• IWantToFuckSpez@kbin.social
    77·
    11 months ago

    “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

    — Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science

    • F_Haxhausen@lemmy.world
      9·
      11 months ago

      Life itself is lemons.

      “Rage, rage against the dying of the lemon.”

      Why bother. I’d rather not rage. Too tired. I’d rather sleep than “get mad” or “rage”…

      Or read horror stories or watch Godzilla movies. It won’t take too long to die. I’m getting older. Best think about getting old? You get to realize how awful existence really is, as it takes everything away, but by bit.

  • Cosmoooooooo@lemmy.worldEnglish
    13·
    11 months ago

    There is absolutely no reason to save the urine after drinking all that lemonade. That’s probably why they’re not feeling well. That’s a lot of lemonade! /s

  • LemmySoloHer@lemmy.worldEnglish
    11·
    11 months ago

    "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? No. First you roll out a multi-media campaign to convince people lemons are incredibly scarce, which only works if you stockpile lemons, control the supply, then a media blitz.

    Lemon is the only way to say “I love you,” the must-have accessory for engagements or anniversaries. Roses are out, lemons are in. Billboards that say she won’t have sex with you unless you got lemons. You cut De Beers in on it. Limited edition lemon bracelets, yellow diamonds called lemon drops.

    You get Apple to call their new operating system OS-Lemón. A little accent over the “o.” You charge 40% more for organic lemons, 50% more for conflict-free lemons. You pack the Capitol with lemon lobbyists, you get a Kardashian to suck a lemon wedge in a leaked sex tape.

    Timotheé Chalamet wears lemon shoes at Cannes. Get a hashtag campaign. Something isn’t “cool” or “tight” or “awesome,” no, it’s “lemon.” “Did you see that movie? Did you see that concert? It was effing lemon.” Billie Eilish, “OMG, hashtag… lemon.” You get Dr. Oz to recommend four lemons a day and a lemon suppository supplement to get rid of toxins ‘cause there’s nothing scarier than toxins.

    Then you patent the seeds. You write a line of genetic code that makes the lemons look just a little more like tits… and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, you cross-pollinate… you get those seeds circulating in the wild, and then you sue the farmer for copyright infringement when that genetic code shows up on their land.

    Sit back, rake in the millions, and then, when you’re done, and you’ve sold your lem-pire for a few billion dollars, then, and only then, you make some fucking lemonade." - Roderick Usher

    • BanjoShepard@lemmy.world
      2·
      11 months ago

      Is this from the Netflix series? I teach this story to sophomores, and now I’m thinking we’re reading the wrong story.

      • LemmySoloHer@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        11 months ago

        Haha yes, it’s not just loosely based on the original short story but also combines other parts of unrelated Edgar Allen Poe stories and characters into a single narrative. Take all that and set it in 2023 with some parts of the show taking place as far back as the 1950s. Definitely its own Mike Flanagan-created beast by the end of the day.

  • Dr. Coomer@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    11 months ago

    “Alright. Ive been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. GET MAD. I DONT WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO LIFE’S MANAGER. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’M THE MAN WHOSE GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN. With the lemons. I’m gonna get the boys in the lab to make a COMBUSTIBLE LEMON THAT BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN. LIFE WILL RUE THE DAY WHEN IT GAVE CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS.”