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we THINK we understand and stop listening. It isn’t true. It took me having kids to understand just WHY I don’t form lasting relationships with anyone.
Some repeat the same argument again and again in different words and get mad if getting interrupted. Its exhausting.
How do you know my wife?
Rhetorical question, right?
We all do?
I met her at Joanne’s single mingle…
The way to defeat this is to say you think you understand, then repeat back their argument in your own words. You don’t have to agree, but people are often satisfied if they know they are at least understood.
Then they just say “no, what I’m saying is…” And go on to say exactly what you said but worded slightly different.
Well, then you say “OK” and disengage. At that point it’s like dunking for apples when you don’t have any teeth.
You don’t need ADHD for that.
Yes, it’s one of those meme-ish things that is often associated but by no means indicative of ADHD.
It’s just fun to make fun of things like this.
it’s completely normal, i do it too
:>
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Oh boy do I have news for you.
I often find that, when talking to my project manager, I’m wrong when I assume I know where the sentence will end. Even if just a little bit (and even if sometimes it’s because she’s wrong in what she’s saying).
How can I get better at shutting up and listening to people? It’s absolutely fucking mortifying and makes me feel childish when I notice I keep interrupting people and getting it wrong.
Zen meditation, patience, age…
Thank you, I appreciate the response 🙏
Mindfulness… Just try to remember not to do it in the moment. It’s hard at first, but it gets easier the more you do it.
Why are you in such a rush in the first place? Maybe try treating these human interactions as a break from your usual pace. Just enjoy their company. People will notice if you are relaxed and listening carefully.
Cos they’re work, and I’d like to not have to talk to my colleagues as I don’t particularly like them. I do make an effort to enjoy my time with my friends, and I am better at not interrupting them.
Work communication sucks because you have the competing tensions of “you have to listen to this person because it’s your job to and it would look bad on you if you don’t” and “it feels like this person is doing everything in their power to make listening to them a grueling experience.” Then there’s also the tension of “The time im spending here is time I could be doing my actual job.” I run into this a lot at work
I dont have perfect solutions for that. People have mentioned mindfulness, and yeah thats probably the healthiest way of coping. But for work specifically, ive found writing while people talk helps, since people see that and act differently. I also treat it as a bit of a memory game where i try to recall what they said earlier in the convo to keep myself interested.
edits: how can you tell I turned my auto correct off recently?
Worse: they have a PowerPoint slide behind them showing 99% of the stuff they’re saying and you’re done reading the slide when their audio track is only 20% in
I was “sick” during our last all hands meeting for this reason. My ADHD was acting up.
Me, waiting for my ADHD partner to circle back to the original topic before they got distracted by tangents.
Counterpoint: I’m a twisty mofo and my adhd friend would often enough times respond to something he thought I was going to say instead of the thing I actually said (since I’m a twisty mofo) because he would be concentrating on not interrupting rather than listening.
I’m not placing blame, that’s adhd, just thought it was funny (except those times when it was just frustrating).
You can have fun with this by finding contexts that make their response sound silly for “what you were going to say”. Kinda like Pinky and the Brain’s “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky?” “I think so, but how will we convince the flies to put on the tiny shoes, Brain?”
This is the case most of the time. It’s a problem with ADHD folk, it’s something we work on in order to improve. I don’t know why, as of lately, there’s so many people with ADHD (and autism) that have managed to convinced themselves they have some kind of superpower. It’s like they got their diagnosis and then fucked right off from therapy.
Yeah, my brainhole will fuck right off into several answers, rebuttals, and solutions … just to suddenly snap back in a panic of what I just missed … and then realize the fucker is still describing the most obvious part of the issue.
It’s not them, it’s totally me who is the problem, but damn am I happy & relaxed when I communicate with someone who can efficiently communicate with (someone like) me.
You have no idea how hard it is to listen to an autistic person who tries to explain something in extreme detail… Lol.
Its not like the plank, its like doing 20 burpies…
But its alright. I need to practice my patience.
And then you try to finish my sentence and get it wrong. So I have to awkwardly pause, and say “No…” and then continue to explain the important part of the safety presentation that tells you how not to burn your eyeballs out with the laser.
Oh, I met someone once who spoke really slow and made long pauses to when he spoke.
Great guy, but I started finishing his sentences out of desperation.
I would have to take notes. No way in hell my attention span is clearing that many hurdles.
my new manager is like this except somehow there’s still not room to get a word in and then he’s three topics later and you’re sitting there like k well guess you didn’t care to hear what I had to say about this, enjoy your three days of trouble shooting this and getting behind schedule
when will we get a skip dialogue option in real life
You have to build it within yourself.
i already skip my own dialogue, I need to skip other people’s dialogue
Same place for both dude.
It’s a picture of me dealing with ADHD customers who ask me a question, then never stop talking to allow me to answer it. Often a question is followed by 30 minutes of them telling me unrelated personal stories. Before eventually asking the original question again, but followed by another 5-10 questions in rapid succession without giving me a chance to respond.
