I feel you, friend. Similar situation here, possibly reversed. If I’m grumpy, or mad, or just having a rough day, I have to be exceptionally careful in bringing that to my partner. They deal with a lot, so when I add anything to that pile, it often explodes. So the pattern is me saying ‘Here’s something I am upset about. Please can I have five minutes of your time to listen to me.’, then two days of me comforting my partner because they somehow contributed to this and they hate themselves for it.