**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Upstairs-Writing5155** **WIBTA if I just tell everyone the truth about what is going on, even tho it would ruin my...
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-09-16 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Upstairs-Writing5155

WIBTA if I just tell everyone the truth about what is going on, even tho it would ruin my Husband’s image

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Previous BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: attempted murder, mental health issues, violent abuse, accusations of infidelity, obsessive behavior, misogyny, delusional behavior, child abuse

Original Post  March 18, 2024

I am dyslexic and have always been bad at grammar. So excuse me, please.

This is non US.

Okay, so my husband has been dealing with some major issues. We have not yet figured out what it is. But he has been like dealing with certain delusions.

For example, it all started 6 months ago when he was convinced he had caught me cheating because he found a document saying so on my laptop. When I arrived home and he tried looking for it to show me, he obviously couldn’t find it.

He is going to therapy, but ad of right now, we are technically separated and living in different rooms.

It’s just because this keeps happening. A certain insecurity eats itself into my husband, and he becomes convinced that it’s the truth. He either “dreams” proof or he just convinces himself that anything is proof.

Idk what he does with the therapist. But I honestly don’t see it getting better. Last week, he was mad at our daughter (15) because she didn’t want him to drive her to prom and make pictures with her. When I went to ask her, she said that that was not true. She had talked to her dad about what she would like to do when she graduates in 2 years. Her father just got really mad at the perceived Sligh.

The problem is that he keeps talking to people about the “issues.” I was already wondering why so many mutuals stopped responding to me.  But apparently, they all think I am an awful human being and terrible spouse.

I just want to tell people what is going on. Also so they are aware that my husband is basically lying to them and for them to tell me delusions that he might be having that I don’t know.

But at the very beginning of his therapy, he begged me not to tell anyone because people would think he is crazy.

My sister said that it would also be an asshole thing to do that would basically feed into his delusions.

I just feel like I am done. Aita ?

Edit: we already did a brain scan/MRI, and nothing was found

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP describes the delusions more

Obviously, I am not in the medical field. But I can’t describe them as anything else. Mainly because we have not done any of the things he convinced himself of.

For example. He was convinced our oldest daughter (19) was pregnant because she said no to sushi. She was just not in the mood for raw fish. So my husband obviously became obsessed with the idea that our daughter was pregnant. He would go to full rants saying how dare she, we gave her everything etc.

Update  Aug 20, 2024 (5 months later)

I was not allowed to Update on AITA because of the violent content of the post. Here is the link

I thank everyone for their supportive words. Especially the people that have been through something similar. Thank you so much for sharing with me. It makes me feel less alone

Also just because I have seen that a lot of people have not been able to read my first post. I have tried everything from getting him to a real psychologist to having him committed. I have tried with his doctor, with my MIL and with my lawyer. But he has not broken the law or actually assaulted me. Just threatened to kill me and our daughter for being whores. But to the police that does not matter because we don’t matter

so please all the suggestions you have and suggestions to get him committed or that he night have a tumor or dementia or schizophrenia… please stop. I have no fight left in me. I also have no legal ground over him. I can’t care anymore, or I will drive myself insane. He still has a support net. He will never be alone. But that man is dangerous to me and my daughters. And the duty of a parent is above all else

so again, please stop suggesting what he could have or what I should do regarding him, because that job is no longer mine

—‐-------- First off, thank you all for your feedback and support. I took some time to process everything, and honestly, I was at my breaking point. The situation has escalated in ways I never imagined, and I’ve made some tough decisions.

After I posted, things started to unravel quickly. About five months ago, when my husband’s behavior first started escalating, I quietly consulted with a lawyer here . At that time, his delusions had begun to affect our daily lives, and I knew I needed legal advice. The divorce process requires a period of legal separation before the divorce can be finalized. We initiated this process, and I requested full custody of our 15-year-old daughter, given her increasing fear of her father. The court was also concerned and ordered a psychological evaluation for my husband to assess his mental fitness for parenting.

A few weeks into the legal separation, my husband’s paranoia worsened. He started placing Apple AirTags in my car and in our 15-year-old daughter’s backpack, tracking our every move. My daughter was the one who found the AirTag in her bag and was terrified. When I confronted him, he insisted it was for “our safety,” but it was clear to me that his paranoia was spiraling out of control. This incident deeply affected our daughter, who began refusing to see her father.

Around this time, my mother-in-law reached out to me. She was concerned because my husband had accused her of cheating on his father, something that was completely out of character for him. FIL didn’t believe it for a second but was deeply worried about his state of mind. Her reaching out was a small but much-needed relief. She acknowledged that his behavior was erratic and offered her support, knowing that something was seriously wrong.

My older daughter (19) had also become  involved in the situation. She had been quietly documenting her father’s behavior for months. She recorded three different occasions where my husband went on delusive rants. The first was about how I’m supposedly cheating on him with one of my coworkers—a man I barely interact with. The second was about how our 15-year-old daughter was secretly dating someone older and lying to him about it. The third was about how the entire family was conspiring against him to make him look crazy. Watching these videos was heartbreaking, but they validated everything I’d been dealing with privately.

Things escalated further when my husband almost attacked one of my colleagues. He had convinced himself that this man was the “affair partner” I was supposedly seeing behind his back. It took all my strength to physically separate them before the situation turned violent.

As the legal process continued, my lawyer informed me that due to the severity of the situation and the psychological evaluation ordered by the court, my request for full custody was strongly considered. In Spain, courts typically prioritize the well-being of the child, and given my husband’s mental state and the danger he posed, it seemed likely that I would be granted full custody of our 15-year-old daughter. She had made it clear that she didn’t want to see her father, and the court was taking her wishes into account.

In the midst of this, my 19-year-old daughter decided to take matters into her own hands. She posted the three videos she had recorded of her father’s breakdowns on Instagram, along with a compilation of texts, photos, and other evidence she had collected over the past few months. Her intention was to show the world what we had been enduring, but it quickly turned into a public spectacle. The backlash was intense. Some people were horrified and reached out with sympathy and support, while others criticized us for “airing dirty laundry” and accused my daughter of betraying her father.

As the divorce process continued, my husband’s mental health became a significant factor. The psychological evaluation ordered by the court revealed the depth of his delusions, particularly around cheating and female sexuality. It became clear that he was not fit to make decisions regarding our daughters’ well-being. The evaluation supported my claim for full custody, and the court is now in the process of finalizing that decision. In the meantime, all communication between my husband and me is being handled through our lawyers, and I’m ensuring that any interaction between him and our 15-year-old daughter is supervised.

Given the severity of the situation and the damage done to our lives, I’m making plans to move away with my daughter once the legal proceedings are finalized. My reputation in our current community is shattered, thanks to h…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1fhvp8j/wibta_if_i_just_tell_everyone_the_truth_about/

  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
    1·
    3 days ago

    Given the severity of the situation and the damage done to our lives, I’m making plans to move away with my daughter once the legal proceedings are finalized. My reputation in our current community is shattered, thanks to his delusions and the lies he has spread. Starting fresh somewhere new seems like the only way for us to heal and rebuild our lives.

    I never wanted it to come to this. I still care deeply for my husband, but I can’t keep sacrificing our well-being for the sake of his image. The revelation that he’s been lying to his therapist (or rather, his unqualified “life coach”) was a breaking point for me—I realized I couldn’t trust him to get better on his own. Thankfully, some friends have started to see through his stories and are reaching out to support us, which gives me hope. But I know it’s going to be a long, difficult road ahead.

    For anyone else in a similar situation, please know that you’re not alone. This has been the hardest decision I’ve ever made, but sometimes you have to do what’s best for your own mental health and safety, no matter how much it hurts.

    Thank you again for all the advice. I’m hopeful that this is the first step towards a better future, even if it’s a painful one.

    • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
      1·
      3 days ago

      Update 2 Sept 9, 2024

      Last week, my husband showed up at our home completely out of control. He wasn’t supposed to be there, but he came without any warning, and right away, he started yelling. He was accusing me and our 15-year-old daughter of being against him, saying we were plotting to destroy him. He was furious. I tried to calm him down, but it just made him angrier. He started throwing things and shouting that we were ruining his life.

      Then, he turned on our daughter. He called her a “whore” and said she was supposed to be the “good one,” but she had turned against him too. He was moving toward her like he was going to hit her, and I got between them to protect her. That’s when he shoved me so hard I hit the wall, and he slapped me across the face. I was stunned, but he didn’t stop. He grabbed my throat and started strangling me. I fought back, scratching and biting to get him off me. Meanwhile, my daughter managed to call the police while this was happening. She was terrified, but she stayed on the phone with them, begging for help.

      When the police arrived, they arrested him right away. He’s now facing charges for domestic violence, and the court has put a restraining order in place. I can’t even explain how scary that moment was, but I’m just glad my daughter was able to call for help. I don’t know what would have happened otherwise.

      The legal process is moving quickly now, especially after the violence. The court has ordered a psychiatric evaluation to see if he’s fit to even be around our daughters, let alone have visitation rights. At this point, I’m expecting full custody of my 15-year-old. She’s been through so much, and she doesn’t want to see her father anymore, even if it’s supervised. I think the court will honor that, especially given everything that has happened.

      On top of all of this, the videos my 19-year-old daughter posted online have continued to spread. A lot of people have reached out with their own stories about the things my husband told them—things I didn’t even know he had said. It’s hard to hear, but it’s also helping me understand just how bad it was. Some of the delusions he had included:

      • He thought I was part of a secret group plotting to harm him.

      • He believed our 19-year-old was spying on him for me.

      He thought our 15-year-old was trying to poison him by putting something in his food.

      He said his mother was having an affair with her best friend.

      He told his father that I hired a private investigator to follow him.

      He thought a family friend was trying to take over his business.

      He said one of my close friends was in love with me and trying to help me leave him.

      He told neighbors that I was going to sell our house and leave him with nothing.

      He believed my boss was helping me hide money in offshore accounts.

      He thought our daughters were hiding secret phones and communicating behind his back.

      He accused me of manipulating our children to turn them against him.

      He said his sister was trying to steal his inheritance.

      He believed I had hidden cameras in the house to watch him.

      He accused me of using witchcraft to control his mind.

      He thought I was planning to flee the country with our daughters.

      It’s been overwhelming to hear how far his paranoia went. Some friends have apologized and now understand what was really happening, but others still believe his stories, and that’s been hard. I’m not sure how to fix all the relationships that were damaged by this.

      I’ve also been getting a lot of questions about what has happened with my daughter’s therapy and the divorce process, so I’ll explain a bit. At first, we had to put my daughter into telehealth because we were waiting for an in-person spot with the therapist we were referred to by our doctor. It took some time to get that set up and approved, but now she’s seeing someone regularly, and it’s been helping.

      As for the divorce, it could have been simple, but my husband has turned it into a high-conflict situation. I’ve been so frustrated with how slow it’s been going, especially because it didn’t need to be like this. But because of everything he’s done, the courts have had to be more careful, and it’s taking longer than expected. I’m only communicating with him through lawyers now. Once everything is done, I plan to move with my 15-year-old to start over somewhere else, away from all of this.

      That’s where things stand now. It’s been a horrible, painful experience, but I’m doing my best to keep my daughters safe and make sure we can move forward. Thank you again to everyone who has supported us through this—it really means a lot.

      THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

      DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7