As of today, I have a 1 month old. She is amazing and I love her so much, but she’s boring! Don’t get me wrong, she’s difficult and my wife and I haven’t slept a good night in a month, but all she does is eat, sleep, and poop. There’s basically no interaction.
I’m so looking forward to being able to laugh with her, play with her, and generally start teaching her the world.
How do you feel? What’s your favorite stage of child development?
Congrats on the kiddo! We called this phase “the worm of obligation”.
My kid is five years old, and it’s absolutely my favorite phase so far. I can play imagination games and video games with them (Goat Simulator is the current favorite) and have great conversations. They’re wicked smart, empathetic and caring, a great hiking buddy, and their vocabulary is stunning. Seeing the dots connect and the excitement in their voice when they realize how something works is absolutely magical!
I know my experience isn’t typical, but I wanted to slip in some advice. Parents can’t help it. Until about six months ago my kid had some gnarly emotional control issues that they were in therapies for. We joked that their motto was “no, and fuck you for asking”, and it was honestly the saddest and most brutal four years of my life. I had expectations for the experiences I would share with them, and they just couldn’t play the part I imagined. Their sensory needs are the exact opposite of mine, and it was very difficult to work around. My core advice would be to be flexible. It’s great to dream of how you’ll play with them, but understand that the kinds of interactions that are joyful depends entirely on her. Don’t be too invested in any particular activity–just look for opportunities to connect and play, even if it’s not a game you enjoy. And stick with it. Some phases are just terrible, and it feels like it will never end. It can take months or years of gentle correction before a concept/rule sets in, and the temptation will be there to escalate negative reinforcement (being a parent gave me great insight into hamsters), but one day, with no apparent trigger, the lights flip on in some new brain region and they suddenly get it. Your biggest responsibility is to build a relationship and trust, not make them behave perfectly. They don’t implicitly understand or care about arbitrary rules like “no climbing on the counters”, or “don’t put things in the cat”.
My advice comes from my own experience, so it may not apply well to your kid. Actually, that’s a good perspective for any parenting advice–you’ll be the only expert in your kid. Take advice into consideration, but discard what doesn’t apply to her specifically. A lot of parenting advice comes from “I tried X thing at the same time that the behavior happened to change” and a lot of the time what the parent was doing when the change happened was a coincidence (see B.F. Skinner’s superstitious pigeons). Engage in good faith, be flexible, advocate for them, ask for help when you need it. Some things just won’t happen until her brain is at a certain point of development, so support where she is in the moment, meet her on her terms, and be patient. You’ll do great!
A lot of parenting advice comes from “I tried X thing at the same time that the behavior happened to change” and a lot of the time what the parent was doing when the change happened was a coincidence (see B.F. Skinner’s superstitious pigeons).
THIS. If nothing else, THIS. So THIS.
This is really really good advice. It sounds like it boils down to learning to be patient and meeting them on their terms (their terms within reason).
I have desires for the interactions I’d want to have with her, but no expectations. She’s going to be who she is and I’m not going to try to change that. We’ll embrace what she enjoys and encourage exploration as best we can afford.
Child brain development is the most interesting thing to me and I look forward to seeing how she interacts with the world.
If you’re interested in child development or even just at some point struggling with communication I cannot recommend this book enough
“How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen”
That first month is a real challenge, so congrats on making it this far.
I had a similar sort of feeling, that first few months (what I’ve seen called “the fourth trimester” and what I personally refer to as “the phase where they’re basically a potato”) is a bit repetitive and they don’t really have the capacity to engage. But it’s well worth the wait; months 4-12 are really exciting and filled with firsts.
We’re at about 24 months and it’s simultaneously been the most fun and most challenging. Little guy is really taking to the verbal skills, and he’s starting to repeat full sentences (including daddy’s traffic-inspired “look at this fucking guy”) and express complex thoughts and desires. Many of those desires involve potential grievous injury, hence the difficult part, but it’s overall a lot of a fun.
“the phase where they’re basically a potato”
I’m laughing because I call this “the grub phase” because grubs eat, poop, sleep, and generally wiggle a bit. Glad to see I’m not the only one who has a pithy nickname for this phase.
My daughter will turn two in a couple of months and it is finally getting to the stage where we can entertain each other and I can actually enjoy some of her activities with her. Hang in there till then!
After this it gets less boring, dont worry. I say enjoy the peace and quiet of kiddo being a potato right now.
My baby was a roller. He rolled way before he crawled haha. He would roll toward whatever was most dangerous in the room, sit up and start digging in. Houseplants? Outlets? Pulling books off the shelf? Haha
It is much more fun and amazing the more interactive they are, it only gets better. But sometimes I definitely missed boredom, haha
Sounds about newborn. :D
I’m not a fan of any age or stage under age 1 when they start getting toddling and verbal. I’m not someone who is gaga for babies.
If I may offer any advice it is this – take pictures and video of the really dull, repetitive moments. Some day, you might think back and wish to engage in nostalgia. Or you might not. Or they might have kids of their own and ask you about the dull, repetitive moments and you’ll want some reference material. Or they might not. But digital video is basically free so it is better to have and not need then need and not have. And besides, playing documentary videographer adds some interest to the dull, repetitive moments.
My son is currently 5 and we are playing video games together, riding bikes, building legos, learning about animal science, making art, and enjoying each other’s jokes and personalities. I asked the same question to parents over and over and over and I never received a real answer but I can say hands down RIGHT NOW is the best time. I’m enjoying my kid so much that the bad days don’t even matter that much. I will say that Kindergarten had us shell shocked us. Get prepped on sight words ahead of time. But otherwise… 5 years old… This is what you’re waiting for. It is soooooo fun.
I was a single mom during the pandemic so I’m also extremely biased, but I definitely remember being alone with a baby for months and asking “when does this become enjoyable?” Shoot me if that’s wrong, but I’d rather be honest.
It gets so fun be patient. I have a 4 and a 7 and we play video games and it’s so fun. We go on bike rides… All you gotta do is make it through a little longer, change some diapers. This is truly the hardest part, or it was for me. I was chopped liver for quite a while, but when they started talking,it started getting fun.
Also, earlier than 4yo, I couldn’t get either to play video games. Hands were too clumsy and small.
They’re my little buds now and I’m trying to soak it in.
The days are long, the years are short. Soak it in, friends.
Once they start moving, it gets a lot more interesting.
She’s starting to get good at lifting her head up on her own and it’s really cool to see her look around.
