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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-09-17 04:01:15+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ritetofly123. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is over 7 days old due to the rules of this sub

Mood Spoiler: probably heading in the right direction

Original Post: September 7, 2024

My boyfriend (M/32) and I (F/27) have been together for a year. He’s only met my parents once over the holidays last year because they live pretty far away. They’ve been visiting this past week and since he and I just moved in together they were excited to see our new place, and get to know my BF a little more.

We have an extra bedroom, and this has become my boyfriend’s gaming room for the most part but we agreed when guests come over it would be a second bedroom. He really likes video games and anime in particular so he has a lot of toys and artwork that he’s collected over the years from different games and such. 

One thing he has is this anime body pillow that features a sexy anime girl on it. He also has a mousepad for his gaming computer that resembles a busty anime girl. Before my parents came over I asked him to take down his toys and stuff so they could be comfortable. I was upset to see that he left the body pillow and the mousepad in place.

I don’t really feel comfortable with either item but he’s really into anime so I’ve always kind of left it alone. But I absolutely didn’t think it was appropriate to leave it in there when my parents would be staying over. I took the cover off the body pillow and put the pillow in the closet and I put the mousepad in a drawer in our room.

When my parents arrived and we showed them to their room, my BF noticed the missing pillow and mousepad. Later, when we were in bed, he brought it up to me and asked why I hid them. I told him I didn’t think my parents would feel comfortable with those things in the bedroom and when they leave we can put them back.

My BF got really upset. He told me that he feels like I’m ashamed of his interest in anime. He said he’s spent his whole life feeling like people think he’s weird for being into anime and he didn’t expect his own GF to be “just like everyone else”. 

The next day, I noticed him taking some of his manga books off our bookshelf and putting them into a box. I asked him why and he said something like “I’m putting them away so you don’t have to look at them anymore”.

I feel really bad, I feel like I hurt him but I just really didn’t think my parents would feel comfortable sleeping in a room with those items. But now he’s just acting so distant and cold and he’s not really engaging with my parents at all. They keep asking me what’s wrong and I don’t know what to say.

AITA?

Top Comment:

Talkingmice: There’s a huge difference between anime/video game decorations and sexualized anime content.

A busty mousepad and a sexy body pillow would most definitely make anyone feel uncomfortable; I get that it’s his space too but I think a small amount of compromise for a limited time isn’t a problem at all.

He might see it as you being embarrassed of his interests but the reality is most people aren’t comfortable with sexualized decor, it’s not about anime at all.

NTA, he really needs to have more consideration for others

OOP: That’s exactly my feelings too. There’s other stuff in the room that’s anime/gaming related that was left up but it was more the sexual stuff I didn’t feel comfortable leaving out for my parents.

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): September 9, 2024 (2 days later)

EDIT: Thank you for all of the responses. And sorry it took me a few days to update, I was waiting for my parents to leave so I could talk to my boyfriend about all of this.

I read through the comments and it kind of validated something I already was feeling. Sexual decor aside, the way he acted the next day when he was putting the books away really bothered me. I ended up explaining the situation to my parents and they weren’t exactly thrilled by his reaction either. I got the feeling after this trip that they don’t really approve of him - which is neither here nor there, I’m 27 and I’m old enough to make my own choices. But above everything else, my parents mean a lot to me, I never get to see them, and it was important to me that my BF would be present and treat them well while they were here.

After they left (I drove them to the airport - BF refused to come), I came back from the airport and found a couple trash bags outside the door. Turns out that once I left, my BF started throwing all of his anime things into these bags. I asked why and he said something along the same lines as before, that clearly his interests weren’t welcome in “my” home and he’d keep them in his car until he figured out what to do with them.

I kinda snapped, I’d been keeping it together all week for my parents but I had enough at this point. I told him I never asked him to get rid of his anime stuff, just that it wasn’t appropriate for my parents while they were staying with us. I told him this reaction is unfair and he’s being manipulative. I told him that this week was supposed to be about him getting to know my parents but he was too fixated on this anime issue to even spend any real time with them.

He then called me manipulative for making him believe that I was cool with his love for anime for the past year when I was clearly ashamed of it. He also said he didn’t want to be a part of a family that doesn’t appreciate anime (??). We went back and forth for awhile and then I told him we needed space. I wasn’t even really planning that but it came out and it felt like the right thing for me.

Well, he then started crying a lot and apologizing and immediately tried to take back what he said but I was just done at this point. He left eventually and now I’m here in this apartment alone. Well and the mousepad and body pillow, lol. He left those behind.

Anyway…I don’t really know if we’re broken up officially or what but it seems to be heading that way. I’m just feeling awful and I almost wish this all happened before my parents visited because I feel like it tainted the whole trip. But yeah. Thanks for the replies guys and for helping me open my eyes a bit.

Editor’s note: I couldn’t decide if this one was concluded or ongoing. I’ve marked it as ongoing for now, but if people disagree I can change it!