t do with a baby, like washing the dishes and cooking dinner. We also bought a paddling pool with inflatable sides, and put some thick blankets in the bottom. My kid couldn’t climb out of it, so could play in it with their toys, but couldn’t do anything that would hurt them. Not everyone likes the idea of things like these, but they kept my kid safe while we did things that had to get done, and it gave us the chance to relax a bit and stay sane.
Dad of three here, had lots of issues like this first time around, they can sense your gowing flustration. couple of things helped first lower your expectations, clothes on backwards? still wearing PJ top? good enough. three bowls of ceral and still won’t eat anything? yougurt! Make things a little game how fast can take off the night nappy? (that’s a little later lol). how often are you waking in the night for feeding? as soon as you can stretch to four hours the difference is amazing. It’ll soon be better, I have all five of us on one couch right now watching minions, pizza later coz I ain’t cooking.
Put lunch and meds with a cup of water in the fridge in a bag the night before. Set a reminder to bring the bag. Make your breakfast the night before.
Prepare her clothes the night before. If you are a morning shower person take the shower the night before. Same with her.
Just because she wakes up doesn’t mean that you have to unless it’s a safety issue. Get up, change her nappy and then back to bed. She will learn to sleep through the night.
Use this extra time to get yourself set. Take another 30min. Eat breakfast, get your meds etc.
Get a play area where she can play safely while you do whatever you need to do.