So I became fairly recent aware and confident enough to accept my inner self being a woman instead of a man, like my body. All of my friends are super affirming and supportive, and I totally love them for having them!
But thats the good side of it all. There is the bad side as well.
Just randomly, during a quite boring company online meeting, I scrolled through some toots, listend to some music and to their presentation, I got such a severe anxiety attack. I don’t know why, or what I could do. I was just bawling my eyes out. All those negative emotions of just being different, that there are groups in our society that dont accept us or even worse attack us hit me all at once.
It was utterly horrible. I sat there in my chair for atleast 10 minutes, unable to do anything but cry and destroy my mind.
Then I got a smidge of courage and joined my friends (who also happen to be colleagues from the same team) discords voice chat. Just expressing that I’m fricking awful and telling them about it. How I feel and all, but unable to determine a trigger. Sure they couldn’t really “help” me, giving me advice or whatever. But that they were just listening, and understanding was already enough to get me out of that awful hole.
I am so lucky that I have them, just one click away.
Sorry for the ramblings, but I just had to somewhat write all of that shit down.
It’s easier to ignore gender dysphoria when you haven’t yet felt gender euphoria, so naturally, this is a pretty new feeling for you in both directions. The dysphoria sucks big time, but maybe it will help to remember that feeling low sometimes is part of the ride.
Also, don’t feel like people need to actually help you. Just venting to someone you can trust and having a big cry about it is about all you can do when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the dysphoria. Welcome to actually dealing with your feelings instead of shoving it down to deal with later (or never)! lol
Welcome to actually dealing with your feelings instead of shoving it down to deal with later (or never)! lol
It’s certainly a new one for me, thats for sure. In the past I always tried to bury my feelings. My dad always used to say that “Indians don´t feel pain” (its a german proverb). Such utter bollucks and harmful thing to say. So yeah, actually living throw the highs and lows. I love the highs, but i certainly have to learn to live but not repress the lows. They are also valid.
Sorry this happened and I’m really glad you opened up about it here. I had panic disorder issues before coming out as trans. My friends were able to help a lot in exsctly the same way you described - just talking, don’t know what it was ornwhag to do abojt it. I’m especially glad you can look for a trigger but be okay without knowing. Noticing and being mindful of what you’re feeling is like 90% of what worked for me. Aaaand yeah, this is a perfectly normal part of being trans. Have a great day, stranger. Take care of yourself. I think a panic attack is a lot to handle, I’m proud that you made these good decisions in response.
Thank you so much for your response!
Sorry this happened and I’m really glad you opened up about it here.
I guess we are all sisters in battle here, and nobody will judge you when you rant or vent here. This is a safe place for us, right :D
I’m especially glad you can look for a trigger but be okay without knowing.
Well I would like to know what was the trigger so I could potentially avoid it. But perhaps its also a way to learn to cope with those attacks. Its great to have friends on “standby” even if they just listen, as you just said it super helpful already.
I’m proud that you made these good decisions in response.
Thank you :3
Have a great day, stranger. Take care of yourself.
And you as well!
